Help Angelina (mid-sixties) off the streets and into a van!
Donation protected
Technically, I became homeless on 29 October 2024.
On 25 May 2025, I pooped in my pants like a toddler. Not because I don’t know how to use a toilet - heck, see my CV - but because I don’t have access to one - courtesy the mayor of Amsterdam, you could say, as she feels that the street-homeless do not need more support - and was waiting for the local library to open at 1pm. I am literally sleeping amongst the nettles, but in sight of other people’s apartments. I do sometimes pee among the nettles. I have to.
My toilet is sitting in my storage unit in a small town north of Amsterdam, along with many other items intended for life on wheels.
DEADLINE: 1 August 2025. So that I can cook and eat the Maggi masala noodles that I found on 28 May! They expire in August... :)
Jokes aside, my life on wheels was supposed to have started in December 2024. Instead I’ve now been not just homeless but street-homeless for far too long. I have no more income other than these donations, a few occasional euros from my fx cfd trading (200 euro of the donations invested in that; details at the bottom of this page) and the occasional few cents and euros from Amazon and Udemy as well as some LIRA royalties. I have no more savings. I am not entitled to any kind of support.
(I also would like to file my income tax return as soon as I can and take care of any NIC payments, btw, but I still have time. The British tax year runs from 6 April to 5 April. I had to file my previous income tax return with HMRC, and did. I don't know yet where I'm a resident for tax purposes for the following year; it's tied to a specific number of days spent somewhere. I may currently even officially be an illegal alien in the Netherlands, as the Netherlands works very differently from the UK.)
I’m currently in Amsterdam. I am Dutch and was born and raised here, but have been abroad for two decades. In fact, I am still a legal resident of the United Kingdom. I have settled status (indefinite leave to remain). This status will remain valid for about another three years from now. I was briefly also registered in the Netherlands, but that is no longer the case (as of the end of January 2025). The Dutch system is very rigid and pretty gridlocked.
As soon as it became clear that I was not entitled to support here, which was on 24 December 2024, I set up this fundraiser, which I launched on 29 December 2024. It did not reach its goal, but it did help keep me in tourist hostels when it was far too cold to live on the streets. However, the flow of donations slowed down after a while. I’ve been on the streets for months now, where I am unable to shower, wash my hair or use a toilet. I often have trouble getting myself fed properly now. I can’t cook any pasta and can’t fix a quick salad so my food is not cheap. Besides, the prices in the Netherlands are currently higher than in Germany, Belgium and even the UK.
I’m like a tortoise on my back.
Helpless, powerless, worrying about rain and where I can pee and poop and not much else because that is what street-homelessness is like. Physically, it’s extremely exhausting too.
Please put me back on my feet now.
I’ve been struggling with my arms and legs flailing in the air long enough now. I can walk. I don’t need to be taught how to walk. I can sprint. I just need to be put back on my feet again - and that takes money. Money is all it takes.
My situation is not like having terminal incurable cancer. This situation is fixable. In spite of that, I've gotten quite a bit of discouragement since I started this fundraiser. It's people's own deep-seated feelings of vulnerability that often come to light when confronted with something like this. I've seen it before.
Should I just give up, roll over and die? Resign myself to living under the metro tracks? Heck, no. No way. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, but I need people to keep stepping up and I need more people to step up. I need them to keep the momentum going and lift me out of this powerless limbo asap now. I can't do this on my own. Share this fundraiser. Talk about it with others. Put me back on my feet. I’ll hit the ground running.
Below I will explain what happened that led to this situation. I don't want to confuse people with my strange and highly muddled story and make them wonder, but neither do I want to be accused of having misled people later. My story is not straightforward.
I am not for example up to my neck in credit card debt and I am not a cocaine addict or alcoholic. I have no schizophrenia. I am not psychotic or even chaotic. I am highly educated and quite capable, so no, I am not learning-disabled. I'm not autistic either. I am often utterly exhausted, certainly physically. I am often pretty stressed out, too. This lifestyle - if you can call it that - is pretty taxing. However, I have been through a heck of a lot of stuff. I am strong.
I NEED A VEHICLE TO LIVE IN AS A HOME BASE.
That is what this campaign has always been about. Its goal therefore remains EUR 5000 so every once in a while, I have to add 5000 euros to the total amount of the donations at that point.
I've been following the van life movement for over a decade, so I know how to do this and I know that I will LOVE it. As part of my homelessness in the Netherlands, I've spent two nights in a tiny car club car that's completely unsuitable for this purpose yet it showed me that yes, I will really enjoy this and be able to thrive again.
If you have any questions, ask me!
- GoFundMe lets you send messages.
- You can also for example go to my website at angelinasouren dot com to contact me. One of the people who donated to this fundraiser also paid this year's website costs.
Below I will explain what happened, as mentioned. First I’ll share what I need.
What I need, very urgently now
- A vehicle to live in, such as a pre-2008 Opel Agila/Vauxhall Agila or bigger. Minimum cost: EUR 2000.
A CityPlus gym membership for at least 6 months so that I can shower and stay clean. CityPlus membership means that I can use any SportsCiTy facility; it only is 2 bucks or so per month more expensive than restricting myself to one specific facility. If I pay on a per month basis (Flex), it's ten bucks more expensive per month. I would love to be able to sign up for one year, which would be about 400 euro. They have different options and those options change from time to time. https://www.sportcity.nl/lidmaatschap
- Food and other necessities such as tissues, laundry detergent and transport costs. That amount fluctuates between 300 and 1000 euro per month. 300 euro per month is the minimum that I should be spending on food to keep myself healthy. Keep in mind that I put in a lot of physical activity, can't prepare meals and need to rely on what supermarkets and places where I can sit and charge my phone and plug in my laptop offer.
Laundry costs. EUR 9 for whites and EUR 12 for dark clothes as the latter require one more round of drying. EUR 21 per month.
N-acetyl cysteine (NAC). I've run out. It thins my mucus and helps keep inflammation down. The latter is very important if you are living in a stressful situation. Costs about EUR 30. In the winter I use more, but it should last me for nearly 3 months right now. Is clinically proven and also used in clinical settings. See PubMed for papers on NAC. https://www.hollandandbarrett.nl/shop/product/holland-barrett-nac-n-acetyl-l-cysteine-600mg-90-capsules-6100001810
Nescafé gold coffee sticks espresso, 100% Arabica, 25 sticks in a box. I mix them with cold water. It works well enough and is cheaper than buying espressos, which I often have to anyway. I need this to fuel me and keep me going.
Ibuprofen tablets. I'm often in pain.
Storage unit fees until I have the vehicle: EUR 67.10 per month
Car insurance for three months once I have the vehicle: EUR 100 (depends on vehicle)
Road tax for three months once I have the vehicle: EUR 100 (?) (depends on vehicle)
Fuel for three months once I have the vehicle: EUR 300 (?) (depends on vehicle)
Incidentals such as replacements for broken suitcases and anything I may have forgotten.
I also need 1000 euros' worth of dental work for a crown on a broken-off molar; I hopefully will be able to avoid needing a root canal treatment. In August 2024, a good dentist did an intake and gave me a budget for my treatment. The situation was less bad than I had feared. Below, I have added a screenshot of the dentist's specification because I don’t want you to wonder if I am making it up even though I am not asking you to pay for this treatment. I prefer to pay for this myself, later. Well, sooner rather than later.
Illustrative highlights
Here are a few other recent highlights that will show you why this is important, besides the pooping accident. I deserve a heck of a lot better.
- 3 April 2025: I haven't been able to shower or change clothes in over 3 weeks and I am starting to get really smelly as nights have often been around freezing with daylight temps much higher. In several layers of clothing, dragging my luggage around with me, I often sweat like a pig. I'm dirty. My soft bag is quite dirty too now.
- I had a shower on 22 April 2025, which was the Tuesday after Easter, did laundry and changed clothes.
- I changed clothes again on 22 May 2025.
- I sleep among the nettles and have purchased a 2 x 3 m tarp in an effort to shield myself from rain. Someone took it. I purchased two more tarps later. So, cleanliness and food are becoming increasingly important.
This screenshot from a video below shows you one of my old sleeping spots. I found the cardboard in a near-by street (discarded boxes, folded); I took it with me and have used it in two other sleeping spots as well. I would put my feet inside the Action box to protect them from wind (and I'd close off the bottom of the box); my shoes are fabric (stops my feet from sweating extensively).
This - below - is how I move around Amsterdam. It is extremely exhausting. I always have to drag all this stuff along with me. Sometimes, I briefly pop out of a library with my stuff still inside to go buy some food. My storage unit is still located in the tiny municipality north of Amsterdam so I can't make use of it to ease my burden. I've needed to replace the bright turquoise-blue suitcase and in view of the excessive wear on its wheels, will soon have to replace its replacement as well.
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The problem is not homelessness.
Homelessness is a consequence.
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This photo below, that was me, at a rehearsal in Bristol. That is a long way away from Portsmouth where I had just moved to, but because of what had started happening in my life, I wanted to stay away as far as possible from anything to do with woodwinds locally. I got effed with at that rehearsal, too, though. Someone stuck a turquoise thread onto the pad of my A, so almost all my notes sounded off and the conductor could hear that, but I only could after I returned home that evening. I had tried playing against a surface at the venue so that I could hear myself but some jerk who probably knew about the thread interfered. We HAD all been checked for being in tune, btw; each of us.
What happened
- 2004: I moved from Amsterdam to England. I was self-employed, had become self-employed in Amsterdam and would be continuing PhD research at the University of Southampton. I let go of that at the end of 2005 when I was 45, having discovered that I was learning a lot from and had grown in my business too and was enjoying it much more. I moved to Portsmouth at the start of 2009.
- June 2008: Became target of so-called sadistic stalking aka resentful stalking while living and working in England. Those are forensic psychology terms. My life was turned upside down. Ha ha. Understatement. It was started by someone with whom I had an appointment - about repairs and maintenance - and his hacker brother. They have an extensive network, which includes 4chan. I filed the first related report with the police in October 2008. Sadistic stalking can go on for decades. It is complicated - and really messed up. If you want to know a little more, browse some of my books, notably "Is cruelty cool?": Available as Kindle version and hardcover book. You can also look into the work of forensic psychologist Lorraine Sheridan or read up on what happened to Tracey Morgan who became stalked within miles of where I was living in England. She lost her job at the Navy and her unsupportive jerk of a husband, moved back in with her parents in another county but her stalker followed her. He tried to kill his next victim. My stalking started around the time when this stalker - in prison for life - could have gotten early release. There were elements in my stalking that resembled Tracey's stalking, so I checked, but no, he is still in prison. YEP, it's complicated.
- I desperately wanted my life back. I made five failed escape attempts, four in 2017 and in 2018, one in 2023. It still has not stopped, in spite of me having left the town where I was living. It’s included a heck of a lot of hacking and at least 13 years of lock-picking at, at least, two addresses. I only found out with absolute certainty about 5 years after it began.
- The Netherlands and certainly Amsterdam has a huge housing shortage and a rigid housing allocation system in which I had built up over 17 years of “waiting list credits”. There is also this nutty Dutch address thing that jams people between a rock and a hard place. I was mostly staying with a former VU colleague at the time, but his trophy wife and her family were living there too. I was so eager to move on and get my life back on its feet that I made a HUGE MISTAKE. That mistake is all mine. I should have waited one more month and moved into a regular apartment in Amsterdam and everything would have been fine.
- Instead I moved into the first apartment that became available. This was in a small town north of Amsterdam, in a building that I now call a penal colony for the over-55s. You get punished for being 55 or over there. The gerontophobia was horrific. I am certain now that if I had stayed there beyond 29 October 2024, I would have ended up committing suicide. It was that dreadful. I wasn't suicidal at the time, but I can't describe the feelings that I get whenever I run into a photo of my apartment there.
- In June 2023, I also learned that my dad had disinherited me. He gave my two younger siblings a large sum of money in 2010, but I cut off contact with him in the early 1980s whereas they only did so in what must have been 2011. They put up with a lot of stuff from him far longer than I did, so it makes sense that they got "rewarded" for it. I did not want to stay in touch with my dad because it - he - would have destroyed me. As far as I know, he had made sure that he's spent any money he had when he passed away and there was none left. One of his favorite sayings was always that you can't take it with you anyway when you die. Good for you, dad. (I had to find out whether he had left me anything because I intended and tried to apply for benefits at the time.)
- In 2024, I had planned ahead, namely for vehicle life after I left the building where I was living. In September and October 2024, I made a number of relatively small purchases to this end, so that for example I can charge my phones and make coffee (and likely also cook some foods; I have only tested the coffee option so far). These purchases are sitting in my storage unit in a tiny municipality north of Amsterdam, along with some clothes, paperwork, household goods and so on. It is costing me EUR 67.10 per month; I had only expected to need that storage unit for up to a month or so.
- That did not happen. What was missing is the vehicle. I had municipality-tied social security benefits for 3 to 4 months and had been living on no more than 500 euros' worth of tax credits in the 6 to 9 months before that. (So, yes, I developed rent arrears but I was allowed to continue to stay at this torture facility.) The final benefits payment was much less than I had anticipated and when I started looking at cheap used vehicles, it became clear that I need at least 2000 euros if I want a vehicle that is in decent nick.
- A job that I then thought I had secured (nights at an AH XL) suddenly fell through. This may have had something to do with the gerontophobia situation that I was in. Some guy called Bart objected to me working there. I don't know him. I'd already happily worked a shift doing the kind of work that I grew up with and did at a Dirk when I was working on my Master's. I got a box of chocolates, basically, for my effort... (How could they?)
- At the same time, NS (Dutch Railways) was really interested in hiring me as a train guard. (I attended a Meet & Greet.) In Portsmouth, where I spent about 15 years and is a really rough town with for example lots of meth addicts, I learned so much about tough stuff that is really good for that train guard role. I had to let go of that application as I would have needed the AH job to tide me over until the fully paid training program would begin, a few months later. They needed to know where I would be based, too.
- The night from 5 to 6 December 2024 - pakjesavond - was my first night on the streets. I'd spent two nights in a car club car, one night on someone's couch and a few weeks at a tourist hostel before that.
- I was screwed royally now.
- Amsterdam is where I spent most of my Dutch life as an adult. I worked there (including at its tourist office), I went to university there and I started my first business there. It does not count. I went to a series of appointments while staying on someone's couch (getting sleep-deprived and thrown onto the floor in a sudden outburst of someone else's rage in the process). I was seen as having no ties to Amsterdam. I am not eligible. I'll skip the rant about civil servants who managed to fool me into genuinely believing that everything would come together on 24 December 2024 (even though it wasn't going to include housing or a van). After all, that is what they kept telling me. (If you protest against something like that and succeed, they tend to get angry and can make your life very difficult, by for example suddenly withholding your monthly benefits payment without prior announcement, scare the crap out of you by climbing onto your balcony and going into your flat if the balcony door is open - via the flat and balcony of your neighbors - and threatening to have you declared a dementia patient and needing to be locked up. They often communicate in Zivver so that you have no proof of anything they write to you unless you take photos of your screen. I'm not even sure if screenshots would work in Zivver. They almost never put down anything in writing and if you ask to put down in writing what they just told you, they may get angry and refuse to. This used to be so very different in the past; these basic benefits helped me get back on my feet in no time after I unexpectedly had to return from the US, earlier in my life, after the funding for my PhD research suddenly collapsed.)
- I then quickly whipped up the fundraiser which meant that social security benefits were now also out for that reason, as the donations would have been deducted.
- My Dutch passport was about to expire. I renewed it in Maastricht (I got no nastiness from them at all) as a Dutch citizen who is living abroad. The civil servants in the small town to the north of Amsterdam were so nasty that they actually managed to scare me - yes, genuinely - and I've done what I could to avoid any further contact with them. They have a vicious hate culture at that municipality (gemeente), although not necessarily at all its departments. Really creepy. Some really unhinged staff there. Ugh.
For the sake of completeness
Of the donated amount, I invested 250 euros in an online trading account as online trading is how I plan to support myself in the future. My circumstances limit me but every once in a while I take a mere few euros of profits out of my account to buy food. (One withdrawal per month is free; any extra cost 1 euro per withdrawal.) I also lowered the invested amount to 200 euros so that I could free up 50 euros for food and necessities such as tissues. In the week after Easter, I lost a bleeping 90 euros' worth of profits because I had no access to my computer at the time and some pending trades kicked in (and because of Trump's anthics I am currently not using stop losses). I've learned my lesson.
This is what the situation looks like right now; unfortunately this screenshot shows up cropped so you can't see my balance but what you can see is that I can't take anything out right now. Trump yelled again today - 23 May 2025 - so the dollar tanked and I had no open shorts running so my margin is too low (the red color means "less than 100%"). This is the kind of moment at which I previously added the minimum deposit of 50 euros, as I mentioned in an update once, placed a few trades to make more profits to improve my margin, and then took the 50 euros out again when my margin was good enough again. As you can see, I have two longs sitting there that are making me modest positive swap fees, but I can't do any matching hedging shorts right now. I don't like keeping shorts open because of the overnight swap fees; they can really add up. (I'm currently trading one thing only as my circumstances are too limited, also financially. I can't do the required due diligence and I often have insufficient online access to be able to do much else.)
More about this at bottom of page.
I'm including a cropped recent screenshot from my UK documentation as there are sometimes local Dutch people who don't believe me - as the Dutch system is so extremely rigid that my story has to sound like hogwash them to them - and suspect that I have dementia and am confused or am making it up for different reasons. As mentioned, this status will remain valid for about three more years. I do intend to return to the UK. I have no future in the netherlands, which is also why I emigrated to the US when I was in my 30s. The country is too rigid and has now become creepily Orwellian or Kafkaesque, even. I have other reasons, including its climate, which does not agree with me.
Again, I don't want to confuse people with my strangely muddled story, but neither do I want to make people wonder if I may be misleading them or be accused of having misled people later. My story is not straightforward. Read my books, too, perhaps, if you want to know more. They are on Amazon but my website angelinasouren.com has PDFs and online chapters too.
In case you wonder, I no longer really know anyone in the Netherlands, no. I am no longer able to talk about things such as NATO having called me about providing presentation skills workshops to it and I am no longer available at people's beck and call. That's when some lose interest. Other people have passed away or moved away and a few have simply mysteriously disappeared in cases where their online professional activity suddenly stopped in for example 2016 (and my LinkedIn got hacked to pieces too so I have had to shut it down).
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Besides a scientist, I am definitely also an activist or a critical thinker or a bioethics explorer or an ethical leader, whatever term you prefer. I am about to climb onto my soapbox again.
Please, do not just donate, but also talk with others about human rights and homelessness and share this fundraiser. On my website you can also read articles about homelessness in the Netherlands.
Look around in your own town and SEE US. People like me. We are everywhere. We are not the loud ones who mumble psychotically or carry a bottle in a brown bag.
We are often the quiet unobtrusive ones, the exhausted ones, the ones who don't talk with anyone, the ones who are nodding off and who may avoid your eyes because we have nothing left to say that you can relate to so we avoid conversation. We do our best to make ourselves invisible to avoid getting pestered. We, that's homeless Europeans like me and homeless non-Europeans quite like me who are all left to rot.
That said, did you know that prolonged sleep deprivation can cause hallucinations and psychosis? Stopping homeless people from sleeping can be seen as in violation of the international ban on using sleep deprivation as a torture method if you ask me.
We - that is, not I personally - often came to the Netherlands because some agency lured us here with the promise of well-paid work, linked to accommodation. We - again, that does not pertain to me personally - got dumped in the streets like rotting fruit when there was less work or if we complained about working long hours at crappy pay or about the "accommodation".
We - as of May 2025, that includes me - are the people who rummage through trash cans to look for drinks cans and bottles because of the 15 cents (sometimes 25 cents) return that the supermarkets pay for eligible ones. I don't pull open bags and sometimes pick up trash and dump it into a trash can, in fact. I always strive to maintain a zen attitude towards life.
Homelessness = Lack of income. Period. It is NOT about not being housed. It is about having no or not enough income.
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Practical matters
For those who reported that GoFundMe wouldn't let them donate:
- You can PayPal me
- If you have an IBAN for me, you can also use that.
Evidence of what I did with your donations
See also the updates.
On 1 March 2025, I increased the fundraising goal from 5000 to 7500. That is because my fundraising goal - intended to help me get out of this situation - was not reached within the first month as I had hoped. Two months had passed. The donations went toward keeping me in cheap hotels (aka "hostels") rather than toward resolving my situation. 30 days at a hostel plus food and travel costs were adding up to about EUR 1050 per month - that is, off-season; the prices go up to over 100 euro per night per bunk bed with more tourists arriving.
Below is a screenshot from 21 March 2025. These prices can actually be higher as they usually don't include tourist tax.
Meanwhile, my passport expired as well. It cost me around 270 euros to renew that (photos, fee and two NS day tickets), but I’ve learned that I do need that to be able to work here. It does not look like I need that official Dutch address registration (which I no longer have). So I could try to get for example a cleaning job, but I would need a stable operating base for that too. Temper offers individual shifts, though. ChatGPT just told me about it. (Update: Temper seems to prefer much younger people. Been in touch with Temper, but my UK/NL situation does not work for them.)
- In January, February and March, I often stayed at tourist hostels (bunk beds, dorms). Not only is that probably more expensive than you may think (you can ask me for receipts or check on booking.com), the number of days you can stay there is limited. Sometimes is it 21 days per year in total and at other places it is no longer than 7 consecutive days. One night at a hostel on average costs as much as one month of car insurance.
- I also spent two nights in the open and ended up coughing like crazy and looking like excrement. It often took me a little while to recover, depending on what came next.
- I spent some time in the north of the Netherlands working long days for free, with no spare time for even a walk. The winds were often very cold and brutal and the accommodation often was also very cold. There was a wood stove. There was a flu virus going around too that affected me. You can probably guess it… I ended up coughing like crazy. After those two weeks, I was exhausted. I didn’t even shower once there and I spent some time later to catch up on my laundry.
- I also applied with Pawshake again – which does get you paid – but they keep informing me that they are not interested in experience, just high-res glamour shots. (I have gotten hired via Pawshake in England once, but that was years ago.)
- Trusted Housesitters by contrast not only does not get you paid, it costs too much money. I can't afford it.
- I signed up and paid for the Natuurkampeerkaart, as I have a tent in my storage unit and cheaper campsite stops are a great option for when I have a vehicle and need some rest.
What I will do in the future
My pensions (UK, NL, US) will start kicking in in a few years when I turn 67. I will likely be able to start my UK pension 6 months before I turn 67. I will also be able to get a small lump sum payment from a Dutch pension fund then (EUR 4000 to 5000; it concerns afkoop klein pensioen). I've been in touch but I cannot receive this any earlier.
Below are more photos of receipts etc.
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About ten days after I started this GoFundMe, you enabled me to buy a large suitcase from Action that runs on four wheels and fits most of my stuff. I cram my electronics into a black bag that goes into a tiny suitcase and I sling a soft white bag over my left shoulder.
I will also share a receipt for a purchase that I was very hesitant about at the time, but it's been fantastic and helped keep me warm when I left the tourist hostels behind and became street-homeless. I had looked for a coat at a thrift store (kringloopwinkel) but didn’t find one. Then I saw this coat for 26 euros, at a discount of 35 euros off. It is off-white because the black version cost 10 euros more. I was very hesitant and only purchased it at 10 minutes before the store closed, but I have not regretted that purchase. Here is the ticket that was attached to the coat.
I clearly had a urinary tract/bladder infection in November/December and had emailed with my GP about it, but thankfully, it seems to have cleared up by itself. I also had some lung issues that are sensitive to cold; thankfully, I am doing fine at the moment (May 2025) (but my muscles and tendons are sometimes quite achy and it seems to be nutrition-related).
I used to have a video at the top of this page, in which you can see me wearing the coat, during my first trip to the passport office, on 30 January. I'm munching on a 59-cent pastry from AH. My breakfast. I had a salad with me as well which I prepared at Hostelle (but preparing food is not possible at most other hostels as they often sell food). Yes, I was smiling. Pulling long faces and crying or getting crazy stressed is not helpful, even though I can't always control it. I try to maintain a zen attitude. Because it helps. That is why I posted the photo of the torii gate below. Also, I love that particular color of red.
Below is the screenshot of the treatment budget that my dentist sent me.
Many people still seem to have no idea that I am homeless because I still get asked for money from time to time, but less frequently now than when I was still staying at tourist hostels. I do my best to hide my hair under a cap; it makes me look more presentable and helps me keep warm, too. I told one guy that I was homeless myself and that I knew that I didn't look the part. "I have to." He nodded with understanding. He didn't look homeless either. He walked up to me, asked me if I spoke English and when I said "yes" he showed me a text on his phone, asking me for money. At the same location, another guy approached me three times, first asked me for 5 euro and then he gave up and asked for cigarettes. I didn't bother explaining my situation to him because he would never have believed me. I rarely tell people because what would be the point, but if I think that someone might feel brushed off by me, I sometimes say "sorry, I am actually homeless myself".
Also, I have egg all over my face now regarding me having lectured the English about how well the Dutch state takes care of its citizens. I can't tell you how embarrassed that makes me and what a humbling experience this is.
Make a donation today. Help me back on my feet. My situation is not sustainable. Something is going to give at some point. Physically, this life is very hard.
Questions? Please let me know.
PS
You can now SEND me things as Post.nl now lets you pick any post office for collecting parcels. Contact me for details.
Below is a list of things that are always welcome.
1. ALWAYS WELCOME (thins my mucus, lowers inflammation and makes me feel better overall)
https://www.hollandandbarrett.nl/shop/product/holland-barrett-nac-n-acetyl-l-cysteine-600mg-90-capsules-6100001810
2. DEFINITELY ALWAYS NEEDED (fuels me)
Nescafe gold coffee sticks espresso, 25 sticks in a box
(I mix them with cold water. Works well enough.)
3. Hay fever can really rob me of my muscle power
Loratidine, 10 mg
(It also can make me look really washed out, but the musle issue can be a real pain in the behind, even literally.)
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I eventually started collecting cans and plastic bottles for the returns on them. It enables me to buy at least a bun to start the day with. I cannot do this fulltime but 1 or 2 hours at most. I don't tear open bags etc and in fact sometimes pick up trash and deposit it in a garbage can aka rubbish bin.
- The first time I ended up with EUR 1.65 in returns, which got me a koffiebroodje at a Lidl Plus discount of 15 cents, a croissant and a Pink Lady apple, with 15 cents left.
- The next day, I collected EUR 2.20 worth of cans and bottles.
- 19 May: I looked for cans again, in the middle of the night, as I suddenly woke up. Everything around me was wet with dew. I found EUR 1.65 worth of bottles and cans this time. I got two Lidl energy drinks as I've run out of coffee sticks.
- 20 May: EUR 1.65 worth of cans and bottles
- 21 May: EUR 1.20 worth of cans and bottles (I think I bought surimi sticks with 15 cents cash on top)
- 22 May: EUR 2.05 worth of cans and bottles (I bought 4 buns and deposited the rest into my bank account)
- 23 May: EUR 0.30 worth of cans and bottles (I had 20 cents cash and bought a croissant)
- 24 May: EUR 2.10 worth of cans and bottles (I bought two bags of peanuts and deposited 12 cents into my bank account)
- 25 May: EUR 1.05 worth of cans and bottles (I bought a discounted cinnamon bun and a diamond-shaped cheese bun and deposited 5 cents into my bank account)
- 26 May: EUR 2.05 worth of cans and bottles (I bought surimi sticks, a koffiebroodje/raisin bun and deposited 10 cents into my bank account, which is overdrawn)
- 26 May (yes): EUR 1.45 worth of cans and bottles (I bought a liter of organic oat drink, forgetting that I can't drink that under my tarp, and deposited 6 cents into my bank account, which is overdrawn)
- 27 May: EUR 0.75 worth of cans and bottles (I bought a bun, and deposited 25 cents into my bank account, which is overdrawn)
- 28 May: EUR 1.65 worth of cans and bottles (I bought two buns, and deposited 11 cents into my bank account, which is overdrawn)
- 28 May (yes): EUR 1.80 worth of cans and bottles (I bought two cans of energy drink)
- 29 May: EUR 1.20 worth of cans and bottles (I bought a maple pecan plait and deposited 51 cents into my bank account, which is still a little overdrawn, but I also had refund for a mobile phone subscription payment that I made months ago and went unnoticed at the time; I still have one overdue as well, with fine, so 28.50 to pay before 3 June.)
- 29 May (yes): EUR 0.55 worth of cans and bottles (more, but the machine wasn't scanning properly) (I bought a mini croissant and deposited 6 cents into my bank account, which is still a tiny little bit overdrawn.)
- 30 May: EUR 2.10 worth of cans and bottles (I bought a spinach feta borek and an energy drink and deposited 31 cents into my bank account, which was still a tiny little bit overdrawn.)
- 31 May: EUR 2.40 worth of cans and bottles (I used it all, for two boreks, a walnut roll and a pumpkin seed roll and surimi sticks - added a little from my bank account)
- 1 June: EUR 4.30 worth of cans and bottles (I used it all, for coffee sticks and tissues, added a little from my bank account)
- 2 June: EUR 0.60 worth of cans and bottles (bought a koffiebroodje on discount and got 20 cents back) (I also found two Jazz apples, well, three, but the third one was too bruised; someone bought a pack of 4 and threw three away)
- 2 June (yes): EUR 0.90 worth of cans and bottles (purchased 2 cinnamon buns on offer, added 7 cents from bank account)
- 3 June: Am really irritable because of hayfever. (Yes, it's bad; now you're warned.) Had already made more in my sleep from fx than I would have made collecting cans, so I decided to use up to two hours to trek to the central library and be there really early. Otherwise I'd have to wait for local supermarkets to open at 8 first to exchange my cans and bottles. I still had one of the cinnamon buns so I ate that.
- 4 June: EUR 0.90 and 2.25 worth of cans and bottles (bought a banana, energy drinks, peanuts and chocolate because no wheat but the chocolate was stupid as it messed with my blood sugar; I also deposited EUR 1.35 in my bank account)
- 5 June: EUR 2.95 worth of cans and bottles (bought an apple, a chicory, eh crown ? and surimi sticks; deposited 0.59 into my bank account)
- 8 June: EUR 0.60
- 9 June: EUR 2.85 + 2.00 + 1.15 + 1.35
- After this, I will only post my trading results even though it's much less like an Easter egg hunt (unless you ask me to keep posting my bottles and cans results too). I will keep collecting these cans and bottles because people leave them behind all over the place and they are hard to ignore (but you first need to have a "system" or plan for dealing with them because they are messy and can also attract ants).
My FX CFD trading, status on 5 June 2025, 3:23 pm
For the person who essentially called me a gullible fool (whose "speculation" was causing suicides among farmers in India and) who was only putting money in the pockets of Trump et al., here are the results of what I have done since 2 April when I deposited 50 bucks into my trading account; I currently have 200 invested in it. My trading is of course very limited because I am often very exhausted or focused on whether it rains so am not exactly doing the best possible. This also includes losses of around 90 euros that I took just after Easter because I don't always have access/can't always trade and then had unfortunate pending orders kick in. I've mentioned all of this before.
I've made EUR 91.60 minus EUR 14.59 in swap fees = EUR 77.01. This result is far from stellar - totally agreed and admitted - but it is also far from being a gullible fool who is only putting money in the pockets of the likes of Trump and his pals.
11 June 2025: Update with specifics
First column = date and time
Second column is swap fees = overnight holding fees
Third column = profit (a negative profit is a loss)
You can see the losses I took right after Easter, which I talked about and explained. I can also tell you that some of the profits could have been higher, but sometimes I chicken out and close a trade before the TP kicks in (TP = take-profit target that I set). Seeing the exchange rate later hit that target time and time again is highly empowering.
I'm currently not or rarely using stop-losses (SL) because of Trump's antics and the wild fluctuations it can lead to, plus I am almost exclusively trading the gopher (USD v JPY) at the moment. I do my best to close shorts timely and longs are currently enjoying positive swap fees; we'll see how long that will last. I was trading under my tarp in the rain the other day and that was a bit limiting; it probably would have been better to have closed two shorts that were both 1 buck in the plus then (but holding up the phone alone was a little hard, let alone operating it, so I got lazy). They are currently still running. It's gonna be okay anyway; I expect to make around 10 bucks on each of them soon enough. I no longer beat myself up for any mistakes, whether small or big. I am way beyond that now.
Positions
Time Swap Profit
2025.04.02 15:38:58 0.00 0.15
2025.04.02 16:00:32 - 0.39 1.24
2025.04.02 23:13:28 0.00 0.57
2025.04.03 09:25:24 0.00 0.19
2025.04.03 10:26:48 0.00 0.11
2025.04.03 10:33:18 0.00 0.24
2025.04.03 12:04:40 0.00 0.58
2025.04.03 12:11:36 0.00 0.01
2025.04.03 13:19:11 0.00 0.25
2025.04.03 13:36:43 0.00 0.15
2025.04.03 14:09:42 0.00 0.11
2025.04.03 14:25:48 0.00 0.13
2025.04.03 15:16:01 0.00 0.06
2025.04.03 16:33:49 0.00 0.20
2025.04.03 17:29:26 0.00 0.90
2025.04.03 17:35:59 0.00 0.06
2025.04.03 17:37:34 0.00 0.03
2025.04.03 18:12:46 0.00 0.15
2025.04.03 18:17:12 0.00 0.11
2025.04.03 18:29:09 0.00 0.38
2025.04.03 18:36:23 0.00 - 0.96
2025.04.03 20:40:13 0.00 0.21
2025.04.03 21:02:40 0.00 0.17
2025.04.03 21:21:20 - 0.13 1.58
2025.04.04 09:47:02 0.00 0.30
2025.04.04 10:29:15 0.00 0.11
2025.04.04 10:35:16 0.00 0.70
2025.04.04 12:01:08 0.00 0.12
2025.04.04 12:46:28 0.00 0.19
2025.04.04 13:23:09 0.00 0.02
2025.04.04 14:04:37 0.00 0.21
2025.04.04 14:38:43 0.00 0.45
2025.04.04 15:02:01 0.00 0.57
2025.04.04 15:05:09 0.00 0.29
2025.04.04 15:19:24 0.00 0.08
2025.04.04 18:01:23 0.00 - 9.06
2025.04.04 20:42:16 0.00 0.20
2025.04.04 20:45:36 0.00 0.71
2025.04.07 11:28:39 0.00 0.62
2025.04.07 12:44:05 0.00 0.23
2025.04.07 14:25:51 0.00 0.21
2025.04.07 14:58:18 - 0.13 0.31
2025.04.08 23:21:52 0.00 0.63
2025.04.09 20:23:05 0.00 0.80
2025.04.09 20:24:10 0.00 0.06
2025.04.09 20:33:59 0.00 0.08
2025.04.09 20:50:08 0.00 0.85
2025.04.09 20:56:06 0.00 0.61
2025.04.09 21:05:13 0.00 0.36
2025.04.09 22:32:42 0.00 0.38
2025.04.10 07:52:29 0.00 0.55
2025.04.10 10:46:23 0.00 0.06
2025.04.10 10:49:05 0.00 0.57
2025.04.10 10:57:01 0.00 0.20
2025.04.10 11:16:09 0.00 0.45
2025.04.10 11:20:28 0.00 0.00
2025.04.10 11:37:16 0.00 0.59
2025.04.10 12:02:24 0.00 0.16
2025.04.10 13:01:04 0.00 0.43
2025.04.10 13:10:06 0.00 0.32
2025.04.10 13:22:14 0.00 0.27
2025.04.10 13:26:06 0.00 0.10
2025.04.10 13:33:46 0.00 0.34
2025.04.10 13:38:12 0.00 - 0.02
2025.04.10 13:55:18 0.00 0.08
2025.04.10 14:02:17 0.00 0.47
2025.04.10 15:18:37 0.00 0.09
2025.04.10 15:21:04 0.00 0.24
2025.04.10 15:23:14 0.00 1.58
2025.04.10 15:32:09 0.00 0.23
2025.04.10 15:33:21 0.00 0.14
2025.04.10 15:33:46 0.00 0.70
2025.04.10 16:52:38 0.00 0.30
2025.04.10 17:03:30 0.00 0.40
2025.04.10 20:56:01 0.00 0.31
2025.04.10 21:08:59 0.00 0.59
2025.04.10 22:16:22 0.00 0.11
2025.04.10 22:19:26 0.00 0.65
2025.04.15 18:20:51 - 0.13 0.82
2025.04.15 18:20:52 0.00 0.84
2025.04.15 19:10:25 0.00 0.66
2025.04.15 21:13:06 - 0.13 2.19
2025.04.16 07:07:33 0.00 0.46
2025.04.16 07:59:50 0.00 0.40
2025.04.16 11:28:04 0.00 1.49
2025.04.16 12:53:28 0.00 0.01
2025.04.16 14:02:26 0.00 0.14
2025.04.16 14:49:08 0.00 0.11
2025.04.16 15:30:09 0.00 0.01
2025.04.16 18:30:50 0.00 0.09
2025.04.16 18:47:23 0.00 0.10
2025.04.16 18:50:35 0.00 0.41
2025.04.16 18:55:28 0.00 0.11
2025.04.16 19:34:42 0.00 0.83
2025.04.16 20:43:51 0.00 0.07
2025.04.16 20:53:28 0.17 0.38
2025.04.16 21:38:39 0.00 0.14
2025.04.16 22:06:54 0.00 0.11
2025.04.16 22:06:55 0.00 0.11
2025.04.17 03:58:40 0.00 0.67
2025.04.17 07:58:55 0.00 0.27
2025.04.17 08:11:17 0.00 0.77
2025.04.17 08:30:32 0.00 - 0.44
2025.04.17 10:24:37 0.00 0.87
2025.04.17 11:36:33 0.00 0.30
2025.04.17 12:05:10 0.24 0.05
2025.04.17 12:05:16 0.24 0.06
2025.04.17 13:14:27 0.47 4.86
2025.04.17 13:14:27 0.47 4.86
2025.04.17 13:43:58 0.00 0.11
2025.04.17 13:44:07 0.00 0.08
2025.04.17 16:37:50 0.00 0.12
2025.04.17 20:45:46 0.00 - 0.06
2025.04.17 20:49:56 0.00 0.40
2025.04.18 08:54:36 0.00 0.68
2025.04.18 10:35:24 0.00 0.49
2025.04.18 14:58:55 0.00 0.39
2025.04.18 15:15:55 0.00 0.20
2025.04.18 22:18:25 - 0.52 0.57
2025.04.21 13:28:34 0.00 0.25
2025.04.21 15:42:12 0.00 0.34
2025.04.21 15:42:12 0.00 1.38
2025.04.21 15:51:33 0.00 0.54
2025.04.21 15:56:34 0.00 0.14
2025.04.21 15:57:12 0.00 0.79
2025.04.21 16:00:02 0.00 - 0.25
2025.04.21 16:29:02 0.00 1.06
2025.04.21 17:50:31 0.00 0.84
2025.04.21 18:21:02 0.00 1.12
2025.04.21 19:43:42 0.00 1.01
2025.04.21 20:28:14 0.00 0.67
2025.04.21 20:43:18 0.00 1.36
2025.04.21 23:13:00 - 0.52 4.12
2025.04.22 03:03:30 0.00 3.73
2025.04.22 15:23:58 0.00 - 17.23
2025.04.22 15:23:58 0.00 - 4.31
2025.04.22 19:00:57 0.00 1.50
2025.04.22 20:05:32 0.00 1.59
2025.04.22 20:14:33 0.00 2.01
2025.04.22 20:18:40 - 2.61 - 57.21
2025.04.22 21:42:02 - 1.56 - 8.53
2025.04.23 16:46:31 0.00 0.53
2025.04.23 17:19:31 0.00 1.17
2025.04.23 18:23:36 0.00 - 0.31
2025.04.25 13:16:28 0.00 0.68
2025.04.25 13:23:28 0.00 1.88
2025.04.25 13:55:30 - 0.13 0.34
2025.04.25 14:21:00 - 0.13 0.26
2025.04.28 11:09:42 0.00 0.85
2025.04.28 11:25:02 0.55 2.09
2025.04.28 11:58:03 0.29 1.56
2025.04.29 12:11:49 0.00 - 1.45
2025.04.29 14:16:07 0.00 0.05
2025.04.29 16:50:58 0.00 0.15
2025.04.29 17:00:02 0.00 1.28
2025.04.29 17:11:38 0.00 0.44
2025.04.29 20:51:23 - 0.52 - 11.15
2025.04.30 09:05:41 0.00 0.39
2025.04.30 14:35:03 0.00 0.25
2025.04.30 14:39:10 0.00 0.06
2025.04.30 15:15:01 0.00 0.07
2025.04.30 15:18:56 0.00 0.12
2025.04.30 15:30:18 0.00 0.41
2025.04.30 15:33:22 0.00 0.03
2025.04.30 15:37:04 0.00 0.14
2025.04.30 15:54:03 0.00 - 0.02
2025.04.30 17:45:18 0.00 0.10
2025.04.30 17:52:05 0.00 0.12
2025.04.30 19:32:20 0.17 2.58
2025.05.01 07:45:49 - 0.26 1.08
2025.05.01 08:27:35 - 0.13 0.17
2025.05.01 11:19:10 0.00 0.50
2025.05.01 11:23:23 - 0.13 0.48
2025.05.01 20:30:18 0.40 0.51
2025.05.02 12:58:05 0.00 0.07
2025.05.02 13:01:45 0.00 0.41
2025.05.02 15:30:01 0.00 1.59
2025.05.02 16:41:44 0.00 0.51
2025.05.02 16:45:59 0.00 1.17
2025.05.02 19:55:06 0.00 0.38
2025.05.02 22:07:37 0.00 0.46
2025.05.02 22:11:13 0.00 - 0.07
2025.05.05 08:40:53 0.00 2.33
2025.05.05 08:51:10 0.00 0.84
2025.05.05 09:06:36 0.00 0.13
2025.05.05 09:23:19 0.00 0.81
2025.05.05 10:17:14 0.00 0.51
2025.05.05 10:31:03 0.00 1.69
2025.05.05 11:06:35 0.29 2.27
2025.05.05 11:08:48 0.29 2.38
2025.05.05 11:15:07 0.00 0.57
2025.05.05 19:07:30 0.00 2.14
2025.05.05 19:37:01 0.00 0.96
2025.05.05 21:58:02 0.29 4.30
2025.05.08 08:16:36 0.00 0.16
2025.05.08 09:45:16 0.00 0.23
2025.05.08 10:13:27 0.00 0.29
2025.05.08 11:27:59 0.00 0.29
2025.05.08 12:01:07 0.00 2.55
2025.05.08 12:47:12 0.00 2.13
2025.05.08 15:30:53 0.00 2.24
2025.05.08 15:36:27 0.00 2.53
2025.05.08 15:45:17 0.00 0.57
2025.05.08 16:00:31 0.00 0.57
2025.05.08 16:33:45 0.00 0.31
2025.05.08 16:46:39 0.00 1.13
2025.05.08 17:26:18 - 2.60 3.50
2025.05.08 17:30:14 - 2.60 2.37
2025.05.08 19:25:46 - 0.13 2.50
2025.05.09 10:00:46 0.00 0.34
2025.05.09 10:01:03 0.00 1.06
2025.05.09 10:11:52 0.00 0.04
2025.05.09 10:17:24 0.00 0.57
2025.05.09 11:24:45 0.00 0.68
2025.05.14 11:14:27 0.00 5.61
2025.05.14 19:43:12 0.00 0.99
2025.05.14 20:06:00 0.00 0.16
2025.05.14 20:35:11 0.00 4.23
2025.05.14 22:30:10 0.00 1.74
2025.05.14 23:12:43 0.00 0.95
2025.05.20 09:10:13 0.00 0.96
2025.05.20 09:25:08 0.00 1.89
2025.05.20 11:12:00 0.00 0.20
2025.05.20 11:50:24 0.00 0.20
2025.05.20 12:20:08 - 0.26 1.30
2025.05.20 15:46:09 0.00 1.49
2025.05.20 17:14:14 - 0.26 3.50
2025.05.21 14:48:17 0.00 0.58
2025.05.21 15:06:54 0.00 0.47
2025.05.21 15:38:19 0.00 0.20
2025.05.21 15:58:28 0.00 0.07
2025.05.21 16:14:14 0.00 1.13
2025.05.21 16:26:01 0.00 1.91
2025.05.21 17:11:48 0.00 3.88
2025.05.21 17:11:50 0.00 1.26
2025.05.21 20:36:06 - 1.56 3.99
2025.05.22 17:22:29 0.00 0.39
2025.05.22 17:30:17 0.00 0.42
2025.05.22 18:10:07 0.00 1.28
2025.05.22 19:19:45 0.00 1.11
2025.05.22 20:08:33 0.00 1.43
2025.05.22 22:59:04 0.00 0.07
2025.05.23 09:30:04 0.00 0.63
2025.05.23 09:31:47 0.00 0.68
2025.05.27 08:26:47 0.00 1.24
2025.05.27 10:01:10 0.00 3.04
2025.05.27 10:13:16 - 3.11 7.45
2025.06.02 10:42:36 0.00 2.18
2025.06.02 10:55:30 0.00 0.39
2025.06.02 11:03:41 0.00 0.74
2025.06.02 13:02:56 0.00 0.34
2025.06.02 14:05:18 0.00 0.22
2025.06.02 14:47:56 0.00 - 1.30
2025.06.02 15:21:21 0.00 0.86
2025.06.02 15:31:03 0.00 0.56
2025.06.02 15:45:11 0.00 0.15
2025.06.02 16:02:15 0.00 0.15
2025.06.02 16:35:41 0.00 0.25
2025.06.02 16:38:04 0.00 0.74
2025.06.02 17:23:52 0.00 0.00
2025.06.02 17:30:04 0.00 0.66
2025.06.02 17:36:17 0.00 0.27
2025.06.02 19:01:05 0.00 0.39
2025.06.03 04:27:43 0.00 - 0.17
2025.06.03 04:31:30 0.00 1.02
2025.06.03 07:04:15 0.00 1.87
2025.06.03 09:08:41 0.00 0.84
2025.06.03 10:25:06 - 0.52 - 4.68
2025.06.05 10:17:37 0.00 0.06
2025.06.05 14:21:10 0.00 1.59
2025.06.05 15:50:16 0.00 0.40
2025.06.05 16:09:41 0.00 0.54
2025.06.05 18:31:56 0.00 2.46
2025.06.05 18:52:49 0.00 3.57
2025.06.05 21:03:00 0.00 0.18
2025.06.05 22:08:32 0.00 1.08
2025.06.05 22:11:55 0.00 0.47
2025.06.05 22:39:01 0.00 0.75
2025.06.05 22:51:35 0.00 1.13
2025.06.06 00:05:44 0.00 1.53
TOTAL - 14.07 102.77 102.77
---
12 June 2025: -3.08 + 7.49 = 4.41
12 June 2025: 0 + 0.42 = 0.42
12 June 2025: 0 +5.12 = 5.12
Organizer
Angelina W Souren
Organizer