Hi my name is Richard,

Im 53 single white English male and this is my story.

Firstly i cannot express just how bad i feel making this plea for help,i feel like i've come to the end of my coping this is a last resort.

I guess even if nothing comes of it i may feel better for just telling my story as i've never spoken to anyone about my life and all it's bad luck,i'll try and just tell you the key parts of how i got here.

I think i'm a pretty strong person,my morals are very much in tact but life just keeps on kicking me relentlessly and never minor things they are always HUGE and in waves with no remorse,you may feel the same.

So i left home at 16 my dad was physically and mentally abusive (not sexually i should point out) and i worked every day from then until now and grew up fast,i never spoke to my father again until one day my mum who i loved/loved more than anything took me to see him as a vegetable having frontal lobe dementia ,he couldn't speak, my mum sat me down in front of him and left the room,this may sound harsh reading but i just said to him "it looks like karma actually came" ,he was abusive to my mum too but she still cared for him until the end. He died in 1998 i think it was,long ago anyway.

Then around 2006 i was in a relationship,we had a son and he died at 8.5 weeks old due to a heart issue totally unexpected, we had gone to the hospital as he wasn't eating only to lose him there, he died literally in my arms,our relationship broke down very quickly after no one helped even my partners parents were too busy,she became abusive which i dont blame her for and subsequently i moved out,my mum asked me if i wanted to move in with her for a while,and as dad wasn't there i said yes,i didn't pay rent but i did pay all the bills so that my mum effectively lived free,i never took a single penny from mum,she used to get annoyed that i wouldn't even take money for shopping she asked me to get,she would leave money on the side that would just sit there until she eventually took it back.

Then not long after moving in i was stabbed through the arm in an attack at a local village pub,completely random, i didn't know the guy at all,i put my left arm up in defence and the knife went straight through my bicep and tricep, i collapsed from loss of blood. Then for years after this went on in court and to cut a long story short the guy just walked free despite witnesses and being picked out of a line up long after ,he grew a beard and his hair to change his appearance, they never found the weapon, the entire process was a sham on the police side,when asked why they didn't collect his clothes for analysis they said "he probably washed them"!! . I heard later on that the guy was actually a police informant and although i could never prove that the way the police dealt with it was SO bad it seemed very likely to be true,the process took alot out of me it was a really stressful time, i was told i would never ride a motorcycle again (i love motorbikes) but they did an incredible job putting me back together and today i can use that arm and hand i just cant move my fingers properly but it could have been worse.

Shortly after this my mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer,and this is when the care for my mum began,i would take her to all of her appointments including chemo and the bloods usually 2 days before.

My mum was a fighter but she did put on a front ,i know she was scared underneath and i would do what i could to protect and help her as any good son would that gets on with their mum.

Then a couple of years later i went to a pub (i absolutely do not go to pubs any more) ,they were having a cider day ,i didn't get there until late 9pm and everyone there was extremely drunk,ill try and make this short too, i was attacked by 2 guys in the toilet,unprovoked, i reached for a towel to dry my hands and one guy pushed in front of me and punched me,i defended myself and they ended up worse off,the police were called and I was arrested not them and not only that i faced 5 years in prison for GBH because they fabricated a story between them and completely framed me,this was a HUGE worry,im not a criminal and im not violent, i am 6ft4 and people like me will tell you that small drunk people like to start on people like me in pubs when drunk,its little man syndrome. It was looking very bad for me and the worst feeling as i was completely innocent. Then some time after while i was paying large amounts of money for legal help i heard from the manager of that pub that his friend (one of the 2 guys in the toilet) told him that he lied and made up a story because i broke his glasses allegedly and he wanted to "teach me a lesson",this was nearly 2 years into this,he had let me go through all of this stress and anxiety because of a lie,and what was worse was that my mum suffered too, she was immensely worried for me,she knew the truth too and knew i wasn't lying to her about what really happened,i used to tell mum everything good or bad, i was totally transparent with her.

So obviously i needed t work on this admission and ultimately that is how i managed to walk away,but it went all the way to a court hearing where the judge threw it out of court.

I didn't even break this guys glasses,he was so drunk he probably sat on them.

My brother died around this time,it was unexpected,he came home from a mountain bike ride,had a shower and collapsed,my sister called me and i drove there as fast as i could but he had died when i got there,i loved him so much ,he was a PROPER brother,if he was here now he would not allow the way my other siblings have treated me. I haven't got onto my sibling yet but i will,its a key part to all of this but this brother and me were very very close,we had each others back no matter what,he was 3 years older than me,then my sister is about 8 years older and my oldest brother 10 years older, i do not speak to them at all you will see why but you can probably guess already,they never helped mum or me at any stage of this at all.

So then the big one and i genuinely believe it was bought on by the amount of stress in my life leading to now, i got a cancer diagnosis,but not just any cancer it was stage 4 bladder. I found out very quickly going for a pee was like pouring a bottle of red wine down the toilet, my doctors who i haven't seen since for this line said "it's probably nothing",to which i said i can assure you this definitely is NOT nothing.

I was told by the hospital i would have to have my bladder removed,i didn't want to do this but in the end i accepted it, i went to Guys hospital which i thought was to talk about the removal of my bladder,when i got there the consultant asked me what i was doing there ,i said "ive come to have my bladder removed" he just looked at me and said said no that wont be happening this is terminal , you have 6 months, " a year if you are lucky" were his exact words.

I remember it vividly,it was just like in the movies,everything when blurring and echoey , there is a scene in Breaking bad where Walter White gets his news and the same happens, he just focuses on some egg on the consultants tie,it was exactly like that and i remained in that state for weeks,every day you wake up like its a dream but quickly reality hits home,its not a dream, its like having a ltter from death row with your name on, you are sure there must be a mistake, this must be addressed to the wrong person but its not.

The worst part about it and something i regret was telling my mum,she let out a noise i had never heard before and will never forget on the phone to my niece trying to talk about it she was absolutely devastated and i felt so guilty just for putting her through more worry.

Time went on and both our health got far worse,my treatment wasnt working and as a final effort to do the right thing if i was going to pass away i started a clinical trial at Harley street and of course there was a hope it may do something but i didn't feel very confident,these trial have no guarantees. I had t travel all the way to London from Kent twice a week for a year while doing this The side effects were hideous,part of it was like a science fiction movie its the only way i can explain it, exactly 1 week after treatment every week as soon as a drop of water touched my skin it was like someone pouring thousands of crawling mites into my skin and made me itch like crazy to the point i called an ambulance shouting in agony ,i cant think of anything like it to make anyone understand what it was like,absolutely horrendous. they would freeze my eyes with ice packs during the treatment to stop the blood going to my eyes or i would have gone blind,my eyesight did deteriorate as a result of this trial.

Mum got alot worse,she had lost all her hair now and was having seizures often and was in a terrible way,we went to the hospital one day and she was told she had a few months to live,ill never forget her soft spoken word to the consultant she said "is there any other chemotherapys,id like to go on a little longer" ,the consultant just said no im sorry. That memory breaks my heart,and to make matters worse they had no where for us to go and sit,they got a chair and put it in a narrow corridor ,i said can we not sit in a room somewhere please? they said we dont have a room and instead sat us in a storage cupboard it was utterly degrading at such a tragic time,i mean surely you would expect a room for this exact scenario? (i would)

Its very important to point out my older brother and sister (not the one i lost) did nothing to help us,they never offered to help us,they were off bettering their lives and as far as they were concerned because i lived at the house "rent free" it was my job,explaining what my sister was like would take many many more pages but in short the only way i would explain her is professional con artist,she is obsessed with money and doesnt care how she gets it,all she is interested in is peoples Will and how she can get more,more,more.

She had a child that was born disabled due to the ambilicle cord being around her neck at birth,this is tragic of course but my sister was rubbing her hands together,she sued the NHS for over a million possibly more but the money was in a trust so she couldn't get it directly,she would have my cousins husband (a builder) do work and put in super high prices ,pay him well but pocket alot for her self and it was that point when i found out we REALLY fell out i haven't spoken to her since and i will never speak to her again. (i have to continue as there is more i need to say that is important), my sister was not there for my mum when mum got her terminal diagnosis ,instead she was more interested in a Nigerian toy boy who had just come to the UK on a student visa,it was quite obvious his intentions as they were to get married within a few months,he was a good 15-20 years younger than her and my sister is no oil painting,she actively ignored my mum at this time,my mum said she felt like she didn't know her anymore and subsequently took her out of her Will.

Then after time and my mum nearing the end my sister reappeared and brainwashed my mum,she made her doubt me which only demonstrates just how vulnerable mum was at the time because she knew if anyone could be trusted it was me,anyway shortened down in secret she persuaded my mum to put her back in the will,i only found this out after mum died and there was a note on mums solicitor files that said "please dont send letters about this to my address as Richard (me) opens my letters" and it was THIS statement that made me sure she was brainwashed,conned,manipulated by my sister,ive never once opened mums letters,as i said at the start id never even taken a penny from mum ,im not money driven at all. (i have proof in a text message to my niece that my mum did say this,and also a statement from my uncle (mums brother)

before mum died she verbally asked the siblings to leave me alone and she told me this but i said to her "mum ,you dont know your own children,they wont" she was sure they would but she was very wrong and this is the reason i am here now in desperate help.

Towards the end my mum put herself in a care home,she thought she was giving me a break but it made things much harder as i travelled there every day,the worst thing of all and a guilt i live with is they put my mum on the Liverpool pathway,if you dont know what this is they basically starve the patient to death with no food or water,i was going in giving my mum food and drink which she was eating but i would go the next day and the nurses had taken it away,i told them she is eating why do you keep taking it away, they said well she may be eating because it you!

Mum died after about 6 weeks!of being starved,i was holding her hand and i see her last heart beat in the vein in her neck,the siblilngs were not there.

My oldest brother drove from Basingstoke to Kent to get the death certificate to get the ball rolling as fast as possible,he didn't even collect mums things, he left them there for me to collect,i had no reason to ever go back but had to for her things.

I had to have my 15 year old cocker spaniel put to sleep this same week (i did say my luck is not normal bad luck,its extreme) and that destroyed me,i may add a picture,he was the best boy (Jimmy) ,hes the golden cocker, Oli is the dark cocker that lives with me now,i will not be separated from him he is the only reason i am carrying on at this point, i have no one left other than my 93 year old uncle in a care home with dementia,my best friend of 35 years died last month to add to the stress for the upcoming court date where i will be representing myself as i have no more funds for legal backing, i am completely out of my depth with this but i have no choice.

So they did not leave me alone after mum died as she asked it was the opposite and bearing in mind i was still undergoing treatment with the expectation to pass away they began proceedings to get me out of my house which lead to me spending my life savings on legal fees,`so far`, in total i have spent 40k and owe a further 15-20k to my solicitor which i can no longer afford to represent me.

On Tuesday 24th March i will be in court for a hearing to have me removed from the property,as i have been writing this an email has come through with a further 10k from mums solicitor (the trustees) which i have to pay them (i will attach that if i can).

What am i asking for here?

I feel like ive been pushed to my limit with the amount i can handle, this is all the icing on a very bad cake,i cannot afford all of these outstanding legal fees,the best thing i could ask for and i know it very unlikely to happen unless there is a person out there with excess money and a heart of gold is to buy the other siblings out and stay where i am,even if there was someone who could loan it until im on my feet i would be eternally grateful.

Im lost ,im really lost the worry is becoming too much for me,i cant make sense of life, i would give the shirt off my own back to help someone out and i often do but i just seem to be dealt with the worst cards over and over.

I want to stay where i am,all i asked my siblings for was more time and i could by them out before that time was up i would,they had all of those years bettering their lives and building up their own wealth while i cared for mum without so much as a thank you for it.

I am very much struggling mentally and physically,i have tried to get on the housing register but they said they cannot accept my application as im not homeless despite me sending them the court date where it is inevitable unless i can somehow buy out the siblings before i get evicted,and unless someone reading this is very generous .

Im even open to suggestions if anyone wants to reach out, and also if anyone is facing similar problems im here to have a chat if you want to just talk to someone,it actually takes my mind off myself if im helping others,its why having a dog helps me so much,any other dog owners will understand the importance of dogs, Oli is my family.

God bless you.