Help Veteran Get His Service Dog

Sorry for being so long-winded, but I've never shared this stuff before and I think it all needed to be said. 

Hello,

As I write this, I'm laying in bed with my 4yo asleep in my arms.  I have fought with myself long and hard about whether or not I should post this as not many people know about it.  

Not too many years ago, I was a regular guy.  I had just got married, I had started college, and I had a job.  In 2009, my Army unit was activated and we deployed to Iraq for a year.  Upon returning home, I started back into college and flight school at the University of Cincinnati.  Life was good!  That November, on Thanksgiving day no less, my wife and I found out we were going to have a baby.  I was ecstatic!  Anyone that knows me can tell you that I love kids!  Children are the best thing in this life.  I know this from first hand experience.  

You see, before my Army days and before my wife Ashley and I were together, I was married to a great person.  My first wife, Daisy.  When Daisy and I were together, we were blessed with a little miracle that we named Bradly.  My son was the most amazing gift that I had ever received in this life!  Had I only known how much pain and sorrow laid ahead for us.

Bradly had been born early.  We knew there could be complications but had no idea how bad things would get.  This is where I skip ahead a few months because even in typing, every word brings back so much pain for me and I'm too much of a coward to face those memories again.

At 4 1/2 months old, my beloved son had suffered more than any man alive.  With each diaper change, his little bones would fracture.  On October 21st, I made the decision to end my sons life.  

They say that killing a man in war changes you.  I say unplugging the machine that helped my son breath and looking into his beautiful eyes as I held him for 26 minutes as his heart slowed and finally stopped, is the most torturous soul destroying thing I know.

Not long after my son's death, Daisy and I split up.  I spent the next several years alone with nothing but nightmares to keep me company.  I still don't know what's worse, the day I ended my sons life or the thousands of dreams I've had where he is alive and well only to wake up and realize that it wasn't real.

Fast-forward to finding out Ashley is pregnant.  It was an amazing feeling, but there was something inside me that brought on fear.  The further along my wife got into the pregnancy, the more nervous I was getting until finally, I found myself in the ER with a heart rate in excess of 200 bpm.  It turns out, I had developed a heart condition and the anxiety I was experiencing due to the pregnancy was complicating it.  It was also the first time I was put on blood pressure medicine.  Within a few months, it was decided that I could no longer fly and my 1st class flight medical was stripped from me.  My depression and anxiety only got worse.  Mixed in with the nightmares of Bradly's death and life sucked.

Thankfully, my wife gave birth to our little girl, Lillian Nicole.  I was so happy, at first.   It wasn't long until the fear set in.  Is she sleeping or did she stop breathing?  I have to check!  Ok, back to sleep.  Now I'm dreaming of my son Bradly, but something is taking him from me!  I wake up in a panic and start ripping the blankets from the bed, there's my baby!  But wait, it's Lilly.  OMG, is she breathing?  I have to wake her up to make sure she's alive!!!

This is how my nights would go, over and over.  In turn, my heart was getting worse.  I started seeing a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression, severe anxiety, and PTSD.  Even on the medications, I became extremely isolated.  Due to my mental health issues and my heart problems, I was deemed disabled and could no longer work.  It got to the point where I would leave my house only for Dr. visits.  Even then, I cancelled so many of them because I couldn't face the world.  Over time, and with more medications, I started to venture out.  Things were getting better.  

The day before Thanksgiving,  Ashley and I found out we were expecting another little miracle, only this time, it was a boy.  All of a sudden, my medications were less effective, my fear of my children dying was high, and the nightmares were more intense than ever.  Thankfully, in July of 2015,  our son Xavier was born.

 I am so happy to have my family, even with the fear and nightmares.  I am currently on 9 medications a day and I see counselor sand a psychiatrist on a regular basis.  I still suffer from depression, severe anxiety, and PTSD.  On occasion, I even call Xavier by Bradlys name and my world is shattered again.

Now, to get to the reason I'm posting this.  I have discussed this with my counsellors and Doctors and they believe that I would benefit from a service dog.  This dog would be tasked to bring me out of my PTSD episodes, to act as a barrier between myself and others in public, and to alert/stop episodes of self-harm.  

Service dogs can be very expensive, ($20k-$40k), due to the training and testing requirements.  The waiting period can also be very long due to high demand.   Fortunately, I am currently waiting for a pup from a litter that will be ready to go in May.  I also have a certified SD Trainer that will train the pup while it is in my care for 18-24 months.  I don't have a problem paying for most of this out of pocket.  Unfortunately though, the overall cost is quite taxing.  With a family to raise and SSDI as my only income,  I am needing help to cover some of the cost of buying and training a service dog.

if everything goes according to plan,  I have to fly to Kansas in May to pick up the puppy and start its training.
if you can help in any way, my family and I would be greatly appreciative of your support.  

At the very least, thank you for hearing my story.

      Sincerely,
Jeremy Nesbitt