i need peace!
Donation protected
paypal: aloeinc
cashapp: $aloeinc
venmo: aloeinc
raise by when?
ongoing
for what?
my survival.
medical fees for asthma flare-ups, chest pain, braces, jaw pain: 20,000
groceries for 1.5 yrs: 17,000
safe housing for 1.5 yrs: 16,000
car & insurance for 1.5 yrs: 15,000
schooling for computer science: 15,000
debt: 10,000
furniture: 3,000
therapy for 1.5 yrs: 2,000
gender affirming clothing: 1,000
veterinary fees: 1000
name change: 200
why?
cw: i am a black darkskinned lesbian transmasc nonbinary sex worker living in poverty who's experienced most forms of violence.
mentions of...
physical & emotional abuse.
sexual repression & shame.
racism.
colorism.
stalking.
child rape.
self-harm.
suicide attempts, ideation, thoughts.
ableism
these layers of trauma are complex & very much so intergenerational & experienced by many of my living & dead relatives.
aug 2018: once i became an independent, weeks after my birthday, using money i had saved working as a waitress, the conditions i experienced living with my parents prompted me to escape.
i have no support system, insurance, or car, though i have a drivers license. i'm licensed as a certified nurses assistant (cna) in kansas, but can't afford to drive out there with an uber or take a 2 hour bus ride because it wouldn't align with any schedule. to get licensed as a cna in missouri, i have to go to belton, missouri & pay testing fees. for those same reasons listed above, i haven't been able to do so.
my parents are homophobic, sexist and transphobic.
they support & justify the violence i experienced at the hands of the men who raped me. one is a 27 year old man, who i was in a relationship with at 18. the other is 40 year old uber driver who lured me at 17. i was forced to remove my iud birth control after i confided these truths in them. i was refused antibiotics after rape lead to a bacterial infection and offered cranberry juice while ridiculed and humiliated while i cried for help in front of relatives.
my father has been emotional & physically abusive to my younger siblings & i since i was born, with or without alcohol's involvement. sexist homophobia based violence reigns rampant, and upon discovery of my self-harm as a youth, more beatings. he has broken my tailbone, attempted murder via strangulation, and denied me access to a doctor after doing so. since seeking healthcare, i’ve discovered i am disabled and have scoliosis as a consequence, among other chronic illnesses.
all attempts to allow child protective services or police intervention by the schools we've attended in illinois & kansas have been foiled as they side with my parents, despite visible scars & markings. additionally, my parents status as kenyan immigrants heightens fears of deportation, which is a major factor preventing asking for help.
my mother has been emotionally incestuous & abusive, enables my fathers violence, & allowed me to become my father's punching bag as she made a failed attempt to end their marriage in late 2017. this prompted my suicide attempt & later hospitalization in the spring of 2018. many of the body issues related to my eating disorder stem from her negative bias around the way i ate, dressed & up kept hygiene. she has consistently shamed me for my bodily agency & sexual autonomy, as well as censored & stole the books i read & the journals i’ve written since 7.
i went to the university of missouri - kansas city full time & worked 2 jobs without parental support because they didn't agree with my double major of english & computer science. i obviously couldn’t handle the stress & had to drop out in the 5th week. i still owe student loans.
i lived in raytown for a few days & later moved in with a coworkers friend my age in kansas city because it wasn't a legal housing situation.
i later discovered this was not the best decision, when she threatened to throw out my cat, hurled racist slurs, & kicked me out illegally with less than a week's notice so she could move in her 30 year old predator boyfriend. this abrupt change forced me to lose my bed & stay with my friend for a weekend before signing an expensive 12 month lease that same week so i wouldn't be homeless.
afterwards my old roommate, her stepfather, & her boyfriend all stalked me at my job demanding rent, with warnings that they called the cops & gave them my information - a death sentence for people who look like me. this violence, as well as online harassment & threats to expose me which caused me to fear returning to sex work, continue to ensue today.
november 2018: i began sex work paired with my two other jobs & slept on the floor of an air mattress in my 900$ bed bug infested apartment for less than 3 months until my depression/ptsd/anxiety medication ran out. i learned couldn't refill it without a doctor or psychiatrist & have no health insurance. my mental health spiraled & i soon couldn't get up or afford rent.
december 2018: once i was about to be evicted i gave up and left to return to my parents.
january 2019: i was locked out of my parents house one night when i came home late. i stayed with new friends in lawrence (lfk) who could afford to have their parents pay their rent & enroll them in university of kansas liberal arts programs. i was told i could stay as long as i needed until i could get a job which became difficult to achieve in the college town in winter.
march 2019: we had a 'house meeting', & i was told by the other 4 members of the house that they wanted me out, relying upon heresy & false accusations as justification. i had a bad anxiety attack & couldn't handle this confrontation so we discussed everything else through text. my antiblack, racist & colorist roommates stated that everyone in the house dealt with mental health issues & prioritized the lightskinned person's experiences over my own, who ironically, they later kicked out as well. i moved back to my parents.
july 2019: i had another episode of suicidal ideation & a close attempt, & drove myself to the hospital. i later contacted the local state mental health department & was prescribed medication. upon discovery of this fact, my parents discouraged me from taking efforts to improve my mental health & i soon stopped.
october 2019: once i was outed to my parents, i left & did survival sex work, sleeping on friends couches for weeks before finding an airbnb. no where else accepts my low credit, credit card debt & history of eviction from 1st time i attempted to leave parents house at 18. here, i barely can afford $400 rent much less the prevention of starvation due to food & essential need insecurity.
december 2019: i shared my small room with a mutual friend i'd met off of facebook marketplace who’d faced similar racist discrimination from a mouse infested housing situation, to halve rent. the conditions we lived in the small room were unsustainable, & we didn't get along well enough to maintain it.
january 2020: i moved to kansas & stayed with a friend's mom rent free & worked as a certified nurses assistant while trying to afford community college without a scholarship. this plan eventually failed due to the lacking accessible transportation, homophobia & the fact that i couldn't keep my cat as an emotional support animal.
march 2020: i moved back to the airbnb in kansas city & finished my spring semester. once covid became a concern, the clubs closed, & i applied for unemployment but was denied.
this airbnb was initially supposed to be a temporary living situation i could save my way out of, but due to covid i'm stuck & unsure how long this will go on. i have no control over who rents other rooms in the house. i don't have silverware or furniture & until recently receiving a close friends mattress have been sleeping in a broken hammock. i still keep my clothes in the suitcase i used to move out in the 1st place.
august 2020: my roommates won't quarantine & various strangers come in & out every week so i don't feel comfortable going into the common areas to cook using our shared utensils & appliances or bathe without fear of transmission.
currently there is a bug infestation of roaches, silverfish, spiders, wasps, ants, flies & gnats because the owner won't properly care for household.
one of my roommates is extremely passive aggressive, colorist, & verbally abusive towards her son. this triggers my ptsd frequently.
i can't afford therapy for my ptsd, depression, eating disorder, & anxiety or a doctor for my allergies, dental care, jaw & chest pain, & family history of asthma while living in a house of indoor smokers.
there's so much in my life i've held onto or mishandled due to residual unresolved trauma. i want to stop repeating these cycles rooted in fear & self sabotage, & feel better for once.
i've held off on creating this because i always felt i wasn't deserving of help. but i know i am in need of better.
being darkskinned trans & lesbian ain't easy. i've never had a chance to simply breathe. a boundless future i envision includes me, nearby a large body of water & content, creating music & art, paying my bills as a software developer, growing plants & food, traveling, & within a supportive community of black queer folx i can serve as a doula & sex therapist.
if you support me, whether by sharing or donating, i thank you for sharing the burden of survival.
i don't trust the cps or the police state because they've consistently supported my abusers when they were supposed to help. i don't agree with this platform taking a cut of the proceeds. but i do believe in community & am thankful to the help i've received from my friends i consider family.
dm me on twitter @jepkogei8 for text conversations & the names of people involved for your own protection.
cashapp: $aloeinc
venmo: aloeinc
raise by when?
ongoing
for what?
my survival.
medical fees for asthma flare-ups, chest pain, braces, jaw pain: 20,000
groceries for 1.5 yrs: 17,000
safe housing for 1.5 yrs: 16,000
car & insurance for 1.5 yrs: 15,000
schooling for computer science: 15,000
debt: 10,000
furniture: 3,000
therapy for 1.5 yrs: 2,000
gender affirming clothing: 1,000
veterinary fees: 1000
name change: 200
why?
cw: i am a black darkskinned lesbian transmasc nonbinary sex worker living in poverty who's experienced most forms of violence.
mentions of...
physical & emotional abuse.
sexual repression & shame.
racism.
colorism.
stalking.
child rape.
self-harm.
suicide attempts, ideation, thoughts.
ableism
these layers of trauma are complex & very much so intergenerational & experienced by many of my living & dead relatives.
aug 2018: once i became an independent, weeks after my birthday, using money i had saved working as a waitress, the conditions i experienced living with my parents prompted me to escape.
i have no support system, insurance, or car, though i have a drivers license. i'm licensed as a certified nurses assistant (cna) in kansas, but can't afford to drive out there with an uber or take a 2 hour bus ride because it wouldn't align with any schedule. to get licensed as a cna in missouri, i have to go to belton, missouri & pay testing fees. for those same reasons listed above, i haven't been able to do so.
my parents are homophobic, sexist and transphobic.
they support & justify the violence i experienced at the hands of the men who raped me. one is a 27 year old man, who i was in a relationship with at 18. the other is 40 year old uber driver who lured me at 17. i was forced to remove my iud birth control after i confided these truths in them. i was refused antibiotics after rape lead to a bacterial infection and offered cranberry juice while ridiculed and humiliated while i cried for help in front of relatives.
my father has been emotional & physically abusive to my younger siblings & i since i was born, with or without alcohol's involvement. sexist homophobia based violence reigns rampant, and upon discovery of my self-harm as a youth, more beatings. he has broken my tailbone, attempted murder via strangulation, and denied me access to a doctor after doing so. since seeking healthcare, i’ve discovered i am disabled and have scoliosis as a consequence, among other chronic illnesses.
all attempts to allow child protective services or police intervention by the schools we've attended in illinois & kansas have been foiled as they side with my parents, despite visible scars & markings. additionally, my parents status as kenyan immigrants heightens fears of deportation, which is a major factor preventing asking for help.
my mother has been emotionally incestuous & abusive, enables my fathers violence, & allowed me to become my father's punching bag as she made a failed attempt to end their marriage in late 2017. this prompted my suicide attempt & later hospitalization in the spring of 2018. many of the body issues related to my eating disorder stem from her negative bias around the way i ate, dressed & up kept hygiene. she has consistently shamed me for my bodily agency & sexual autonomy, as well as censored & stole the books i read & the journals i’ve written since 7.
i went to the university of missouri - kansas city full time & worked 2 jobs without parental support because they didn't agree with my double major of english & computer science. i obviously couldn’t handle the stress & had to drop out in the 5th week. i still owe student loans.
i lived in raytown for a few days & later moved in with a coworkers friend my age in kansas city because it wasn't a legal housing situation.
i later discovered this was not the best decision, when she threatened to throw out my cat, hurled racist slurs, & kicked me out illegally with less than a week's notice so she could move in her 30 year old predator boyfriend. this abrupt change forced me to lose my bed & stay with my friend for a weekend before signing an expensive 12 month lease that same week so i wouldn't be homeless.
afterwards my old roommate, her stepfather, & her boyfriend all stalked me at my job demanding rent, with warnings that they called the cops & gave them my information - a death sentence for people who look like me. this violence, as well as online harassment & threats to expose me which caused me to fear returning to sex work, continue to ensue today.
november 2018: i began sex work paired with my two other jobs & slept on the floor of an air mattress in my 900$ bed bug infested apartment for less than 3 months until my depression/ptsd/anxiety medication ran out. i learned couldn't refill it without a doctor or psychiatrist & have no health insurance. my mental health spiraled & i soon couldn't get up or afford rent.
december 2018: once i was about to be evicted i gave up and left to return to my parents.
january 2019: i was locked out of my parents house one night when i came home late. i stayed with new friends in lawrence (lfk) who could afford to have their parents pay their rent & enroll them in university of kansas liberal arts programs. i was told i could stay as long as i needed until i could get a job which became difficult to achieve in the college town in winter.
march 2019: we had a 'house meeting', & i was told by the other 4 members of the house that they wanted me out, relying upon heresy & false accusations as justification. i had a bad anxiety attack & couldn't handle this confrontation so we discussed everything else through text. my antiblack, racist & colorist roommates stated that everyone in the house dealt with mental health issues & prioritized the lightskinned person's experiences over my own, who ironically, they later kicked out as well. i moved back to my parents.
july 2019: i had another episode of suicidal ideation & a close attempt, & drove myself to the hospital. i later contacted the local state mental health department & was prescribed medication. upon discovery of this fact, my parents discouraged me from taking efforts to improve my mental health & i soon stopped.
october 2019: once i was outed to my parents, i left & did survival sex work, sleeping on friends couches for weeks before finding an airbnb. no where else accepts my low credit, credit card debt & history of eviction from 1st time i attempted to leave parents house at 18. here, i barely can afford $400 rent much less the prevention of starvation due to food & essential need insecurity.
december 2019: i shared my small room with a mutual friend i'd met off of facebook marketplace who’d faced similar racist discrimination from a mouse infested housing situation, to halve rent. the conditions we lived in the small room were unsustainable, & we didn't get along well enough to maintain it.
january 2020: i moved to kansas & stayed with a friend's mom rent free & worked as a certified nurses assistant while trying to afford community college without a scholarship. this plan eventually failed due to the lacking accessible transportation, homophobia & the fact that i couldn't keep my cat as an emotional support animal.
march 2020: i moved back to the airbnb in kansas city & finished my spring semester. once covid became a concern, the clubs closed, & i applied for unemployment but was denied.
this airbnb was initially supposed to be a temporary living situation i could save my way out of, but due to covid i'm stuck & unsure how long this will go on. i have no control over who rents other rooms in the house. i don't have silverware or furniture & until recently receiving a close friends mattress have been sleeping in a broken hammock. i still keep my clothes in the suitcase i used to move out in the 1st place.
august 2020: my roommates won't quarantine & various strangers come in & out every week so i don't feel comfortable going into the common areas to cook using our shared utensils & appliances or bathe without fear of transmission.
currently there is a bug infestation of roaches, silverfish, spiders, wasps, ants, flies & gnats because the owner won't properly care for household.
one of my roommates is extremely passive aggressive, colorist, & verbally abusive towards her son. this triggers my ptsd frequently.
i can't afford therapy for my ptsd, depression, eating disorder, & anxiety or a doctor for my allergies, dental care, jaw & chest pain, & family history of asthma while living in a house of indoor smokers.
there's so much in my life i've held onto or mishandled due to residual unresolved trauma. i want to stop repeating these cycles rooted in fear & self sabotage, & feel better for once.
i've held off on creating this because i always felt i wasn't deserving of help. but i know i am in need of better.
being darkskinned trans & lesbian ain't easy. i've never had a chance to simply breathe. a boundless future i envision includes me, nearby a large body of water & content, creating music & art, paying my bills as a software developer, growing plants & food, traveling, & within a supportive community of black queer folx i can serve as a doula & sex therapist.
if you support me, whether by sharing or donating, i thank you for sharing the burden of survival.
i don't trust the cps or the police state because they've consistently supported my abusers when they were supposed to help. i don't agree with this platform taking a cut of the proceeds. but i do believe in community & am thankful to the help i've received from my friends i consider family.
dm me on twitter @jepkogei8 for text conversations & the names of people involved for your own protection.
Organizer and beneficiary
O e
Organizer
Kansas City, MO
Aloe Kogei
Beneficiary
