I need help desperately

I regret to confess this,

I've been struggling to make ends meet as a food delivery driver on an e-bike as I was let go from my long-standing job with Pacific Coastal Airlines in 2020 due to COVID. The company went through a plethora of cost savings measures and unfortunately my position was on that list. This self-employment income is meant to supplement the income I receive from my PWD (Person With Disabilities) cheque, which is only $1378.00/month. As of writing this, my basic necessity expenses are $2097.54/month. For the last few months, my preferred delivery service employer has been having issues on their end with their systems due to an increased volume of new drivers coming onto the service, I fear I may also be getting pushed to the bottom of the pile in regards to driver priority as I am on an e-bike and they are mostly driving cars. There are a few others I deliver for once in a while to try and make up for the shortcomings but I can't manage to put in a full day with them due to my e-bike's battery charge capacity. Because of that, the former works much better for me from an income perspective than the latter. However, by scouring and signing up for all the available delivery platforms and taking all the deliveries I can manage, I was able to make nearly $310 last week, but it is a drastic reduction from what I was making before this "system issue". Up until last week, the weather wasn't helping much either. The holidays were an absolute gong show. The snow, the torrential downpours, being a glasses wearer, etc etc. Working myself through all of this and that hard is also having drastic effects on my health as well. I've been struggling with Anemia for the last few years. Amenia makes me dizzy, I get headaches, I have stomach problems and often I feel like I'm going to pass out. When this all came to a head I went to the hospital to get checked and I was given a confirmation letter to go to my doctor for prescribed care (medication, blood work, etc etc) and I stopped smoking weed immediately. A lot of this is on me and I know that. I haven't taken care of myself properly, I haven't been eating right and I haven't been able to get/find another "normal" job which for someone with my disability is difficult to say the absolute least. I thought if I worked hard, everything else would fall in place and work out. Instead, everything is falling apart around me. I have been trying to find the right job for me and it's not easy. I'm struggling. I'm losing weight, I have blood in my stool and sometimes I don't know where my next meal will come from. I feel completely lost and the stress and anxiety resulting from it all are insurmountable. I've lost enough blood a few times to the point where I'm constantly fainting and can not continue with my daily activities let alone work. I have to go to sleep and rest which just puts me into a catch 22 situation. Because of COVID and subsequently losing my job I had to work a lot more which severely affected my PWD status as I am only allowed to make $15000/year before it affects my benefit. There is a fine line/sweet spot where a job could provide more than my benefit would + my supplemented self-employment income but because I cannot get back into that spot and therefore I'm having to work more to make ends meet, it has as I previously said affected my benefit which again, puts me in yet another catch 22 situation. I want to work. I want to overcome my challenges. But it's all getting to be too much. During all of this that I've just explained, I've accumulated $27,807.94 in debt since 2020. After expenses, I can't even cover the interest. Consolidation loans or not and even with lower interest rates, I just don't have the income to dig myself out of the hole let alone live month to month. I am literally drowning and I am begging anyone that will read this or listen for help. At first, I thought something like a GoFundMe would be a complete waste of time, who would want to help me? But people close to me have encouraged me and offered to help so here I am. This is the most transparent I have ever been and likely will ever be.

I'm sorry everyone. I've let so many of you down, I want to thank those who have been there for me all these years and to those who think negatively about me, perhaps this will shed some light as to why.

All I feel I can do now is continually apologize, I'm so sorry.

Kind regards,

Matt