A Lifetime Struggle with Depression: My Journey

A Lifetime Struggle with Depression: My Journey and Hope for a Better Future

Hello, I’m Eric. I’m 59 and have spent most of my life battling severe depression and ADHD. Diagnosed in my mid-20s with Unipolar Depression and ADHD, my condition has since evolved into Treatment-Resistant Major Depression Disorder with suicide ideation, Bipolar 2 Disorder , and more recently, PTSD following a recent traumatic event. My family’s history of Bipolar Disorder has only added to my challenges.

Initially, Prozac provided some relief, but its effectiveness diminished, leading me to try outpatient ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) at Duke Hospital. Although ECT didn’t cure my depression, it helped me function again. Over the next two decades, I tried numerous antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers:, and underwent multiple rounds of ECT, all of which kept me from actively wishing for death, but didn’t eliminate my depression.

Despite these struggles, I managed to start, build, and sell three businesses. However, after selling my third business, the 2008 financial crash left me homeless, living in an abandoned house. This led to yet another 30-day hospital stay and a third round of ECT. With the help of social workers, I secured housing and food but struggled to find work. I enrolled in a technical school, learned a trade, and eventually found employment, later starting a new business. Unfortunately, my depression flared again, forcing me to leave my business and isolate myself for a year, pretty much draining my savings.

Treatments I’ve Tried:

Antidepressants: Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Luvox, Celexa, Lexapro, Viibryd, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Effexor

Mood Stabilizers: Lamictal, Depakote

Antipsychotics: Latuda, Abilify, Zyprexa

ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy)

Microdosing mushrooms

Extreme exercising

Suicide Ideation: Suicidal thoughts have been a distressing part of my reality. I’ve attempted suicide twice and actively planned it twice. Most recently, when insurance issues left me without medication for nine months, I ingested a large amount of bupropion and ended up hospitalized. While tragic, it led to renewed medication support.

A Glimmer of Hope: Three and a half years ago, while facing yey another year of isolation and dwindling resources, I was at a crossroads: give up or try again. A promise to a close friend inspired me to seek new treatments. I discovered Spravato (esketamine), a newly FDA-approved treatment. To receive it, I have to go to an approved provider’s office, stay for a two-hour observation period, and I can’t drive until the next day, so I rely on Uber. Fortunately, I lived just five minutes from my provider. Spravato is a novel new treatment for depression which is amazing. It quickly helped me improve and return to work, withing TWO weeks, which is unheard of in depression treatment. However, about 2.5 years later my treating doctor left to take a research only position elsewhere. My new doctor was horrible. He came in and at the first session wanted to make wholesale changes in my medications, which were WORKINNG. I pushed back rather vehemently, which he didn't like. I was "fired" as a patient. I then faced new, very challenging hurdles, including a nine-month waitlist for another provider and expensive transportation costs, as the nearest provider is now over 30 minutes away, one-way.

The New Challenge: I’ve found hope in Vagus Nerve Stimulation (VNS), a surgical procedure that would provide permanent relief from my depression. It is a device implanted in my chest with leads running to the vagus nerve, which electrically stimulates it and relieves depression. Although VNS is expensive ($30,000), a Medicare-funded clinical trial (one-year and the device stays implanted at study end) offers it at no cost. I qualify for the trial, which would eventually end my dependence on Spravato and improve my quality of life tremendously. However, the nearest trial location is 300 miles roundtrip away in Roanoke, VA. During a recent trip, my car broke down, causing stress and a 10-day hospitalization. Additionally, my tool trailer, containing 35 years’ worth of tools ($25,000) and $1,500 in car parts, was stolen, leaving me devastated. I’m now out of money, unable to work due to my depression, and feeling hopeless and helpless.

My Appeal: I need $1,500 to cover:

Car repairs: $1,500

This support would provide a crucial lifeline, allowing me to participate in the VNS trial and allowing me to return to work. Your generosity could be the beacon of hope I need to break free from this relentless cycle of depression.

Thank you for reading my story and considering helping me in this critical time.