“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.” –Ziad K. Abdelnour

I come from a long line of people who are strong enough to stand alone, but who are somewhat allergic when it comes to asking for help. I’m the designated “get it done” person in my small family and the urgency of what we’re facing with my mother Siegrid's health crisis is beyond my capacity on several levels. Navigating the ups and downs—and ins and outs—of her health situation, caring for my learning-disabled brother, while continuing to fulfill obligations as a coach and consultant, is exhausting my energy and our resources. So, I’m asking for help.

Our lives changed forever when my 85-year-old mom fell and broke her hip on the morning of March 2nd. The emergency care at the hospital was stellar. It took a couple of days for her vitals to be stable enough for surgery. As my mom was about to go into surgery, the doctor on call emphasized the importance of her needing to walk as soon as possible after the surgery.

The surgery went well but, once again, her vitals needed stabilizing, which took another couple of days. Other than a physical therapy consultation while she was in ICU, my mom didn’t receive additional physical therapy until day 13 of her 14-day stay. Laying in bed for so long led to complications, including fluid in her lungs and inverted pronation of her left foot. She was discharged from the hospital and transferred to a nursing home for rehabilitation where she currently remains for at least the next few weeks.

With the care that my brother requires, it became clear that I’d need to move back home and that we’d have to prepare the apartment to receive my mother who will, as of now, need 24-hour assistance. The scramble begins. I’ve created this campaign not only to help pay for medical expenses not covered by insurance but also to take care of several things that need to happen simultaneously and soon.

Preparing the apartment to receive my Mom includes: renovating for accessibility, purchasing a bed that will make it easy for her caregiver to service her, hiring a company to clear furniture and possessions, smoke/nicotine abatement (I am allergic), and painting once that’s done.

While this has easily been the most challenging time of our lives, it has also been healing on so many levels. My relationship with mom has deepened as we’ve both allowed our vulnerable sides to show. We’re having real conversations openly and honestly as my mother passes the gauntlet of my brother’s care to me. She has stopped smoking and is willing to wear the patch to preserve my health status. We’re both surrendering to what is and so there’s more room for real connection without judgment. As a result of our choices and the current circumstances we’re facing, the traumas of the past do not have the same hold on us as they once did. When the rubber hits the road so much nonsense drops away.

I left home early; never feeling like I fit into my family of extroverts. But I am a true believer that life brings us exactly what we need when we need it. There has been SO MUCH back-to-back loss in the last few years. It has taught us the value of time and attention to what truly matters. Stripping away the unnecessary (e.g., judgment and conflict)—and embracing forgiveness, kindness, compassion, possibility, and love without condition—has been invaluable. It has taught me that being able to ask for help—and graciously receive it—is an act of Love for self and others.

One thing I am sure of is that while your challenges may be different from ours, we are all being moved to our next level of power and purpose in this pandemic age. We are all part of a great unfolding happening on the planet right now. Our stories may consist of different details, but the goal is the same: to be, do, and speak Love. Love is the energy that runs this whole show. Sometimes we have to actively seek it and sometimes we have to let it find us.

Thank you, in advance, for your love and care.

Peace and Blessings,

Martha.

“There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground; there are a thousand ways to go home again.” –Rumi