Support Brit After Her Unexpected Loss of Dan

If you know Brit, you love her. She is always supportive, always generous, always trying to make the world a better place. You may also know that just a few weeks ago, Brit lost her spouse, Dan Sapp. Through this heartbreak, she is also dealing with difficulties with her finances as she waits for her leave claims to be paid. She has not worked since September 15th and the bureaucratic mess to get this leave approved is really adding so much stress. Let's help her out. She doesn't need to be dealing with how she will pay her rent as she tries to come to grips emotionally with this tremendous loss.

 

 

 

In Brit's words:

 

If somehow anyone missed it, my other half of my soul, Dan Sapp, left this world on September 19th at 11:45pm.

 

I haven’t worked since September 15th, and it’s completely up in the air and unknown when I’ll return. Though Dan did end up passing away at the hospital where I work, I have more reasons than not to return to my position there when I’m ready. He was so proud of me when I was offered the job I have and so excited about the work I get to do. I will continue to carry him with me as I work upon return.

 

I’ve held off on doing anything with gofundme stuff this long as our community has blessed us with their generosity and this has been crucial in covering rent and bills. I’ve had to stay on top of working with my supervisor, my therapist and psych med provider, and my work’s disability claim agency - where it’s been admittedly bureaucratic and providers have agreed they’ve had to play “disability hot potato” with me and my paperwork.  When I called the disability claims provider on 10/28, they did say I’ll be getting a direct deposit at some point the week of 11/1 - but there was no mention for how much that is going to be, especially considering short term disability is paid 60% of one’s salary.

I’ve tried doing UberEats, and have gone out on runs once - but largely most days it doesn’t happen because I know I’m not safe to drive with where my mental health is on those days, being more prone to dissociation, or snapping (angry and/or sobbing). When I got my car serviced last month, I was told that I need to replace all brake pads and one rotor, and I’ll be calling the dealership with the info on what needs to be worked on to get a quote. My copays for therapy and psychiatry are $30/visit, and my credit card is linked to bill for this. I want to pay down my credit card further so I have more of the emergency funds if needed, but also don’t risk an interruption in therapy or psychiatry due to copays adding up way too fucking quickly when therapy is currently weekly, and my psych med management appointments went from every 3 months to monthly. I’ve lost psych med access in the past due to financial difficulties, so it is a fairly real anxiety I now maintain. I was also hoping to keep adding to my savings account so just in case there’s any ongoing financial concerns in November, I can combine savings with what’s currently being stashed in the Venmo account to ensure December rent is also able to be paid.

 I also don’t have any clue of when I will return to work, as that’s actually out of my control right now - it will be something I need to determine with my therapist as they will need to then fill out a workability form in order for my job to allow me to work again. My therapist hasn’t really even gotten to know me it feels as our sessions have some portion dedicated to the FMLA paperwork bureaucracy because mental health takes more work to “prove” because invisible injuries and illnesses aren’t given the weight they deserve; and it’s pretty fucked up to have thoughts like “this would probably be easier if I had just gotten shot or stabbed.”

In regards to the things that aren’t the bare necessities, some of the things I’ve been wanting to do in ways to memorialize Dan:
-Get a ring band with his ashes incorporated made
-Get small metal pendants with his fingerprint engraved for family members to send with his ashes
- When it is more COVID-safe, have a memorial show with Dan's favorite bands so his loved ones can hang out and have fun.

I also don’t know how to ask for money on my own, hence why others have done it for me. I have zero opposition to asking for or accepting help in so many other ways. I also do care about being transparent, which is why I’ve gone into more detail on how I’ve been utilizing the donations folks have already been selfless enough to send me through Venmo, and also upcoming costs for needs and wants. My direct Venmo link is @brit-culp if that’s preferred. Being a widow - especially a young widow is bullshit and I hate it. 0/10 - do not recommend.

Finally, if anyone has made it this far: I’m not a huge advice giver. I’m not even going to tell people to go get legally married, because that’s not everyone’s jam and a lot of us are non-traditional humans in non-traditional relationships BUT despite your ages, if you want your person/partner being the one to help honor your wishes medically and in any tragic events of passing away, get your advanced directives made up, notarized, and filed in all the legal places they need to exist. Thankfully, Dan sometimes brought up semi-morbid things in conversations, and at times referenced certain songs aligning with these - so I at least had some semblance of a guide for having to make the call to put him on DNR status, compassionate care visiting, and end of life extubation; knowing him I knew that organ/tissue donation was what he would want so he could give and help others, knowing he didn’t want a funeral, etc. I was lucky as much of this was able to be honored as it was without having any paperwork on file to do so. That’s not the case for everyone though - and we can’t predict tomorrow, so we can at least have the plans in place for if the worst thing in the world does happen, there’s at least directions available to cut down on how much extra thinking there needs to be. The business side of death sucks, especially when all you wanna do is grieve. Extra bureaucracy robs us of that. Nobody in young widow club that I know would wish any of this nor the added bureaucracy anxiety on anyone..

I have immense gratitude for those who have been so giving already, because without that generosity, I wouldn’t be surviving this aspect of this tragedy. I’d trade back everything to have Dan back, or at least a time machine - but since those are both impossible, having a supportive community helping alleviate a little stress has helped more than I can say.

Thank you so much.