A story of love, tragic news, & hope for my babies
Donation protected
#Jacklynsjourney:
MY STORY:
In October of 2020, I suffered a medical emergency on a Tuesday and soon learned that I would need to be in an operating room that Friday. Doctors had noticed a rather large mass on my cervix and wanted to rule out a few things, including cancer. I had been having horrible cycles for the past year that I had chalked up to perimenopause, endometriosis or maybe fibroids. From what I knew, cancer wasn't on either side of my family. So at this point, it wasn't even a consideration. Looking back now, I wish I had taken it more seriously. Because I lost precious time and soon my entire world would be turned completely upside down.
I am a mother of two young, wonderful, and loving children and they are the reason I am here.
My dear, sweet, Olivia. She is a beautiful in every way twelve year old. She is soft, fragile, gentle, and so loving. She loves art, animals and everything horses. To see her ride brings out her greatness. Courage, etiquette, and a strong confidence that I owe all to riding. And then comes Quincy. He is my five year old handsome, bold, vivacious, jokester, who is super loving and so smart. The kind of child who would give you the first bite, try, or piece of something before himself. Filled with endless amounts of smiles and love.
The three of us do everything
together❤
"I have lived my life to better my children. Hoping and wishing for all of their dreams to come true."
I finally received the news from the initial surgery. The biopsy came back as an aggressive form of cervical cancer. My entire world changed instantly.
Everything in my life began to move at a quick pace. So many different nurses, doctors, and even social workers were calling me. So many appointments that I was starting to get worried.
Doctors explained that they would need more images to see if my cancer had spread. A PET scan was ordered. The hospital assigned me "Peggy", a nurse navigator, to keep track of me and all of my appointments. Everyday it was something new, but I am a fighter, I can do this!
In my spare time, I did deep dives into literature on cancer diets, survival rates, alternative medicines, anything I could get my hands on to help fight the fight. Initially, doctors thought that a combination of radiation and chemotherapy would shrink my tumor and we would be able to fight this. I had hope! I was too young to die and I had to fight for my kids!
But again in an instant, everything changed. The result of my PET scan came back and I was told this aggressive cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and possibly to my stomach. I would need another surgery immediately for doctors to biopsy my stomach in several areas and at the same time a port would be placed under my skin to administer the chemotherapy drugs.
The day before my second surgery, I drove myself to Boston to get a second opinion. Because that is what you do, that is where I needed to find an expert with hope like I had. I met with an amazing oncologist from Mass General. She looked at my charts, drew a diagram, and then looked at me with large, piercing brown eyes. She stared directly at me and said "please call me Amy" and with that, I felt a huge rush of uneasiness flood over my entire body. She spoke soft, yet direct. "If cancer is found your stomach, you have months to live".
Driving from Boston back to Maine was agonizing. I cant begin to tell you all of the horrible things that came and went and came back again for two solid hours. I was so angry!! How could this be happening to me? It was on this drive that I got really scared for the first time. I was quite possibly dying.
To bare the thought of leaving my young children so early has been the hardest internal daily struggle that I can't put into words.
But I kept telling myself there was still hope. Maybe the laparoscopy will show no signs of cancer in my belly. So there I was, back in Maine, walking into my oncologist to get the results of my stomach biopsy. Peggy was there. She took notes for me, as I tried to interpret what was being said. She squeezed my hand tight. I could not have handled it without her and I am forever grateful she forced herself into that meeting. The doctor came in, sat down, and explained to me that cancer is all throughout my belly and that it is going to kill me. That I have stage 4 cervical cancer and it's now terminal. The cry I let out can only be explained as a mother's loss. Filled with grief, anguish and heartache. I cried out "but I have two small children!" "what about my children!?" How much time do I have?!" I was pleading with them in the most sorrowful way. "Are you absolutely certain?" That yes, my cancer had spread so far, that they will forgo radiation. I could start chemotherapy and that may prolong my life a little more, but eventually the chemo will stop working, the cancer will progress and I would soon die.
So instead of feeling bad for myself(which I have done for enough time). I am going to make these last months count! Instead of a dark, gray cloud following over me, I am going to make lasting, meaningful memories with everyone around me.
Ethan, my ex husband has been my biggest supporter. He has brought me to and from all of my chemo appointments and he checks in on me daily and I love him for that.
My children are seeing counselors. My aunt Donna and aunt Kim, check on me almost daily; my neighbors; the women at Olivia's barn; Michelle, that first nurse who was a stranger I now call my friend; Ben and his parents have gone above and beyond and have been such a positive force; to Don and Jeannie(my mom and dad) for loving and supporting me; and because I am too ill I had to stop working, so to everyone at my office who helped me, I am eternally grateful. Everyone has been so amazing and heaven sent.
And it is for all of these people, I don't feel alone.
To my best friend Rachel (from the fourth grade), and her parents: I know I have asked some really tough things of you, never wavering and remaining positive, you have been a constant for me. I could not have made it this far without you.
Thank you forever❤
And most important, I am going to create memories and love on my children as long as I can.
These Gofundme funds will be allocated to urgent medical costs and end of life expenses. If my goal is met any remaining funds will go directly into a trust set up for my children.
UPDATE 12/28/20:
My hair is gone and I made it past my second round of chemo this week. It is a very humbling experience. I honestly have the best team of doctors, nurses, and palliative care looking after me. I am so grateful for every extra day I am able to be with my children❤.
#Jacklynsjourney
Please know that I will continue to provide updates as long as I can.
Thank you from my heart for donating.
I am eternally grateful to all of you❤
Your support, love, and prayers mean the world to me and my babies. It keeps us going!
xo,
Jackie
#Jacklynsjourney
***Please please consider sharing my post *****
Thank you❤
MY STORY:
In October of 2020, I suffered a medical emergency on a Tuesday and soon learned that I would need to be in an operating room that Friday. Doctors had noticed a rather large mass on my cervix and wanted to rule out a few things, including cancer. I had been having horrible cycles for the past year that I had chalked up to perimenopause, endometriosis or maybe fibroids. From what I knew, cancer wasn't on either side of my family. So at this point, it wasn't even a consideration. Looking back now, I wish I had taken it more seriously. Because I lost precious time and soon my entire world would be turned completely upside down.
I am a mother of two young, wonderful, and loving children and they are the reason I am here.
My dear, sweet, Olivia. She is a beautiful in every way twelve year old. She is soft, fragile, gentle, and so loving. She loves art, animals and everything horses. To see her ride brings out her greatness. Courage, etiquette, and a strong confidence that I owe all to riding. And then comes Quincy. He is my five year old handsome, bold, vivacious, jokester, who is super loving and so smart. The kind of child who would give you the first bite, try, or piece of something before himself. Filled with endless amounts of smiles and love.
The three of us do everything
together❤
"I have lived my life to better my children. Hoping and wishing for all of their dreams to come true."
I finally received the news from the initial surgery. The biopsy came back as an aggressive form of cervical cancer. My entire world changed instantly.
Everything in my life began to move at a quick pace. So many different nurses, doctors, and even social workers were calling me. So many appointments that I was starting to get worried.
Doctors explained that they would need more images to see if my cancer had spread. A PET scan was ordered. The hospital assigned me "Peggy", a nurse navigator, to keep track of me and all of my appointments. Everyday it was something new, but I am a fighter, I can do this!
In my spare time, I did deep dives into literature on cancer diets, survival rates, alternative medicines, anything I could get my hands on to help fight the fight. Initially, doctors thought that a combination of radiation and chemotherapy would shrink my tumor and we would be able to fight this. I had hope! I was too young to die and I had to fight for my kids!
But again in an instant, everything changed. The result of my PET scan came back and I was told this aggressive cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and possibly to my stomach. I would need another surgery immediately for doctors to biopsy my stomach in several areas and at the same time a port would be placed under my skin to administer the chemotherapy drugs.
The day before my second surgery, I drove myself to Boston to get a second opinion. Because that is what you do, that is where I needed to find an expert with hope like I had. I met with an amazing oncologist from Mass General. She looked at my charts, drew a diagram, and then looked at me with large, piercing brown eyes. She stared directly at me and said "please call me Amy" and with that, I felt a huge rush of uneasiness flood over my entire body. She spoke soft, yet direct. "If cancer is found your stomach, you have months to live".
Driving from Boston back to Maine was agonizing. I cant begin to tell you all of the horrible things that came and went and came back again for two solid hours. I was so angry!! How could this be happening to me? It was on this drive that I got really scared for the first time. I was quite possibly dying.
To bare the thought of leaving my young children so early has been the hardest internal daily struggle that I can't put into words.
But I kept telling myself there was still hope. Maybe the laparoscopy will show no signs of cancer in my belly. So there I was, back in Maine, walking into my oncologist to get the results of my stomach biopsy. Peggy was there. She took notes for me, as I tried to interpret what was being said. She squeezed my hand tight. I could not have handled it without her and I am forever grateful she forced herself into that meeting. The doctor came in, sat down, and explained to me that cancer is all throughout my belly and that it is going to kill me. That I have stage 4 cervical cancer and it's now terminal. The cry I let out can only be explained as a mother's loss. Filled with grief, anguish and heartache. I cried out "but I have two small children!" "what about my children!?" How much time do I have?!" I was pleading with them in the most sorrowful way. "Are you absolutely certain?" That yes, my cancer had spread so far, that they will forgo radiation. I could start chemotherapy and that may prolong my life a little more, but eventually the chemo will stop working, the cancer will progress and I would soon die.
So instead of feeling bad for myself(which I have done for enough time). I am going to make these last months count! Instead of a dark, gray cloud following over me, I am going to make lasting, meaningful memories with everyone around me.
Ethan, my ex husband has been my biggest supporter. He has brought me to and from all of my chemo appointments and he checks in on me daily and I love him for that.
My children are seeing counselors. My aunt Donna and aunt Kim, check on me almost daily; my neighbors; the women at Olivia's barn; Michelle, that first nurse who was a stranger I now call my friend; Ben and his parents have gone above and beyond and have been such a positive force; to Don and Jeannie(my mom and dad) for loving and supporting me; and because I am too ill I had to stop working, so to everyone at my office who helped me, I am eternally grateful. Everyone has been so amazing and heaven sent.
And it is for all of these people, I don't feel alone.
To my best friend Rachel (from the fourth grade), and her parents: I know I have asked some really tough things of you, never wavering and remaining positive, you have been a constant for me. I could not have made it this far without you.
Thank you forever❤
And most important, I am going to create memories and love on my children as long as I can.
These Gofundme funds will be allocated to urgent medical costs and end of life expenses. If my goal is met any remaining funds will go directly into a trust set up for my children.
UPDATE 12/28/20:
My hair is gone and I made it past my second round of chemo this week. It is a very humbling experience. I honestly have the best team of doctors, nurses, and palliative care looking after me. I am so grateful for every extra day I am able to be with my children❤.
#Jacklynsjourney
Please know that I will continue to provide updates as long as I can.
Thank you from my heart for donating.
I am eternally grateful to all of you❤
Your support, love, and prayers mean the world to me and my babies. It keeps us going!xo,
Jackie
#Jacklynsjourney
***Please please consider sharing my post *****
Thank you❤
Organizer
Jacklyn Holt
Organizer
Lewiston, ME
