Hello, my name is Todd and this is my rock bottom.

I’m hoping to raise some money to put me on a path of sorting my life out. It has been a relentlessly tough year, been struggling to feed myself. There are more days I’m starving than not. I’m homeless and bouncing from one place to another sofa surfing. I want to get my life back on track but unable to without your financial help.

I selected this fundraiser to be located in the UK because I have an English bank and this platform is strict on which country you can fundraise from. I’ve lived in England for a very long time before brexit uprooted me.

I’ve lived in Northern Ireland for a little bit before leaving the UK. Racist riots messed me up and I had to flee in fear of violence. Have been directly affected, hid in the cupboard while the neighbouring attached house was burning. That messed me up even more than I already was. Left everything behind and moved to Lithuania for the summer. Have been a bit off grid, didn’t manage to sort anything out. Was meant to go to squat with a friend in another country in the EU, but that didn’t happen. Got stranded with no options but come back to London where I squatted before going to live to NI. Only barely managed to get back into the country. Stayed however long I could. Had to leave to somewhere, I ended up where I am now. In my age, having not great health and being mentally unwell I am terrified sleeping rough. I’m tired and desperately need some stability and a safe place to live. Will be looking for a job. 

I'm in a situation that is breaking my spirit. I am in Italy right now. In a fairly remote place with people I don’t know, language I don’t speak. I feel like I’m judged for my depression a little bit. Fear of people and fear of uncertainty and bleak future is not allowing me to leave the bed. I struggle to socialise and it’s supposed to be a social space here.

To make things worse, an older man here seems to have a deep dislike for me and is purposely creating loud noises, slams the door every time. As someone suffering from PTSD, every slam jolts through me, invoking a sense of dread and triggering full-blown panic attacks. I live in a state of constant anxiety.

I have a way out, but I need your help to get there.

Some of this money would be used for a ticket out of here. I’d go to Lithuania (I am originally Lithuanian, hoping it will be easier to get back on track there) where a friend can put me up for a couple of months and help me with trying to find a job.

Funds raised will be spent on my survival and my future:

• A ticket out of here to reach safety in Lithuania.

• Food and toiletries, it needs to last me for two months at least, I reckon. Don’t know when I’ll start getting paid. Haven’t worked for years so it’ll be difficult starting again, but I’m training my brain to be on it. 

• Will need a duvet when I arrive, I hear it’s already cold, my friend doesn’t have a spare one. 

• Public transport to look for work and getting to interviews. Eventually getting to work. 

• A new pair of shoes, my current ones are six years old and are almost falling apart.

• Underwear and socks.

• Clothes for work, if I need to.

• Magnesium pills, they’re helping if you have anxiety. Without them I can’t function at all. 

• Hair clippers, mine are seizing up, I keep oiling it but it makes a mess and does barely work. 

• Phone credit to stay connected and crucial for finding work.

• Phone charger isn’t working properly, will need another one.

• My phone is 5 years old and discharges in a couple of hours. I would love to buy another used phone, if I can, depending how much I manage to raise. I hesitated at first putting this here and would not want to spend your money on a phone, but to find work I’d need something that works and doesn’t die in a few hours. 

Please, help me to get back on track. Any contribution you can make, no matter how small, would help me immensely. If you are unable to donate, I completely understand, but please, could you share this fundraiser? By sharing, you are helping my story reach someone who might be able to help.

Thank you for reading and for your kindness.

With hope and gratitude, Todd B.