Please help me get my first car
Donation protected
Hi everyone, I’m truly ashamed that I’m writing this and essentially begging others for money, but here is my situation. I am so sorry if any of this is confusing or hard to understand but there’s just so much to unpack so I’ll try to keep it as concise as possible. For Christmas this year, I decided that I wanted to finally get myself a car after years of sharing one with my mother. For context regarding my family situation, my mother is originally from China, and my Dad is from Missouri. They’ve been married 32-ish years and it’s been a toxic marriage from its inception. The car I’m looking to buy is $5.5k, of which I am providing $4000 that I have saved up.
From the day I was brought into the world, I’ve lived in an environment where my delusional, abusive, narcissistic, and CONTROLLING father(labels given to him by my therapist) has taken advantage my mother. My mom is a kind-hearted, happy go lucky woman with a zest for life, but unfortunately she’s extremely naive. Naive to the point where she doesn’t even know the login information to her own joint bank account with my father, which is where her paychecks are deposited to. Naive to the point where she didn’t even know that the car we share is in her name as the primary, and I’m an authorized driver. So, ever since I was young I’ve been the responsible adult in my family. I’ve been caught in the middle of their relationship my whole life, and some of my earliest memories were me as a 5 year old crying and begging my parents to stop arguing. At the time growing up, all I knew was something was wrong, and I tried to make everything better. I went through school and expressed gratitude for providing me clothes,food, and a roof over my head, and I backed it up by never doing anything considered “bad”. Never did drugs, went to parties, I don’t even drink. I did all of the things I was told and that was that, because I thought if I was the perfect son I could fix everything for my mom.
I went to college and took out $30k in loans not because we couldn’t afford it, but because my dad had control over the finances, and regularly spends thousands of dollars at a time on frivolous meals, “vacations”, cars, airplane parts, and more. For transparency, my mother is a delta flight attendant and has made solid money for the last 10-15 years, since she’s been a flight attendant for close to 30 years. However, money always seems to be tight since my mom and myself almost never buy things for ourselves. And even though she makes enough to assist her family back home, for nearly 20 years her family shunned her and verbally attacked her, because she would promise to assist them financially. Unfortunately, she was never able to help them due to all of the money going to a joint account controlled by my father, who refused that any money be sent to her family back in China. At the time, they were struggling to pay hospital expenses for my dying grandfather.
Since my mother is so soft-hearted, and I am as well, she always made excuses for my father that he truly cares about me, even though when I was young he was always too “busy making money for you ungrateful fucks and you keep interrupting important business”. Keep in mind these are things said to a child at various times throughout my life. Ironically, that “important business” has been his full time job of scamming my mother out of her livelihood to fuel spending on lavish things, and he has never held a job for more than 2-3 years (he always worked as a contractor). The last time he had a job lasting longer than 1-2 weeks was a 6 month assignment in Japan when I was 10 years old if my memory serves correctly. I’m 23 now.
Also, this is my father’s second marriage. His first wife was Vietnamese, they had 2 kids and she left him because he could never hold a job and their kids had to see them fight all the time. She found a new husband and none of them speak to him anymore. But growing up, I was always told the lie that the courts screwed him over and stopped him from being able to see his kids. He also never paid child support to my knowledge.
As a result, holidays obviously aren’t usually the happiest times for me, and my dad hates the holidays because “people start wanting things by a certain time and it gives me a headache”. So as you can probably imagine, we don’t do Christmas gifts and the like. That’s why this year when I informed them I was looking to buy a car and asked if they could possibly help me with $1500 to go towards my car, that’s when shit hit the fan. I asked my mother specifically if that would be possible, and not to worry about it if not. However, she got my father involved since he controls the finances, and he has since done nothing but accuse me of being ungrateful, disrespectful,etc. Now that I’m 23 and see through all of the bullshit he’s spun over the years, I know now his word means nothing. I asked him why his first wife left him and Why his kids don’t speak to him(I already knew the answer) but he STILL tried to convince me it was him that divorced HER
I’ve been fortunate enough 3-4 months ago to finally get a job I enjoy and my own place to live all. I sorted out all of these arrangements all on my own, through no help of theirs. Tonight on Christmas Eve when I was at home for the holiday because my mother begged me to come home and assured me it would go smoothly(which she does every year even though the cycle repeats itself), my father picked a fight with me about being disrespectful to him. I was tired and said I wasn’t in the mood to speak to him. This eventually led to a huge fight that ended with him stealing the car I share with my mom (that I use to get to work) and driving off with it as his final method of punishing me for trying to distance myself from him.
So, to make a long story short, I’ve held resentment against my dad for a number of years, because of all of the things he forced me to do as a child just because he could. This includes doing his taxes, renewing/cancelling life insurance policies, and even proofreading resumes and even drafting replies to job listings that he would never get, as he’s unhireable. He would always later frame it as “I’m not looking for a job anyways, I have a full time job managing our investments!”. I’ve even mediated their separation terms from my mother because obviously they’ve had a tumultuous marriage and I’m constantly having to pick up the pieces. This is just a small look into the suffering/trauma I’ve survived through, and I’ve been in intensive therapy since I was 18, and suffered various mental illnesses undiagnosed(depression,anxiety,adhd, the whole cocktail) since the age of 13-14 at the earliest. It’s a miracle I’m alive today and it’s all thanks to the amazing friends I’ve made who are my true family.
All of this being said, the reason I’m asking for $1500 is to be able to finally get my independence from my abusive father so I can try to live some semblance of a normal life. The only thing left he has over me is that I don’t have a car of my own, and that’s why he’s punished me by stealing the thing that gives me the ability to make a life for myself. If you’ve made it this far, I hope all of this made some sense and I’m sorry for the wall of text. Any contribution would be appreciated, thank you for reading and Happy holidays! ❤️
From the day I was brought into the world, I’ve lived in an environment where my delusional, abusive, narcissistic, and CONTROLLING father(labels given to him by my therapist) has taken advantage my mother. My mom is a kind-hearted, happy go lucky woman with a zest for life, but unfortunately she’s extremely naive. Naive to the point where she doesn’t even know the login information to her own joint bank account with my father, which is where her paychecks are deposited to. Naive to the point where she didn’t even know that the car we share is in her name as the primary, and I’m an authorized driver. So, ever since I was young I’ve been the responsible adult in my family. I’ve been caught in the middle of their relationship my whole life, and some of my earliest memories were me as a 5 year old crying and begging my parents to stop arguing. At the time growing up, all I knew was something was wrong, and I tried to make everything better. I went through school and expressed gratitude for providing me clothes,food, and a roof over my head, and I backed it up by never doing anything considered “bad”. Never did drugs, went to parties, I don’t even drink. I did all of the things I was told and that was that, because I thought if I was the perfect son I could fix everything for my mom.
I went to college and took out $30k in loans not because we couldn’t afford it, but because my dad had control over the finances, and regularly spends thousands of dollars at a time on frivolous meals, “vacations”, cars, airplane parts, and more. For transparency, my mother is a delta flight attendant and has made solid money for the last 10-15 years, since she’s been a flight attendant for close to 30 years. However, money always seems to be tight since my mom and myself almost never buy things for ourselves. And even though she makes enough to assist her family back home, for nearly 20 years her family shunned her and verbally attacked her, because she would promise to assist them financially. Unfortunately, she was never able to help them due to all of the money going to a joint account controlled by my father, who refused that any money be sent to her family back in China. At the time, they were struggling to pay hospital expenses for my dying grandfather.
Since my mother is so soft-hearted, and I am as well, she always made excuses for my father that he truly cares about me, even though when I was young he was always too “busy making money for you ungrateful fucks and you keep interrupting important business”. Keep in mind these are things said to a child at various times throughout my life. Ironically, that “important business” has been his full time job of scamming my mother out of her livelihood to fuel spending on lavish things, and he has never held a job for more than 2-3 years (he always worked as a contractor). The last time he had a job lasting longer than 1-2 weeks was a 6 month assignment in Japan when I was 10 years old if my memory serves correctly. I’m 23 now.
As for my father’s background, he graduated from West Point, or the United States military academy in the 1970s. During that time he was conditioned to fight in Vietnam, but the war was over before he ended up going. However, the tactics of psychological warfare that he learned in the military remain and he has exercised those over myself and my mother our entire lives to strong arm his way into managing all of the financials so he can live his life to the fullest. He’s even jokingly stated out loud, as I’m in the car next to him that “I will never have a will, that’s for suckers. I’ll be damned if there’s any money left when I die.” All of the mindgames and gaslighting he’s done to me and my mom genuinely still has me concerned for my life at times. On multiple occasions, after pointing out the absurdity of his actions, he has literally burst out laughing, because “people never understand me, I’m too smart for them, etc etc, and I’m just punished for being different”. Literal Joker shit. You can’t make this stuff up if you tried. It’s insanity. He has always been extremely intelligent, and uses it for the most devious ways humanly possible. I can’t even express all the different instances of this happening over my life, because there’s too much to count and it isn’t even worth unpacking all of that.
Also, this is my father’s second marriage. His first wife was Vietnamese, they had 2 kids and she left him because he could never hold a job and their kids had to see them fight all the time. She found a new husband and none of them speak to him anymore. But growing up, I was always told the lie that the courts screwed him over and stopped him from being able to see his kids. He also never paid child support to my knowledge.
As a result, holidays obviously aren’t usually the happiest times for me, and my dad hates the holidays because “people start wanting things by a certain time and it gives me a headache”. So as you can probably imagine, we don’t do Christmas gifts and the like. That’s why this year when I informed them I was looking to buy a car and asked if they could possibly help me with $1500 to go towards my car, that’s when shit hit the fan. I asked my mother specifically if that would be possible, and not to worry about it if not. However, she got my father involved since he controls the finances, and he has since done nothing but accuse me of being ungrateful, disrespectful,etc. Now that I’m 23 and see through all of the bullshit he’s spun over the years, I know now his word means nothing. I asked him why his first wife left him and Why his kids don’t speak to him(I already knew the answer) but he STILL tried to convince me it was him that divorced HER
I’ve been fortunate enough 3-4 months ago to finally get a job I enjoy and my own place to live all. I sorted out all of these arrangements all on my own, through no help of theirs. Tonight on Christmas Eve when I was at home for the holiday because my mother begged me to come home and assured me it would go smoothly(which she does every year even though the cycle repeats itself), my father picked a fight with me about being disrespectful to him. I was tired and said I wasn’t in the mood to speak to him. This eventually led to a huge fight that ended with him stealing the car I share with my mom (that I use to get to work) and driving off with it as his final method of punishing me for trying to distance myself from him.
So, to make a long story short, I’ve held resentment against my dad for a number of years, because of all of the things he forced me to do as a child just because he could. This includes doing his taxes, renewing/cancelling life insurance policies, and even proofreading resumes and even drafting replies to job listings that he would never get, as he’s unhireable. He would always later frame it as “I’m not looking for a job anyways, I have a full time job managing our investments!”. I’ve even mediated their separation terms from my mother because obviously they’ve had a tumultuous marriage and I’m constantly having to pick up the pieces. This is just a small look into the suffering/trauma I’ve survived through, and I’ve been in intensive therapy since I was 18, and suffered various mental illnesses undiagnosed(depression,anxiety,adhd, the whole cocktail) since the age of 13-14 at the earliest. It’s a miracle I’m alive today and it’s all thanks to the amazing friends I’ve made who are my true family.
All of this being said, the reason I’m asking for $1500 is to be able to finally get my independence from my abusive father so I can try to live some semblance of a normal life. The only thing left he has over me is that I don’t have a car of my own, and that’s why he’s punished me by stealing the thing that gives me the ability to make a life for myself. If you’ve made it this far, I hope all of this made some sense and I’m sorry for the wall of text. Any contribution would be appreciated, thank you for reading and Happy holidays! ❤️
Organizer
Skyjet Balleu
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Marietta, GA