I'd like to start off by saying I adore my dad, even after his passing. I'll touch on that a little more.

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic colon cancer, a month after his 50th birthday, January 1st of 2025 this year. I had just turned 24 and had been a month out of Cosmo school. My brother, 18, was in his senior year of high school, my sister, 21, planning her future with her fiancé.

Immediately, because I am the eldest of my siblings, I put my life on pause to take care of my dad. My dad was in the hospital for 2 weeks. I drove every single day in and out of Boston (an hour and a half one way) to see him. My sister and I took the lead in the beginning, though she had to take a break because no one should see their parent in such pain. My dad was in and out of the hospital for pain management. In the first two months, I experienced more sleepless nights than I had ever imagined. I held him as he cried, rubbed his back, sat him up, prepared his meals, everything.

I am so thankful for my friends Chloe and Kate, as we didn't have a visiting nurse for the first few months to teach him how to care for his new ostomy. Chloe would drive to wherever and whenever we needed her. Kate and she would sit with him when I needed a day break. Kate would grab us groceries with him when he felt up to it. Mel for visiting with positivity, empathy, giving my brother rides, and helping us store my dad's things. I've truly made sisters for life.

When my sister had to tap out, my brother missed 2 days of school every week to take care of my dad. I'd like to add that my brother and sister had to drive/find someone to drive the hour to and the hour back to our dad's. We really, really love our dad.

After time, things of course got easier. My sister tapped back in, my brother continued to help, though I remained the primary caretaker due to having the most healthcare and life experience.

But like any and every story, our dad passed in the hospital holding my brother's hand.

I'll take this moment, again, to thank....

Chloe: for teaching him how to do his ostomy, taking him to chemo, staying/taking care of and sitting with him. I know he adored you.

Kate: for lending me money for rent, to buy a 'new' car. For taking him to the grocery store, standing with him as he drove the little scooter in every aisle, despite having no spatial awareness.

Will: for lending me your brand new car for 3 months, so I could take my dad to chemo appointments when my car broke down. For making us food :)

Jack, Maegan, and Robin: For the money you lent me during this time.

again, Jack: for staying in the apartment and paying 1/3 of the rent so I didn't have to pay my $900 in total, not my roommate.

Abdallah: for coming over last minute to help us with car trouble.

My mom: despite being divorced from him, invited him to live with her for the last month of his life before he went to the hospital and never came back.

his Lowell Cancer Center care team: physical and mental care team. They did their best.

Virginia Healing Garden: he learned coping techniques and got the best love and massages there!

FINALLY, his landlord's family: for allowing him a significantly smaller amount of rent. For housing him and us in a hotel when his apartment caught fire.

To cut it short, my siblings and I ran on my dad's unemployment, which dwindled quite fast. We waited for Disability Social Security that FINALLY came the month he passed. The PCA company did not kick in until the last few weeks. My dad did not have a savings, his car had to be junked due to transmission failure, nor did my dad have life insurance to leave behind to us. On November 28th, our dad left us with nothing but memories and love.

If I could choose, I would do it all over again. I still love my dad. I am not angry at him for where I am now standing. I know things could have been different, but the way things went were so my dad always gave us a smile—despite always being in pain. Papi always looked on the positive side, he never complained unless we begged him to—he was always humble and thankful. My dad is the goofiest and funniest dad ever. I know he's an angel because everyone told him so.

My Papi wiped my tears, believed in me, told my siblings and me every day he loves us. He thanked us every chance he got. He loved me for me. My dad will always be my hero and the bravest man I know. I love you most, Papi. "And I win!!"

So, this is where I stand:

$7,000 behind in rent.

$2,300 behind in utilities.

$6,000 indebted to friends.

$1,200 borrowed to cremate my dad.

Like I had said, I would do this all again. I love my dad. I am just left with debt due to having needed to take care of him full-time with my 21 and 18-year-old brother. We did not work due to never having been caretakers and the unpredictable hospital visits my dad needed.

I will use all of this money to pay off my bills and debts, to put my car back on the road, to pay off future rent. Any that is left will be split with my siblings. I will use my portion for my cosmetology test and to help me with Nursing school.

This has been the worst and best year of my life. I'm happy I got so close to my dad—but if I could trade my life for his, I would. My siblings deserve their dad still here. I miss him every day. Thank you for reading this. I really appreciate it. I love you.