a new dawn is coming soon!

So I edited my post since this started...

My name is Mallory. I am the happiest & most depressed person you might ever meet, and I am also certainly an addict.

For 12 years, I have drank *virtually* every single day (do days in jail count as sober days?)

My drinking started getting rather ugly around the time I lost my father to lung cancer. I was about to graduate with my BFA in painting. He passed before I graduated, but I ended up graduating with honors and continuing on to get my MS in Art Education. I have made major achievements while wildly under the influence, but I have way bigger things to do in this lifetime and I am very eager to learn how to do things differently.

I am tired of being tired. I am fucking exhausted.

My addictions and mental health have cost me many things (jobs, freedom, money, autonomy....) but most recently a job I really, truly, loved. I've battled depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have been given every medication under the sun but I assure you my favorite was self-prescribed, albeit the most evil. They don't call liquor "spirits" arbitrarily.

I am finally ready to give up my best friend and worst enemy, and asking for help.

I have been accepted to get help at The Divided Sky Residential Recovery Program. It is not a medical facility, so I will pay out of pocket. I am a blessed individual, no doubt, but I have very little to offer financially. My skill sets aren't the most financially sustainable in the world/country we live in. I am hoping to pay in full so that others can use the scholarship money they are able to offer. The Phish community never ceases to amaze me with their generosity. Without them, this place would not exist. Without them, I would not be on my way to a better life.

From their site:

"Addiction is a widespread issue that adversely affects people across the country. At The Divided Sky Residential Recovery Program, we have created a program for people who want recovery. Our non-clinical model is designed to motivate and inspire without judgment. We recognize that addiction is a disease and not an absence of willpower.

We teach our guests to make positive changes and work toward the best versions of themselves. Being in recovery means being proactive in one’s life. Guests learn the importance of setting boundaries, being honest with themselves and others, and designing a healthy and stable life free from mood-altering substances."

https://www.dividedskyfoundation.com/

Phish has been the biggest part of my life since the moment I saw them live in 2010. Trey Anastasio has been one of the biggest advocates for recovery in the entire music world, and is my biggest inspiration. Phish fans spent the past few years contributing to the Divided Sky Foundation, building a place giving people like me hope for recovery. To know I was able to contribute anything to this place when it was in its most beginning stages in 2020, and never once thought I'd be going, is humbling and wild.

Now, this post has been edited since I started this fundraiser, but I have received more support than I ever imagined. I do not know what happens after this, as I am new to this "one day at a time" concept. I have finalized my plans and enter into treatment Tuesday, 3/12/24.

Every single person that has helped me so far has fueled something I refuse to give up on. Thank you all for the continued support. I got myself into this position, and I am trying to get myself out. But I am human, I have fucked up, I have hurt a lot of people, but I like to think I have also helped many. I want to be better so I can help people beyond what I am capable of beyond the chains of drinking.

This is the scariest thing I've ever done, and I've never been more excited. If you or anyone you know can spare any change, I promise I will spend the rest of my life paying it forward in every way I possibly can. Can't wait to keep sharing in the groove as a way better version of myself. See you on the other side. I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. I am walking blindly with faith and hope from here on out.

Thank you from the bottom of my healing heart.

Humbly, lovingly and gratefully yours-

Mal

See you guys in April!