Urgent Lifesaving Surgical Revision Fund

❤️‍❤️‍❤️‍ Hey everyone, I’m urgently raising funds for a life saving surgical revision and your donations/ help/ shares/ any form of support would truly mean the world to me and drastically improve my life ❤️‍❤️‍❤️‍

For around the past year and a half, I’ve been experiencing a really difficult medical complication which has left me in excruciating daily pain and discomfort, (due to scar tissue or nerve damage or possibly an irritated vein, my surgeon is still unsure), resulting from a previous surgical procedure I had in 2020. I’ve had multiple consultations and have gotten 2nd and 3rd opinions from providers, and at this time the consensus amongst all doctors has unanimously been that a revision surgery needs to be performed as soon as possible.

I desperately need this revision to alleviate the nearly constant physical and mental distress I’ve been in, but a huge barrier to receiving this vital care has been funding and medical bureaucracy in the US healthcare system. Luckily after months of researching, contacting doctors, and planning, as well as a great deal of spiraling and enduring deeply dark moments, I’ve found two amazing surgeons and finally am in order to get this procedure, I’m just awaiting insurance approval and to be given an exact date for this operation by my surgical coordinator.

There’s a possibility insurance will cover a portion of the cost, ideally all of it, but due to the nature of insurance agencies, it’s impossible to say how much would be covered at this time. I very well may end up having to pay thousands and thousands of dollars out of pocket in the case they will not cover the cost. And until my insurance network gets back to my surgeon, there’s no telling how much additional time I could end up waiting. The correspondences between the doctors and insurance companies can take weeks to months, further prolonging my time until surgery. I’m at a really really low breaking point and desperately need an end to this situation in order to continue with living life normally, not majorly depressed and hurting. I’m really tough and resilient woman and I’ve been through a lot crazy things in my life but that strength isn’t enough for this, I simply cannot bear to be in this much pain for any longer.

I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I say this has been a nightmare, like literal body horror. I prefer to be a bit private about specific details pertaining to the complication because its an emotionally heavy and difficult subject for me to open up about, but I will say, the pain is persistent and can only be described as a horrible combination of pulling, soreness, tightness, and tingling which varies in intensity but never goes away (sometimes more sharp pain can arise as well). Along side the physical symptoms, the mental strain accompanying the persistent, intense, chronic pain has been really damaging. It has been a really strange and silent struggle and a very confusing frustrating journey trying to seek relief. My surgery is set to be booked sometime in the next couple of months, hopefully as early as March but could end but being pushed back several months to (God forbid) another year, insurance dependent. it’s extremely urgent that I secure the necessary funds, I just don’t want to be experiencing this intensity of pain for another day, let alone another year, it’s just so deeply exhausting on many levels and so anxiety inducing.

I’ve spiraled several times about this and it’s caused a lot of deep deep depressive episodes, periods of isolation, hopelessness and intense dysphoria, and even attempts at my own life. I have a long history of challenges with mental health and this situation, especially the feeling of being trapped in a constant stream of pain has greatly worsened a lot of my depression symptoms. I’ve become really detached from those around me and spend the majority of my time just trying to cope, soothe the pain, dissociate, and live my life as normally as I possibly can despite this challenging time.

I make my income primarily through my main job working in social media managing for a company in the adult film industry and through musical and audio gigs. These lines of work pay but not nearly enough to raise this amount of money entirely on my own, especially within the given timeframe. I have other side hustles as well, but between all my living expenses, it feels impossible to make this amount of money without asking for assistance.

I also have tried therapeutic massage and physical therapy as well as medication, but doctors have now informed me that surgery is necessary and needs be preformed ASAP and is pretty much my only option to avoid my condition worsening and additional illness/ future issues ! I’m ready to live life being comfortable with my body and not be constantly occupied thinking and stressing about my nerve pain.

Pain is a portal and a teacher ! Despite this situation being literal hell, I feel like I’ve still done my best to find some light in the darkness. That being said, I’ve been pushed well past my limits for what I can handle emotionally/ physically / spiritually, and feel extremely burnt out and ready for all the newfound peace this operation will bring me, I’m just so tired of suffering and not feeling comfortable and connected to my body and not being able to be fully in the present moment, and also having deep episodes of depression and suicidality.

Many blessings for everyone reading this, both to those who may not know me personally and to my close friends and community. I'm so grateful for all of you, truly.

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