A Dog Bit Me in the Balls—Help Us Both Recover

While knocking doors for solar on Oahu, I approached a home and was unexpectedly attacked by a dog that escaped through the doorway. Because I was standing lower on the stairs, the dog selected the worst conceivable target. It bit me directly in the plums. I eventually persuaded it to release me by putting my hand in its mouth—an unusual negotiating technique, but an effective one. The homeowner immediately helped and was genuinely kind about the whole ordeal. Later, I discovered that the bite had left two small punctures in my scrotum, some bleeding, and a temporarily swollen and tender testicle. Fortunately, everything appears to be healing, and no important machinery seems to have fallen out.

I don’t intend to sue the homeowner or seek revenge upon the dog. My friend Todd offered a more constructive proposal: $250 for my pain and suffering. $250 for snacks to help the dog reconsider its life choices. That sounded fair. This is partly a real fundraiser and partly an attempt to extract something cheerful from an extremely unfortunate encounter. Any money designated for the dog will actually be spent on treats or otherwise used for the dog’s benefit.

Thank you for supporting peaceful reconciliation between man and beast.