Help Alex Afford Life Changing Top Surgery

Hey! I'm Alex (they/them), and I'm a disabled, agender non-binary person attempting to fundraise for life-changing, gender-affirming top surgery.

To start with a little bit about me, I'm a disabled cold water swimmer, para climber and qualified para archery instructor. I'm also autistic, and my special interest is the NBC sitcom Superstore.

I have suffered from intense chest dysphoria for as long as I can remember. The disconnect between my physical body and gender identity, combined with the additional complications of being autistic and disabled, is a constant source of distress. My chest dysphoria is crippling and impacts my mental health, my self-esteem, and every aspect of my daily life.

Top surgery is vital for me to align my body with my identity, however, it will be well over ten years before I am offered top surgery on the NHS.

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Binding is absolutely essential for me to manage my chest dysphoria but unfortunately is not a safe or viable solution. As a disabled person with EDS, binders cause me severe pain and cause my ribs to dislocate, as well as restrict my already limited range of motion for propelling my wheelchair. EDS also makes my skin stretchy and fragile, which makes binding with tape extremely difficult as it causes my skin to tear, blister and scar.

I am also autistic and extremely sensitive to sensory stimuli. The pain, discomfort and sensory hell of binding negates any relief of having a flatter chest, as I am constantly hyper-aware of my chest, which triggers overwhelming sensory overload.

It is a vicious, inescapable cycle of dysphoria, pain and frequent sensory meltdowns.

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Attempting to self-fund top surgery as a disabled person feels especially impossible. I am self-employed which allows me to work flexibly from home, but as well as the additional daily living costs that already come with being disabled, it’s not a reliable wage.

To further help fund my surgery, I am also going to be opening a new LGBT+ shop which will eventually donate profits to help other disabled and queer people fund their own gender-affirming care.

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I have dreamt of having a flat chest ever since I can remember. When I was in primary school, I remember learning about breast reductions, and I immediately knew I wanted that one day. But I pushed those thoughts deep down and resigned myself to a lifetime of believing it was out of reach for someone like me.

All I want is to feel at home in my own body. I am currently 24 years old, but I will be almost 40 by the time I can access top surgery on the NHS.

I don’t want to waste my life on a waiting list. I want to be free.

I dream constantly of waking up from surgery and looking down to see the body I was meant to have.

I dream of relief from pain, freedom from the sensory hell, and of never spending another night battling impulsive thoughts or crying myself to sleep over my chest.

I dream of loving who I see in the mirror, and of no longer hiding under oversized hoodies.

I want to feel the sun on my flat chest for the first time.

Please help me make that dream a reality