Donation protected
Dear Friends and Family,
I am so sorry to ask you for help at this terrible time: it is hitting us all physically, emotionally and financially. I would not be writing if I were not at the end of my rope. As most of you know, I have suffered from severe depression since I dropped out of college at Yale in 1983, (returning to graduate in 1987 against all medical advice.) I am stubborn, which has saved my life.
At that time there were no medications for depression (pre-SSRI's and everything else) and I white-knuckled suicidal ideation and anxiety for eleven years. I survived by seeing a therapist three times a week and leaning on people who mostly didn't believe or understand my disease.
My father died at that time, and I used the money from his will to pay for my life and therapy.
In 1993, SSRI's came on the market and Paxil saved my life. I moved to New York City, started acting and selling real estate, and got sober. For sixteen years I was mostly in remission, adding meds as I needed them, and doing very well. I still saw a therapist and did EMDR for life issues, and preventatively for my depression.
In 2009 I started Menopause and almost immediately became depressed like never before. As you lose estrogen a lot of female depressives get worse. My meds doctor was at a loss and we added and subtracted meds as I barely hung on. Finally, I took a low dose of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and was back to a temporary normal. As my depression broke through every three-four months, my drugs were increased and I went up to a higher dose of HRT.
I was okay until about 2016 when I went back to grad school to learn how to write. After I graduated, I was on so many meds I couldn't stay awake, so, again, I tried different meds: more than twenty. I was finally out of money, and had to sell my apartment in New York City so I could rent in California. This seemed like a great solution as then I would only need a part-time job to survive.
My depression continued to get worse, and, as many of you witnessed on my attempted Youtube channel (that I hope to get back to), I kept struggling for a solution. I shared about it in a play, in my writing, in my comedy---and still it got worse. I went through most of the money I made from my apartment and kept trying to work between episodes.
I am now at the point where I am maxed out on medications and still "falling off the cliff" into wanting to kill myself to stop the pain. My meds doctor told me this week, of all weeks, that there is nothing left for me but Ketamine or Electroshock Therapy, neither of which are covered by my insurance, as I am on Medicaid and have applied for disability to help in any way I can. I am still trying to work between episodes (every other day.) Esketamine nasal spray is partially covered by some insurances, but is not as effective, and now used as a booster for the I.V. treatment later.
Ketamine Infusion/I.V. Therapy has a higher success rate (83%) than Electro Shock Therapy, although I will do that too if the Ketamine doesn't work. I thought I was done with having to feel shame about my depression, but as it gets worse, there are increasingly new ways to feel shame: I have a master's degree and cannot support myself, I am on scholarship for everything I do, my mother is on a fixed income and helping me to replace three of my teeth, etc., etc. Depression has wiped out my money and self esteem.
So I am asking for help to pay for an initial Ketamine Infusion treatment. It is the new wonder treatment that won't be covered by insurance until Big Pharma runs out of their patent---charging as much as they can until then (article below.) I would like to start the process this week---hoping to head off any more recurrences. If it works you need to do several boosters a year, but if I am even 50% better, I can work and get myself back on track.
I understand that most of you have recently been hit very hard financially, and again I apologize for my timing. I want to reiterate that this fundraiser is not for anyone worried about their income or finances at this scary time. Please be safe and take care of yourself in every way.
The good news is that I am writing a book to help people with navigating severe depression, our deeply flawed healthcare system, and lobbying to get mostly expensive depression doctors to help by doing pro bono work for depressives. Anything that doesn't kill me can help someone else.
Thank you,
Alice
http://www.ketamineadvocacynetwork.org/big-pharma/
https://www.ketamineclinics.com/
https://medium.com/@alicebarden/why-i-am-always-looking-over-my-shoulder-for-mr-d-32dde9c4a098
I am so sorry to ask you for help at this terrible time: it is hitting us all physically, emotionally and financially. I would not be writing if I were not at the end of my rope. As most of you know, I have suffered from severe depression since I dropped out of college at Yale in 1983, (returning to graduate in 1987 against all medical advice.) I am stubborn, which has saved my life.
At that time there were no medications for depression (pre-SSRI's and everything else) and I white-knuckled suicidal ideation and anxiety for eleven years. I survived by seeing a therapist three times a week and leaning on people who mostly didn't believe or understand my disease.
My father died at that time, and I used the money from his will to pay for my life and therapy.
In 1993, SSRI's came on the market and Paxil saved my life. I moved to New York City, started acting and selling real estate, and got sober. For sixteen years I was mostly in remission, adding meds as I needed them, and doing very well. I still saw a therapist and did EMDR for life issues, and preventatively for my depression.
In 2009 I started Menopause and almost immediately became depressed like never before. As you lose estrogen a lot of female depressives get worse. My meds doctor was at a loss and we added and subtracted meds as I barely hung on. Finally, I took a low dose of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and was back to a temporary normal. As my depression broke through every three-four months, my drugs were increased and I went up to a higher dose of HRT.
I was okay until about 2016 when I went back to grad school to learn how to write. After I graduated, I was on so many meds I couldn't stay awake, so, again, I tried different meds: more than twenty. I was finally out of money, and had to sell my apartment in New York City so I could rent in California. This seemed like a great solution as then I would only need a part-time job to survive.
My depression continued to get worse, and, as many of you witnessed on my attempted Youtube channel (that I hope to get back to), I kept struggling for a solution. I shared about it in a play, in my writing, in my comedy---and still it got worse. I went through most of the money I made from my apartment and kept trying to work between episodes.
I am now at the point where I am maxed out on medications and still "falling off the cliff" into wanting to kill myself to stop the pain. My meds doctor told me this week, of all weeks, that there is nothing left for me but Ketamine or Electroshock Therapy, neither of which are covered by my insurance, as I am on Medicaid and have applied for disability to help in any way I can. I am still trying to work between episodes (every other day.) Esketamine nasal spray is partially covered by some insurances, but is not as effective, and now used as a booster for the I.V. treatment later.
Ketamine Infusion/I.V. Therapy has a higher success rate (83%) than Electro Shock Therapy, although I will do that too if the Ketamine doesn't work. I thought I was done with having to feel shame about my depression, but as it gets worse, there are increasingly new ways to feel shame: I have a master's degree and cannot support myself, I am on scholarship for everything I do, my mother is on a fixed income and helping me to replace three of my teeth, etc., etc. Depression has wiped out my money and self esteem.
So I am asking for help to pay for an initial Ketamine Infusion treatment. It is the new wonder treatment that won't be covered by insurance until Big Pharma runs out of their patent---charging as much as they can until then (article below.) I would like to start the process this week---hoping to head off any more recurrences. If it works you need to do several boosters a year, but if I am even 50% better, I can work and get myself back on track.
I understand that most of you have recently been hit very hard financially, and again I apologize for my timing. I want to reiterate that this fundraiser is not for anyone worried about their income or finances at this scary time. Please be safe and take care of yourself in every way.
The good news is that I am writing a book to help people with navigating severe depression, our deeply flawed healthcare system, and lobbying to get mostly expensive depression doctors to help by doing pro bono work for depressives. Anything that doesn't kill me can help someone else.
Thank you,
Alice
http://www.ketamineadvocacynetwork.org/big-pharma/
https://www.ketamineclinics.com/
https://medium.com/@alicebarden/why-i-am-always-looking-over-my-shoulder-for-mr-d-32dde9c4a098
Organizer and beneficiary
Alice Barden
Organizer
Los Angeles, CA
Lillian Barden
Beneficiary