Aid Jonathan in Rebuilding His Life
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I’m Jonathan Calvin Puno. I’m 22
and on the edge of being homeless. I’ve been stuck in a narcissistic abusive household since my dad took custody of me in 2012. I grew up with my mom, Jenny Puno Mathias in Jamestown ND. They were divorced since I can remember, but my dad still abused my mom. She died in 2012 at only 36. My dad robbed her of her life. On June 25th, an incident happened that shook me and woke me up from my nightmare. This is an email I wrote to my former elementary school teacher the next day, that was close with my mom and family:
Hey Mrs. Krebopple, I’m trapped and alone. Ever since my dad took us I’ve been living in hell. My dad is a narcissist and my stepmom is an enabler. I’m living in a cycle that’s designed by my dad to make me fail. I can’t speak up about the abuse, i cant be me. I have to put on a mask to survive everyday. If I speak the truth I’m labeled as broken. Im the one that needs to be fixed, when they’re the ones that broke me. A couple days ago my dad was being hard on my little brother and I went to comfort him. I had been limiting my interactions with him and was realizing the situation I was in. My dad asked me why I was such an asshole. He said I have no respect. I responded with “did you show me and my sisters respect when you abused us.” This made him go berserk. He flipped a table, screaming the whole time. He said, “I’ll show you abuse!” I locked my self in my room and called my grandparents. My dad begins to slam on my door and hurl insults. He said I’m cutting you out of everything. You’re out! Get out of my fucking house! I went out of the house, walked with my stepmom and my dog, and came back. Outside, I call my grand parents and my stepdad. I tell them everything. I tell them I need help. They have their own issues. They have their own lives. Things are different. They moved on. I wanted to leave and I’d hope they’d be there for me. I packed my things and was planning on leaving. Then my grandparents sent me a text telling me how they really felt. The only person that’s listening to me is Dalton. He’s the only one who sees the way I’m living and wants to help. He already has just by being there. When my grandparents told me how they felt. I crumbled. I was alone. I wanted to die. I was in the living room crying. My dad came back from work and saw me. He gave me a hug. It haunts me. He cries to me. He’s a great actor. He said he wasn’t an abuser. I told him that it scared me when he yelled. He said that he only yelled when I was doing something wrong. I was broken. I felt like my entire family died that day. My only hope. I hugged and squeezed my dad like everything was okay. Like everything was normal. He said I didn’t have to leave anymore and to unpack my things. I’m a 22 year old man, but he turns me into a child. A child looking for hope. Looking for comfort. That night, last night they went out and are staying at a golf course. Im writing this while they’re gone. They’re coming back today.
I feel scared. I feel unsafe and I feel alone.
I’m just supposed to conform again. Go back to their normal. It’s the cycle of my life, and my life’s the cycle of abuse. He’s a leach. He leached onto my mom , and now he has me. That little boy in your class hid under the coffee table of his house while his dad was visiting: more like invading. I hid because I watched with my hands over my ears crying as he screamed at her, berated her, put her down, broke her. Thats why thinking about her is the only thing that makes me feel. Through all that: through fucking cancer she was still a wonderful human, and a wonderful mother. Everything’s about control. Being on top. Winning. I’m the scape goat. My sister is the golden child. He has control over every aspect of my life to make it as hard as possible for me to leave and cut him off completely. I will provide links with information about the situation I’m living in. I don’t know what I’m asking for. At the least I just want people to know the truth. I don’t know how much longer I have left. I’m drained.
Oh and you have a pretty kickass birthday
Love, Jonathan C. Puno
My dad has control over my finances. He controls my car. He controls my phone. My bank account is dependent on his. I was forced to be dependent on him. He has all my personal paperwork I need to be fully independent. I’ve been going to a facility that’s been helping me get out of my situation. I now have prescriptions and the mental health treatment I need. They also provide me with physical health services, job search services and group sessions. Still I’m battling with my own body everyday to function but I was able to escape. I thought I was gonna have to live in my car for a bit until future appointments with the facility but I found a life line. I found a friend that needed a roommate to rent with. I had just enough gas to make it, and I have a place to sleep now. Before I left my abusive house, my dad gave me my registration renewal warning, knowing that I was broke and couldn’t afford it when I was trying to leave. My roommates are letting me stay for free until august 1st. The rent with parking is $1,166. I also have to pay for my vehicle registration and gas to live and make it to upcoming appointments. I’m relying on snacks and drinks I took from my house to sustain myself. I’m surviving. Today I created my own bank account but am still not an official resident so I only have a virtual card and account. To even start my residency, there’s a $25 fee. I have $8 in the bank account my dad controls. My car is parked on a street with valuables inside. If you hear me, please help me out. My dad stole most of my life and potential away from me, and I’m trying to take it back. I have friends and family that can validate my situation and that keep me going through this intense yet meaningful time in my life. I love you all ❤️
Understanding my situation:
The Narcissist in Your Life by Julie L. Hall
How to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse by Caroline Strawson
You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse by Melanie Tonia Evans
https://medium.com/@erinwatsonwriting/narcissistic-system-abuse-what-it-is-how-it-works-and-why-its-so-damaging-cb46d6e614d0
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/06/15/narcissistic-abuse-and-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202302/narcissistic-abuse-red-flags-checklist/amp
https://youtube.com/@jerrywise?si=YbS5s10RzbhgioV7
Organizer
Jonathan Puno
Organizer
Spring Valley, CA