After almost 15 years of Fighting Alone, I’m Asking For Help
(גוגל דרייב)
My name is Gil. I’m 32 years old, and for the past 14 years, I’ve been trying to rebuild my life after a childhood of regular physical and emotional abuse which left me with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and as a result, currently unable to work.
I grew up in a home that looked stable and successful from the outside — my parents were educated, high-achieving, and financially well-off — but behind closed doors, they were emotionally and physically abusive, manipulative, and controlling throughout my childhood.
When I graduated high school, instead of supporting me, they sent me away.
And they knowingly and willingly placed me — against my will — in a private institutional drug rehab facility for teenagers when I was 18 years old, despite never having used drugs, alcohol, broken any laws, or displayed any signs of substance abuse or addiction.
It was supposed to be a one-month “personal development program.” Instead, it became a 13-month ordeal that changed my life forever.
What happened
At 18, I was told I was going to a wilderness program for a few weeks of “character-building.”
What actually happened was this:
My mobile phone, wallet, and personal belongings were all confiscated.
I was cut off from the outside world, more than 2,000 km from home.
I hiked 15-20 km a day in all weather conditions and slept outdoors in a sleeping bag for three months.
I received one shower and one hot meal per week.
I was allowed to shave once in those three months.
The company running the program was called Aspiro (the company itself is no longer active).
When that was over, I was transferred straight to a private inpatient drug rehabilitation facility in Redlands, California.
It was called Benchmark Transitions.
There were around 50 other patients there, nearly all of them in the process of recovering from addiction to drugs, alcohol or having previous involvement with the criminal justice system.
I was none of these things - and yet I was treated as if I were one of them.
I protested to my parents that I didn’t belong there, and gave them explicit logical reasons to back my protests, in the hope that they would realize that they had made a mistake and allow me to return home.
But I was told by my father to stop complaining, or they would instruct the program's staff to not permit me to telephone them again.
I was also told by my parents that if I refused to cooperate or run away, I would be disowned from the family.
I was at these two programs for a combined duration of 13 months, from August 2011 until September 2012.
What it did to me
I survived — but the effects were long-lasting.
I left that program psychologically shattered, but I had no choice at the time but to bury and compartmentalize the damage of these experiences and push forward in life; but never had the chance to fully focus on recovery.
I came back to Chicago and enrolled in a local community college, and later transferred to a larger university where I studied for 2 years but did not complete a degree.
In July 2015, I moved from the United States to Israel. I did a six-month internship program with an IT startup, and then I served in the IDF for almost 2.5 years. After my release, I went back to university (in Israel), completed a bachelor’s degree, and worked in IT in Israel for five years.
I did everything I was “supposed” to do —
But underneath it all, I’ve been in survival mode ever since.
No real period of time to focus on my healing. No healthy or safe support networks. No stable intimate relationships.
And no healthy financial framework — purely financial support given in exchange for coerced silence, manipulation, gaslighting, and obedience.
On October 12th 2025, with my therapists’ full endorsement, I joined a structured 27-day Nomad Cruise (from Seattle to Sydney).
I bought the ticket five days before departure, after long discussions with my clinicians, because it offered something I had urgently needed for years: a stable, structured environment, routine, community, and daily workshops — a healthier alternative to being isolated and adrift.
It was the first time in years that I felt physically safe, emotionally supported, and surrounded by a daily routine — things that are essential for CPTSD recovery and impossible to simulate when living alone under financial and emotional pressure.
Although the word “cruise” sounds like a luxury vacation, this program was primarily a floating co-working and personal-development environment. For me, it was a way to drastically reduce my October and November living costs (rent, utilities, food, therapy transportation), not increase them.
My father opposed it strongly and irrationally (“Your mother and I don’t get to go on cruises, so why should you?”). His objection wasn’t financial or logical.
Despite my explanations and my therapist’s support, he became angry during a Zoom session and hung up.
Because the ticket had just been purchased on my credit card, my October transfer request was higher than usual — but my overall costs for November were projected to be far lower.
He then transferred only a fraction (15,896 NIS against more than 93,000 NIS due), and as a result of the lack of sufficient funds needed to pay the credit card bills, they have been frozen.
I protested to him that not paying the full amount would have a disastrous impact on my credit rating long-term, and he said that it was not his concern – he never approved the expense beforehand.
I reminded him once again that it would lower my overall expenses for November compared to previous months, and he said, “I don’t care that it is less money – you are not getting to go on a cruise.”
The bank/credit card issuers have begun legal action, and I’ve been sent collection notice letters.
I have never spent beyond his means; his pattern always indicated that willingness, not ability, was the issue.
Why I need help now
Over the last few months, things fell apart.
As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, the financial support I relied on from my parents has been withheld — without warning or any period of advanced notice to adjust.
My credit cards are frozen. I have no reserves of cash. I can’t pay for essentials — food, rent, or basic medical care.
After the cruise ended in Sydney, I flew to Chiang Mai (Thailand), which is one of the least expensive places in the world to live in while still having basic infrastructure and also access to a large community of digital nomads and remote workers, which helps me feel a bit less isolated and provides a framework for professional growth.
I’m keeping things as simple and inexpensive as possible — basic room, basic food, no extras — just trying to reduce every expense I can while I work through the situation I shared in my fundraiser.
Meals here cost the equivalent of $1–3, so it’s one of the few places I can realistically afford to stay stable month to month.
I plan to stay here for a while. Right now it’s the only realistic way for me to stretch whatever support I receive and stay stable month-to-month.
I’ve reached a point where I truly cannot keep going alone.
Before reaching out to the general public, over the last 2 weeks, I sent detailed letters to all members of my extended family (from my generation and my parents’ generation) – telling them the full story and requesting any and all assistance they may be able to provide.
Unfortunately, this has not been forthcoming. Most have not replied to my emails.
I also sent letters to more than a dozen close long-time family friends in the Chicago Jewish community, including two prominent local rabbis, telling them the full story and requesting assistance from them.
This also has been met with silence.
Telling this story publicly was something I tried to avoid at all costs – but I feel like I have no choice, and the threat to my personal and financial survival is now existential.
So after nearly 15 years of trying to rebuild and cope quietly, I’m asking for help — directly and humbly.
My parents’ very first response to my publishing this fundraiser was to fire my longtime therapist — the one source of stability I’ve had for all of the past 14 years.
Shortly afterward, my brother sent me a message saying he will never speak to me again.
Both of these events happened within 24 hours of this fundraiser going live (on 30 October 2025).
It’s heartbreaking, but it also makes it clear that I had no choice but to bring the truth to light.
And this is just a brief summary.
What I have outlined here is a very small version of the full story.
I’ve written a detailed, comprehensive multi-page letter that explains everything — my childhood experiences, the lifelong abuse, being sent away to the two treatment programs – and how it affected me, what happened afterwards, and how I got to where I am today. It gives the reader the full picture and leaves no stone unturned.
If you’d like to read it, the links are located on this page:
Please note:
It’s long and may be emotionally heavy. But I want to be fully transparent, and I’ve made it available to anyone who wants full context.
What your donation will support
Rent & housing stability for the next 6 months (currently in Chiang Mai, Thailand)
Food, prescription medication, health insurance, other medical expenses, Bituach Leumi (Israeli social security taxes), mobile phone bills
Weekly trauma therapy sessions, CPTSD recovery and personal development efforts
Credit/debt stabilization (currently above NIS 90,000 - to avoid default, homelessness, and destitution)
Monthly bank loan payments (NIS 76,000 currently owed, over the course of the next 42 months)
Time to heal and focus on rebuilding my emotional and psychological strength and framework
My initial goal is NIS 200,000 (just over USD $61,000) — enough to get out of immediate danger from the credit card debt, cover my monthly living expenses and loan payments for several months, and breathe for the first time in my adult life.
I understand that NIS 200,000 may seem like a large amount. More than half of it will go directly toward overdue credit card payments and the next 4 months of existing bank loans, with the remainder covering basic living costs and therapy for the coming months — not luxury, just stability.
If you have questions for me, do not hesitate to ask them. Parts of this account may strain credulity; nearly everyone who has learned the full story has felt that way at first.
I expect skepticism and I welcome scrutiny, because it is the truth, and I am ready to substantiate every part of it.
A note about privacy & follow-up
You can donate anonymously if you prefer.
You won’t be contacted for more. I won’t follow up.
Whatever you give — large or small — I’ll receive it with gratitude and use it with care.
And if you can’t donate, but want to help — sharing this story with others who may be able to contribute would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you.
Organizer
