Because the dead don’t eat bagels, and caskets are a total rip-off.

Hi, I’m Naomi, and I have Stage 4 breast cancer—a bad roommate that eats all my energy, steals my savings, and currently has me sitting on a sofa that feels like it was stuffed with Mississippi gravel. But here’s the thing: I’ve been fighting since 2001, and after a long stretch of living, cancer came back for a rematch in my lungs in November 2024. This time, I’m facing the reality of dying, but I refuse to go quietly (or boringly).

The 'Funeral Industrial Complex' expects me to find thousands for a mahogany box I’ll never see, a plot of dirt I’ll never walk on, and some wilted lilies that smell like a Victorian hospital. I am officially staging a heist. I’m taking that 'Death Budget' and laundering it into LIFE. I’m producing the REAL FUN PARTY (yes, it’s an anagram for funeral) at a legendary location in Batesville, MS. Why? Because I’d rather have a bass guitar line than a burial, and I’d rather have a Starbucks in my hand than a prayer card in yours.

The party will have a blues band, a psychic medium, a eulogy roast open mic, and maybe even some surprise celebrity messages. I’m sending out Ouija board invitations and giving out miniature boards that say, 'Keep in touch with me.' Because, just because I’m taking my final bow doesn’t mean I’m done talking!

I can’t afford to do this alone, so I’m asking for your help. Let’s make this send-off unforgettable—and maybe even go viral. If you’ve ever wanted to crash a funeral while the guest of honor is still alive, now’s your chance.

If you’ve already donated, you’re an Executive Producer. If you’re waiting for the right moment—this is the moment. Let's get Garry Burnside his guitar strings and me that velvet throne.

Donate, PLEASE PLEASE share, and let’s make some noise!

To be clear - I am not asking for charity—I am asking for Production Support. I am the Director of my own finale, and I am using every dollar raised to build a legendary weekend and a comfortable spot to recline:

The Sanctuary (The Couch): First and foremost, I need a decent, plush sofa so I can actually rest in comfort between 'acts.'

The Saturday Night Premiere: Funding a professional comic and the world-premiere of the one-woman play I wrote/directed.

The Sunday Soul: Bringing in a Medium to tell everyone’s fortunes, a full Bagel Bar Brunch, and a grand-finale open mic Roast.

The Soundtrack: The legendary Garry Burnside is officially LOCKED in to bring the raw Hill Country Blues to my Real Fun Party.

The Legacy: A film crew to capture the whole weekend so I can haunt the internet forever.

Don't buy me flowers later. Buy me a bass player—and a couch—now. If you’ve ever sat through a boring funeral and thought, 'There has to be a better way,' I am that way.

No Pity Eyes. Just Real Fun.