A Trans Woman Needs Help
Donation protected
My name is J.R. and I am transgender.
Words that for over half my life I did not have the vocabulary or sense of self to say, not until June of 2017. Immediately I looked for and started going to a therapist because, for reasons that will become clear in a moment, I thought my life would be far better if someone would tell me that I wasn't. My therapy visits lasted until October of that year when I ran out of money. I do not have insurance and I was seeing a therapist in secret.
My household is not a... safe space. The best way I can explain it is my mother uses our emotions against us, so the safest thing to do is hide, deny, or otherwise ignore any feelings you may have or they will be turned against you. I and my sister have been mentally and emotionally abused our entire lives. Had my mother found out that I was even just going to therapy I, in all likelihood, would have been physically assaulted.
In no uncertain terms she is also a bigot.
Thus why it would be easier beyond measure if I was not transgender.
But I am and accepting myself has put me on the road to being the happiest I've ever been.
However,
In February of 2020, spending the intervening time between June 2017 and then exploring what my gender identity means and coming to terms with myself, I finally decided to see a doctor about HRT. Several visits and now 3 years later I am now joyously on Spironolactone (almost 100 days) and Estradiol (almost a week).
The Problem...
As stated, in no uncertain terms my mother is a bigot.
I still live at home.
I have, for 3 years, lived 2 lives. Away from home I can live as the woman I want to be but I have to be vigilant about hiding that from my parents. When I come out my parents will disown me. A fact my sister (the only family that knows and supports me) agrees with. There is also a significant chance that I get physically assaulted when I come out. Getting thrown out is an inevitability I have accepted but the consequences of that means I lose my business as well.
For 12 years I have owned and operated a board game store. Living at home with my parents has facilitated my ability to run my business. When I get kicked out I will be unable to sustain running my shop while I attempt to regain my footing.
This campaign is me admitting that I need help.
I didn't want to do this, I feel ashamed I need to do this
I've built myself a cage of dependency born of emotional abuse from my mother
and now I need help to break the cycle.
The money from this campaign will first and foremost go to making sure the lease on my business is paid. Breaking my lease will only cause more financial and emotional hardship.
Secondly, as mentioned, I do not have insurance so any funds that can help with my transgender care would be most appreciated. Vocal and Facial Feminization surgeries being the two major things I would like to someday achieve.
Primarily though I would like to be able to land on my feet after I confront my abuser and inform them I am Transgender and I am taking back my life.
Asking for help in this way is one of the most difficult things I've ever needed to do and from the bottom of my heart thank you for reading this. If you decide to help I will be eternally grateful.
It is a terrible thing to be forced to deny who you are.
Please help me break the cage.
with all the love in the world,
J.R.
Words that for over half my life I did not have the vocabulary or sense of self to say, not until June of 2017. Immediately I looked for and started going to a therapist because, for reasons that will become clear in a moment, I thought my life would be far better if someone would tell me that I wasn't. My therapy visits lasted until October of that year when I ran out of money. I do not have insurance and I was seeing a therapist in secret.
My household is not a... safe space. The best way I can explain it is my mother uses our emotions against us, so the safest thing to do is hide, deny, or otherwise ignore any feelings you may have or they will be turned against you. I and my sister have been mentally and emotionally abused our entire lives. Had my mother found out that I was even just going to therapy I, in all likelihood, would have been physically assaulted.
In no uncertain terms she is also a bigot.
Thus why it would be easier beyond measure if I was not transgender.
But I am and accepting myself has put me on the road to being the happiest I've ever been.
However,
In February of 2020, spending the intervening time between June 2017 and then exploring what my gender identity means and coming to terms with myself, I finally decided to see a doctor about HRT. Several visits and now 3 years later I am now joyously on Spironolactone (almost 100 days) and Estradiol (almost a week).
The Problem...
As stated, in no uncertain terms my mother is a bigot.
I still live at home.
I have, for 3 years, lived 2 lives. Away from home I can live as the woman I want to be but I have to be vigilant about hiding that from my parents. When I come out my parents will disown me. A fact my sister (the only family that knows and supports me) agrees with. There is also a significant chance that I get physically assaulted when I come out. Getting thrown out is an inevitability I have accepted but the consequences of that means I lose my business as well.
For 12 years I have owned and operated a board game store. Living at home with my parents has facilitated my ability to run my business. When I get kicked out I will be unable to sustain running my shop while I attempt to regain my footing.
This campaign is me admitting that I need help.
I didn't want to do this, I feel ashamed I need to do this
I've built myself a cage of dependency born of emotional abuse from my mother
and now I need help to break the cycle.
The money from this campaign will first and foremost go to making sure the lease on my business is paid. Breaking my lease will only cause more financial and emotional hardship.
Secondly, as mentioned, I do not have insurance so any funds that can help with my transgender care would be most appreciated. Vocal and Facial Feminization surgeries being the two major things I would like to someday achieve.
Primarily though I would like to be able to land on my feet after I confront my abuser and inform them I am Transgender and I am taking back my life.
Asking for help in this way is one of the most difficult things I've ever needed to do and from the bottom of my heart thank you for reading this. If you decide to help I will be eternally grateful.
It is a terrible thing to be forced to deny who you are.
Please help me break the cage.
with all the love in the world,
J.R.
Organizer
Jessica Rowan
Organizer
Kingston, NH