Aid Samuel's Dad in His Quest for Equal Parenting

Anyone who knows me, knows that my kids are my number one priority. Always have been. Unfortunately, the mother of my 1st son has been extremely difficult, and makes co-parenting a fever dream, not putting the best interest of our son first. For 3 years, our son has been on a schedule of one week on, one week off. I loved this because I spent real time with him, my family got to interact with him, he was able to be with his other siblings, and he was on a good schedule. The second she was able to take it away she did. She left him more at daycare than actually spending time with him, being at daycare from 7:30am/8am - 4/5:30pm, to put him in bed by 9pm. When I offered for me and/or my family to take care of him that way she didn’t have to worry about an ABC voucher, paying or having a stranger take care of him, she said no. Even though the daycare and where I lived was about 10 minutes down the road, not causing an inconvenience at all. Even offering to pick him up and drop him off to make it easier for her. She’d rather have me go to jail than to be able to provide our son everything he needs.

She’d rather take me to court and put me on child support to pay for her bills, her schooling, and to pay for her vacations? I’ve offered to pay for his school supplies, I’ve offered to buy him shoes, clothes, personal hygiene supplies, I’ve offered to reimburse for things she’s bought our son, Samuel, and she says no. But yet she wants me to be “proactive” and “take responsibility” for our son? I bought him a big tote of BRAND NEW clothes from Oshkosh B’gosh because they had an incredible sale, got him clothes that he would fit in just right and clothes that he would be able to grow into. Told her I’ll like to go drop it off for him and she told me no because “he has enough clothes” and “won’t be able to fit in his closet”. I’m sorry but I don’t think any child has “enough clothes”, kids grow up so quick and outgrow clothes, get clothes stained that sometimes don’t come out, clothes rip, etc, especially being an active little boy. Due to South Carolina being a mother state, I lost it all. I got stuck with seeing our son every other weekend and having to pay her lawyers, my own lawyer, GAL fees, and child support. Spending time in J Ruben while my family fought for a way to gather up the funds to help me get out, pulling every favor they could just for me to not be able to support my family and not lose my house, my cars, everything I possibly own which is not much to begin with, and trash my credit, all because she’s not willing to co-parent. Throwing the burden onto my family of having to put themselves into debt just for me to not lose more than what I already am. The trauma of having to be in J Ruben Long is something I’ll never forget. The state of mind it put me in, the depression, the anxiety, not only to myself but my children, and my family.

For WANTING to spend more time with him, For WANTING to provide him with everything he needs. I’m not a drug addict, I’m not an alcoholic, I’m not abusive, I’m hardworking, I’m kind, and want to be able to be there for our son. Be an actual father. Not a babysitter. Yet I get the bare minimum those type of people get. She has NEVER ever asked me to provide him with something and got told no. Nor has even made an attempt to let me know what he needs/wants.

Mind you, I’m the one who took her to court because she took him away Feb, Mar, Apr, May of 2020. Didn’t let me talk to him, I saw him maybe once a month for 2-3 hours? She would not let me or my family see him unless it was on her terms even when the judge told her that she needs to allow me to see him, update me about him, video chat with him, nothing. In fact she told me to go have other kids and to forget about him. It wasn’t until May 29th, 2020 when we got the court order of alternating weeks.

I took her to court for 50/50. One week on, one week off, no child support, we both make decisions for him, we both pay our own lawyers and that’s it. Fair right? Not to her. She wanted and got sole custody. Now I’m being punished for not being able to pay for her lifestyle, having to pay over 20k in lawyers because at the time of court I had a good paying job, my own place, and according to the judge I have to pay because I made slightly more than she did. Now she claims to work only 8 hours a week and can’t afford to pay for his stuff even though I have offered to do so. We were never married, yet she feels entitled to some alimony? I had to be in J Ruben for nearly a week one time and the second time a few days because I can not afford to be able to pay GAL fees, her lawyer fees, and child support. They refuse to take payments and refuse to take account my situation, while being able to provide documents that support what is going on, this economy doesn’t help either. I feel like child support is for those who don’t want to be involved in their child’s life, who don’t make an effort to provide for the child. If I could spend more time with him, I for sure would. I WANT to spend more time with him but if it doesn’t benefit her, she doesn’t allow it. I did my absolute best to be able to stay out of the court, and be two adults who want and are able to co-parent. She’s taking our son out of the country this Monday and won’t tell me any information about flights or whereabouts. Because it is “private”. Just that he will be in Mexico with her. Like how is that reassuring knowing your son will be out of the country not knowing where he is and you’re just suppose to be okay with it? I’m not saying she’s a terrible mom either. She loves our son, cares for him, and looks after him and does her best she can as a mother. But at this point, it’s parallel parenting. I’m now asking for help in the direction to find a lawyer help me navigate through this. Perhaps a pro-bono lawyer? Any donations to help me get through this difficult time will be towards all the legal fees that they keep piling on to me, a father who wants to be in his sons life, a father who wants to provide his son with everything he needs and/or could ever want.