(I’ll do my best to summarize)

Hello everyone, my name is Brittany. My husband, Ethan, is a wonderful man, husband and father. He’s an award winning and accomplished flight medic. He also suffers from depression and PTSD. On May 1st, he attempted to take his own life. I was at work when I got the “goodbye” message. I pinged his phone the moment I got the message and had a place to look, as well as to pass off to the police. My amazing coworkers drove me and made sure I wasn’t alone. We headed to the mountains, as that’s where he said he was going, and I also had his last location.

The police were in touch with me, but I’ll be honest, they were less than helpful. But that’s another story. I’m also very happy I followed my gut and didn’t listen to them to just “go home”.

After the police conducted their “search” and told me to wait at home, then file a missing person in 24 hours, I decided to find the car. We found the car up the canyon and out of cell service. We started hiking the trail… all in our work clothes. We found Ethan on a rock up in the mountains, off the beaten path. He was unconscious/unresponsive, but breathing. One coworker ran back down the trail and drove her car to get a signal to call for help. Myself and the other coworker carried my husband down. We discovered an unused knife, and his bottle of antidepressants (SSRIs) in his backpack - so this helped us know what he took. The ambulance met us at the trailhead about a minute later. He was in critical condition.

That was the first time I rode in an ambulance, and it was very surreal that my husband was the patient.

After he was stable and coming around in the hospital… I learned he was VERY close to being gone forever when we found him. 15-30 minutes close.

We spent 4 days in the hospital, 1.5 of those being in the ICU, as he had to be intubated in the ER. He then spent a few days in a psych hold while we got doctor’s appointments set up.

My husband has fought hard most of his life to try to overcome the darkness… but he has been failed by insurance, and traditional methods. He has over a dozen failed attempts on medications, and last year it took a non-insurance covered genetic test to find out what antidepressant works best for him. Which was one he tried years ago, but insurance denied him because of cost. So while that was what he used in his attempt, it’s the right one for him. However, there is no medication that treats PTSD. He was put on a medication recently to try to help aid with the nightmares, but he had a negative side effect that affects <1% of people. Things like this are what make him feel broken and unfixable.

So we decided - traditional methods are not working - so we will try the non-traditional route. Some of these methods are covered by insurance, and some are not. One method we are trying is $2,400 out of pocket. And while other methods are covered, we still have to pay co-pays per visit.

We have appointments for TMS, talk therapy, psychiatry, and also looking into more. This week alone, we have 5 scheduled appointments.

We are working to rebuild the neuro pathways that trauma and depression have destroyed. The goal is for him to have more positive self-talk, and to be able to feel emotions again. He’s been numb for too long.

We were already living paycheck to paycheck, and right now we don’t have any money for groceries. So I’m creating this to help with medical costs, as well as living expenses and bills, while we navigate this situation. We are both not working right now, but are trying to file FAMLI+. We have friends doing meal trains for dinner, and that’s been a massive help. One less thing to figure out. Not having to worry about the bills would be a major help right now for sure.

We appreciate anything and everything.

The cover photo was taken the day before his attempt.

We also have 2 young boys who absolutely adore and idolize their dad, but I’m trying not to post their pictures here. 

Our full goal is $10,000. GoFundMe does the goals in sections. 

We do also have Zelle, cashapp ($firemac) and Venmo (@Brittany-Macaluso-2)