These words are the hardest I’ve written in my life.
As some of you may know, David and I had been expecting our second little boy who was due to be here in October. We have had some complications in this pregnancy which had me in the high risk category. at 18 weeks I was diagnosed with ABS. ABS is a rare, high risk condition known as Amniotic Band Syndrome. ABS is thought to be caused by the early rupture of the amnion during pregnancy (the outer sack that is outside the sack that holds that baby.). The rupture results in amniotic bands (like rubber bands) that insert themselves in or on the baby. Zion was very lucky as he was only missing two finger tips and one toe from this condition. He had also developed club foot. Despite these small challenges, our baby Zion was a fighter and he fought to over come every obstacle placed before him. We had a lot of tests and scans to watch his growth and everything else about him was growing and developing right on track. These physical challenges were so small in comparison to the amount of LOVE we have for him. He moved, rolled and kicked every single day since 15 weeks. He made sure he let us know that he was fighting every day. Every test they had him take he passed with flying colors. He was a warrior and he was perfect.
On Saturday evening I had realized that I had not felt our little warrior moving that day. So late Saturday night/Sunday morning I headed to the UCSD hospital in La Jolla, with an uneasy feeling. I’ll never forget the way my stomach was in knots, my heart in my throat. When I got there, they tried hooking me up to the monitors to check on baby Zion and that’s when they told me his heart was no longer beating. I called David right away and we both realized this was going to be the hardest thing we could ever deal with. Our hearts broke when Zion’s stopped.
Zion Michio Keitaro Butler was delivered 9-16-18 at 11:53am via csection. He was 3lbs 5.3oz and 15.75 inches long. He was beautiful and perfect. As they placed him on my chest I was overcome with the most horrible grief. I would never hear our baby cry. I would never see him learn to crawl or laugh, or grow. This to me is what has been the hardest to accept. I was then in the hospital for 4 days and the doctors and nurses at UCSD did all they could for me and David while we were there. We know that we could not have gotten through that time if it were not for the support of them. So we definitely want to thank them for all they did for us. As well as our family taking care of our other son Savant during this difficult time. We also want to thank Tamberly, a local photographer friend and colleague who came to the hospital in our time of need to capture the memories of our short time with Zion.
The name we chose for Zion means so much to us. Zion means Utopia which is where we know he is at. Michio means Strength which he had so much of. Keitaro means Blessed, which he was blessed in so many ways. He was a blessing to us. Though we lost our little warrior, we know we will be with him again some day. God had chosen to take him home before we ever met him face to face, but we know that he was born into peace. He will never know pain, or sorrow or suffering and we are trying to take comfort in that. Please, if you could do something for us, I know you all didn't know him, some of you don't know me; but please remember him and keep him alive in memory. You may not have known him, but here are some things about Zion. He loved bean and cheese burritos and listening to Bonobo, City and Colour, Bright Eyes, On occasion some Drake . He loved his Dad and his Big Brothers Voices and when they touch my belly. He would fall alseep when we took walks to the grocery store and he would be flipping around and stretching like crazy first thing in the morning. Our baby Zion was beautiful and perfect and we love him unconditionally.
When I went into the hospital, I expected to go home with our baby Zion. However when I left, my arms were aching and empty. We are now faced with the responsibility of saying goodbye and laying our warrior to rest. These are things we never would have thought we would have to deal with. Instead of choosing onesies and mittens, we have to choose a mortuary and an urn for our baby Zion. We have decided to utilize Go Fund Me because of these and other unexpected costs we are facing. Anything contributed is much appreciated and will help us as a family tremendously.
Our precious baby Zion is loved. He will always be loved forever. If you can contribute we want you to know we are appreciative of your gift to our family in this way. If you are not able to contribute, please lift us up in your prayers for strength and comfort during this difficult time.
With love and many thanks,
David, Jewell, Savant, and Zion.
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