Road to Ryker ... McKown Adoption

After the adoption of our daughter, we began to feel led back to China to bring home our next child.... Jay wanted to go back, Traci, not so much, in fact I said for many many months that we weren't going back at all.. Adamantly against it. God had begun working on me through Jay and his heart. Jay has been wanting to go back and I didn't. Around January when I started to come "back to normal", I began praying that God would show me what it was He wanted. I didn't want to keep pushing something away of it was His will. During that time I prayed at that point that God would undoubtedly show me who our child was if we were to adopt again, but continuing to express how I wasn't ready. In March I went to a retreat and I had some good time just God and I and was finally able to lay out a lot of my fears and freak outs..... I wanted Him to take all of my fears so they didn't interfere with my faith. Gotcha day came around at the end of April and I had started to feel small tugs that God was telling me that if we adopted again it would be a boy.... But all this time I never said anything to Jay, or to anyone for that matter. I began to have my own conversations with God about these plans and I truly needed Him to show me, that this was of Him. I was not going out of my way to look to do this.... I'm ashamed to say it.. But, I needed Him to prove Himself to me, and what He was telling me. We spent the day with our other families from China that day and everyone talked about how everyone had plans to go back except me.... We were in the pool and my friend Katie asked me if we would adopt another girl and I told her we weren't adopting again but if we did, I felt God tugging on my heart for a boy. So Jay overheard me telling Katie that and I thought for sure (because he is ocd and would want another girl) Jay would say no way to a boy, and therefore I would be able to tell God no..... Well, Jay looked me so sweetly in the face and said "a boy, huh!?? Yeah, that could be really cool!" (Answer one) A few weeks went by and I was watching the boys play with their sister one night and got this feeling in my heart that she was supposed to be the baby.... That we wouldn't adopt another child younger... Which I KNEW Jay wouldn't go for... We've talked about it before, that we didn't think we would want to adopt an older child after watching that sweet family that was in China with us and the girl they were adopting refused to be adopted. So I looked at Jay that night and said "ya know, if we did adopt again, I can't imagine Our girl being a big sister, I really feel she is supposed to be the baby"... Now, I knew I was gonna be able to tell God no, and then this response from Jay "really!?! I mean, yeah, we could totally do that!!!.." What!?! I was shocked but didn't say a thing more. (Answer two) Ive always stated that I couldn't just "say yes" to a child if I didn't fall in love with him/her, just who I am.... And so I said (to God) that I would have to fall head over heels in love with the child He intended for us.... The way I did with Our daughter.. Which there was NO WAY that was going to happen!!!! And yet, it did!! A friend was spent March-May at NH again and we spoke everyday. We would talk about all the kiddos and everyone else there.... We happened to be talking about some of the kiddos and she mentioned this little boy who was soo funny (just in conversation, no other reasons intended).... I didn't know who this child was, so I logged onto the website and saw his face and immediately began tearing up, and my heart was beating out of my chest. (Answer three)... I began talking to her somemore about this precious boy and the more I spoke to her about him the more I fell in love with him. He was not with Our agency. So I knew there was no way he was supposed to be my son, but my feelings were so overwhelming... I called our agency and asked one of the waiting child reps what to do. She told me I needed to call the agency he is with and find out if they would transfer his file, but to know that there is no way they would do it. So I called with the idea that they wouldn't transfer and I would know he wasn't mine. I called and spoke to the lady in charge of China program there... I asked her how long they had his file for and if they would transfer it.... We spoke for a bit and I told her a bit about our family and how we got to this phone call I was on. Near the end of the call she told me that they had his file until the end of June but, after speaking with me she knew I was his mama and they never do this, but they will transfer his file June 15!!!! Oh my word was all I could say!! So Jay and I talked somemore since now it was looking like reality. We talked about the big picture. Emotionally, financially and all of the others that would go along with it.... There's such a sense of peace about it. About two weeks later I called the other agency back just to check in and left a message " I am calling to ask a very important question. Would y'all consider transferring his file earlier than you told me... I don't want to be ungrateful or selfish, but the more I sit and wait and think, I can't help but think about how horrible it would be if someone became interested in him and he was no longer mine.... He's our boy. I understand if you can't and I will continue to wait until the 15." She called back and said that after her and her partner in the program prayed about it, they are letting the Holy Spirit lead and they would transfer at the end of May!!!! They said they could hear my heart knowing he was our son!! (Answer four).... His file was transferred June 1 and we got PA (our approval from China to adopt him) June 13.....Anyhow, so sorry for this long long story.... But.... That's the story!! I am so so thankful for God showing me grace through me being so demanding with having to have Him show me.... We are super excited! Thank you so much for your support, love and prayers..... ❤️