"Do or do not, there is no try"
-Yoda
So goes the admonishment from one of my oldest teachers, fictional though he may be. I find myself calling these words to mind as I stand at an unexpected crossroads in life. The last couple of years have been an intense journey through difficulty and self-discovery, so naturally now - between jobs, in the midst of a pandemic and social upheaval - seems to be the best time for me to "do".
I remember being a kiddo and believing I could grow up to be a boy
I remember the dismay and frustration when my body began to develop
I remember my mom telling me I had to wear a shirt at the pool and burning with anger, embarrassment, confusion
I remember my brother trying to make me feel better by telling me "Well, I think they look more like pecs"
More recently, I recall realizing that I did not have to be defined by the gender binary. That there is a longstanding tradition of 3rd gender people in the Hawai’ian islands. That my identity reaches back before and beyond the boundaries dictated by an occupying force that has done its best to erase who we are. As I learn and grapple with and step into the fullness of who I am, I realize that the need to bring my body into alignment with my identity is rooted deeply and burns fiercely and demands to be recognized. As part of this journey I have decided to move forward with top surgery, and this is where I must ask you, my community, for help.
I have top surgery scheduled for Dec. 3rd of this year. Working in a physically demanding field and parenting a physically demanding kiddo (if you know James, you know what I mean) has given me a lot of pause around the timing of this operation, but when I got laid off due to COVID-19, I realized there was a unique opportunity to turn this in-between time into recovery time. Unfortunately, being laid off also means my insurance coverage ends and so covering the operation that way is no longer an option. The amount I'm asking for will pay the out-of-pocket costs of the surgery, as well as medication and follow up visits to monitor the healing. If you are able to pitch in a few bucks, I greatly appreciate it. If you are able to share this gofundme with your circles, I am forever grateful. If you send me hope and healing and love, then you are a great blessing to me.
Mahalo nui loa for reading and considering.
Love and Aloha,
Ahi
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
If you aren't completely sure what I'm talking about there is a lot of info to be found on the internet machine and I've included a couple of articles below as a place to start.
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-non-binary-people-how-to-be-respectful-and-supportive