"Help me thrive again! End my homelessness. We can do this!"

I've been homeless in the Amsterdam area since 29 October 2024. I started this fundraiser on 29 December 2024 when it became clear that I have no access to assistance from local government. The wonderful donations were keeping me fed, watered and also occasionally/somewhat housed, but then the donations started drying up without my fundraising goal having been reached. As I am without any other solid income, the donations became vital. But that was not why I started this fundraiser... I had and still have a specific goal in mind to RESOLVE this situation, not prolong it.

It's 13 April now. I haven't been able to shower or change clothes in over 3 weeks and I am starting to get really smelly as nights have often been around freezing with daylight temps much higher. In several layers of clothing, dragging my luggage around with me, I often sweat like a pig. I'm dirty. My soft bag is quite dirty too now.

This - below - is one of my recent sleeping spots (video of 9 April). My suitcases and I often got soaking wet there.

WHAT I NEED:

Don't mistake videos with silly smiley me for a sign of my supposed learning disability - I tend to keep my misery and challenges hidden - or the way I look in any video that shows an exhausted, sleep-deprived, weatherworn-skinned version of me for the impact of alcoholism. I am educated and capable, with a high IQ. I'm 64, do not have dementia but do not have the body of a 24-year-old either, though I am fairly fit.

I had hoped to have resolved my homelessness before the end of 2024 but I failed, partly because I expected to receive 400 to 500 euro more in November than I actually got in my final benefits (social security) payment for my previous municipality where I had benefits for 3, 4 months and experienced gerontophobia with intimidation and retaliation from civil servants. That I moved into that horrible place for over55s is fully on me and was STUPID STUPID STUPID, but I can't turn it back.

The problem is not homelessness - that is the consequence - but having no income other than these donations.

I am a Dutch citizen, I am in the Netherlands, but I am not part of the Dutch population at this point in time. Formally, I am currently based in the UK because of the way address registration works in the Netherlands and the need to renew my passport in January 2025 without needing to rely on said abusive civil servants. I succeeded.

The UK is likely where I will need to be again, eventually. When my pensions kick in, this guarantees that I will be able to support myself in the UK, but I do not really have a future in the Netherlands with its excessive and prohibitive legislation and regulations.

The support for homeless people in the Netherlands is limited - real life is not a make-belief fairy tale - and I do not qualify for any kind of support here, as mentioned. Help me bust out of what now rapidly appears to become a dead-end alley to death.

I NEED A VEHICLE TO LIVE IN AS A HOME BASE. That is what this campaign has always been about but so far, it's financed food, public transport and hostels, keeping me trapped.

Please, do not just donate, but also talk with others about human rights and homelessness and share this fundraiser.

Look around in your own town and SEE US. People like me. We are everywhere. We are not the loud ones who mumble and all of that. We are the quiet unobtrusive ones, the exhausted ones, the ones who don't talk with anyone, the ones who are nodding off and who may avoid your eyes because we have nothing left to say that you can relate to so we avoid conversation. We do our best to make ourselves invisible to avoid getting pestered. We, that's homeless Europeans like me and homeless non-Europeans quite like me who are all left to rot. The reason for my homelessness - aka lack of income! - is different, but the experience is the same. When we look at each other, we sense the pain and exhaustion, we see the luggage, the rucksack, the state of our clothes, which look fine to most people - and we KNOW. Many of us are painfully thin and completely devoid of hope. We - not I personally - often came here because some agency lured us here with the promise of well-paid work, linked to accommodation. We - not I personally - got dumped in the streets like rotting fruit when there was less work or if we complained about working long hours at crappy pay or about the "accommodation".

We - not me personally - are the people who rummage through trash cans to look for drinks cans and bottles because the 15 cents the supermarkets pay for them. At the start of my homelessness, I still threw my cans and bottles away, but I have learned to keep them with me.

Homelessness = Lack of income. Period. It is NOT about not being housed. It is about having no income.

Feel free to ask me to do something in return for your donation. More about that below.

For those who reported that GoFundMe won't let them donate:

No, you can't spend the night in a storage unit, btw.

On 1 March 2025, I increased the fundraising goal from 5000 to 7500. That is because my fundraising goal - intended to help me get out of this situation - was not reached within the first month as I had hoped. Two months had passed. The donations went toward keeping me in cheap hotels (aka "hostels") rather than toward resolving my situation. 30 days at a hostel plus food and travel costs were adding up to about EUR 1050 per month - that is, off-season; the prices go up with more tourists arriving. Below is a screenshot from 21 March 2025; in reality, these prices are often higher as they usually don't include tourist tax, for instance.

So at the start of March I chose to stay on the streets for a few days -this is NOT FUN, not a cool leisure adventure; it's torture - and try to do a little trading. Because I had no choice. Because it is the only thing that I can still do. That did not work. I made 15 bucks right away, but I got too sleep-deprived, achy and exhausted to remain very functional. At the public library where I was doing this, there can be so much light on my screen that I can't see a thing on my screen and can't trade. Extremely desperate to go into a hostel again, be able to sleep again, I closed my open trades at a loss - bam bam bam - to free up cash, the way you do in my kind of circumstances.

You people out there have NO IDEA of how desperate you get when you have to survive like a rat in the streets. How utterly exhausting it is and how terribly cold you get.

Yes, I ended up looking rather awful but who cares as long as you are able to generate some money. My issue is MONEY.

I rewrote the text below on 9 February 2025 - about a month after I started this GoFundMe - because my earlier text lacked clarity. It's still messy, though. I also probably should have added that I am not a drug addict, do not have an alcohol problem or dementia and am not a shopaholic or schizophrenic. That's a little sad, that you have to do that. A great deal of the stigma mental health stigma surrounding homelessness likely comes from the effects of prolonged sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion as a result of the homelessness.

What can I do for you in return? At the moment, often not much, but I am versatile and capable and once my situation is resolved, I should be able to help you with many different things such as video-editing but also proofread or help you clean out your shed or attic or clean your kitchen.

I'm also a Wikipedia editor, among other things; I adhere to the required standards but if for example information on a page is lacking or incorrect and I can find good sources for it, then I'd only be doing my duty if I tried to do something about it. I can't offer a guaranteed personal reward up-front just yet because without a stable operating base, I can't currently guarantee that I will be able to provide it.

For the record, this is also something I tried while stuck in the little town up north:

https://www.facebook.com/AuntieAbroadAgency/

https://auntieabroadagency.nl/

This, however, I CAN offer YOU now in return for your donations:

I don't need a fortune to be happy. I like upcycling and recycling. My self-employment didn't bring me tons of money, but I wasn't in it for the money. Other than that, my story is one of mistakes I made, such as moving into an apartment that I should never have moved into and also moving to the wrong town. Hindsight is always 20/20 so there is no point in beating myself up. That said, I am obviously learning very hard lessons. (As some of you know and which ChatGPT says I should mention, it is probably fair to say that at the roots of my current situation lies a lot of hacking and other strange nonsense, such as lock-picking to gain access to my equipment - which I never saw coming - which is a big part of the reason why I continued to struggle so much in England.)

This was me in the morning of the night between 5 and 6 December 2024 (video). I've been homeless since 29 October 2024. That was my first night literally spent out in the cold.

I’m a Dutch woman with settled status in the UK, where I moved to in 2004 (southern England, from Amsterdam). I’ve previously lived in Florida. The moving around is because of my science background and now also because I have mild respiratory problems that particularly act up in cold winters such as in the Netherlands. This is getting worse. I’d forgotten that the weather and climate in the Netherlands really affect me. Keep reading. What is good for me is mild (preferably warm), humid clean air. What I also keep noticing, which some of you may find hilarious, is that I apparently have gotten so used to "hinting" and "sarcasm" in England that I constantly keep expecting it now (in different cultures) and that when I communicate in Dutch, I probably often confuse Dutch people.

Things didn’t go as planned in the UK and it seemed time to return to the Netherlands. I was wrong about that. I currently have no income – other than these donations – and no entitlements to any form of support in the Netherlands, where I no longer really know anyone. I’m 64. (I went to university a little later than is usual.) I’ve now been homeless in the Netherlands for over three months (since 29 October 2024). It’s a long story, but I seem to keep confusing people with it when I try to explain, so I now do my best to focus on the future instead and be as clear as I can.

I also need 1000 euro worth of dental work (crown; hopefully will be able to avoid root canal). In August 2024, a good dentist did an intake (cheaper than elsewhere and positive experience) and gave me a budget for my treatment. The situation was less bad than I had feared. I am not sure if I had already mentioned that. I have so many bills piling up that I can’t pay anyway. I focus on paying for what is most urgent for my situation. I have now added a related image at the bottom, because I don’t want you to wonder if I am making it up. I want to finance this myself, later.

Meanwhile, my passport expired as well. It cost me around 270 euros to renew that (photos, fee and two NS day tickets), but I’ve learned that I do need that to be able to work here. It does not look like I need that official Dutch address registration (which I no longer have). So I could try to get for example a cleaning job, but I would need a stable operating base for that too. Temper offers individual shifts, though. ChatGPT just told me about it. (Update: Temper seems to prefer much younger people.)

Why I need the funds and why I desperately need a vehicle

I need an operating base where I can keep my things and sleep as well as work from. I need to start generating income again, regardless of whether I am in England or in the Netherlands. For doing something like learning a new programming language as a marketable skill that makes it possible to work remotely as a freelancer, I would also need such a stable base. I can’t apply for jobs in either country if I don’t know whether I will be able to show up for work (also if the work is remote).

Shelters – to which I am not entitled – do not provide a stable base. You can only stay there overnight on a night-by-night basis – daily screening – and they often are not free.

Alternatively, I would need to be able to pay for a hotel or hostel for about a month and food, using a launderette, purchase toiletries and other necessities, until I get my first salary payment. That would require at least about 1500 euro (likely closer to 2000 or more, of course, I book hostel nights on the cheapest nights but these prices for bunk beds can go up a lot if there is a lot of interest). I would need to have that as a lump sum (or maybe two or three chunks). There is no point in applying for jobs without knowing if you will even be able to show up and do the work; you can really push yourself out of the market if you mess up too much.

The donations have been great and I am truly very grateful for them as they have been keeping me alive, literally. They have not changed my situation, however. I am still in the exact same position as I was in as when I started this GoFundMe. I still am largely living from day to day, often having no idea in what circumstances and where I will be 2 or 3 days from now.

BUDGETS

See also photos of receipts below for an impression.

Breakthrough solution

Dentist

Passport

Monthly expenses

I have monthly expenses including mobile phone fees and the fee for the storage unit as well as costs for public transport, toiletries and food. This varies, of course, but is probably in the range of 400 to 600 euro. This is excluding hostels.

January 2025: Done - but coming months not yet covered.

As mentioned, I also have various mostly fairly small bills that I am currently deliberately ignoring and not worrying about because I have no choice anyway. I don’t think that this may have serious consequences, at least not right away.

Below are photos of receipts etc and also some links to articles about ways in which people can become homeless these days, which is very often because of a lack of cash.

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About ten days after I started this GoFundMe, you enabled me to buy a large suitcase from Action that runs on four wheels and fits most of my stuff. I cram my electronics into a black bag that goes into a tiny suitcase and I sling a soft white bag over my left shoulder.

It's not true that help is available for people in that kind of situation as if it is on the shelves of all the supermarkets and that people who fall through the cracks don't deserve support.

• Sometimes, they are required to continue to pay rent for a home in which they are not allowed to live because of this crazy explosive attack epidemic.

• It can also be because they are a victim of domestic abuse and fled to a shelter and were relocated to a different town, for their safety.

• Others' lives fall apart because they get accused of tax credits fraud.

• Yet others fall through the cracks after a divorce. Housing is a huge problem in the Netherlands and they may also have to pay alimony or have other expenses.

Homelessness is increasingly common in the Netherlands, as you can also read in Michelle van Tongerloo's book and articles. It can happen to anyone. Perfectly fine people are being pushed into homelessness without recourse or support.

This photo below, that was me at the end of last year. I spent the night between 5 and 6 December 2024 standing in a smokers' shelter of a sports center ins an industrial area where I rent my storage unit, in the most awful weather. The following day, the abovementioned guy on whose sofa I stayed picked me up, and drove me to his place, but this was not planned and I was exhausted and he already had plenty of people living there (who all interact with many different people, in and from several countries; so I had my first bad coughing bout there after I must have caught some stupid cold virus).

I had my first appointment at the municipality of Amsterdam that morning. I was able to travel there thanks to donations from Elly in Belgium and Karen in France. I literally had 65 eurocents in my bank account at the time.

Donations from Elly

Donation from Karen

November 2024: in my first hostel

November 2024: at the launderette near that hostel

Here are some links for people who read Dutch:

• Article in Dutch about how things work in NL

• Article in Dutch about the same

• Article in Dutch about a new cause of homelessness

I will also share a recent receipt because I was very hesitant about that purchase. I had looked for a coat at a thrift store (kringloopwinkel) but didn’t find one. Then I saw this coat for 26 euros, at 35 off. It is off-white because the black version cost 10 euros more. I was very hesitant and only purchased it at 10 minutes before the store closed, but I have not regretted that purchase. Here is the ticket that was attached to the coat.

I clearly had a urinary tract/bladder infection in November/December and had emailed with my GP about it, but thankfully, it seems to have cleared up by itself. My lung issue is also sensitive to cold, as mentioned.

In the video at the top of this page, you can see me wearing the coat, during my first trip to the passport office, on 30 January. I'm munching on a 59-cent pastry from AH. My breakfast. I had a salad with me as well which I prepared at Hostelle, but this is not possible at many other hostels.) Yes, I am smiling. Pulling long faces and crying or getting crazy stressed is not helpful, even though I can't always control it. I try to maintain a zen attitude. Because it helps. That is why I posted the photo of the torii gate below. I love that particular color of red, too.

Most people still seem to have no idea that I am homeless because I get asked for money quite often. I do my best to hide my hair under a cap; it makes me look more presentable and helps me keep warm, too. I told one guy that I was homeless myself and that I knew that I didn't look the part. "I have to." He nodded with understanding. He didn't look homeless either. He walked up to me, asked me if I spoke English and when I said "yes" he showed me a text on his phone, asking me for money. At the same location, another guy approached me three times, first asked me for 5 euro and then he gave up and asked for cigarettes. I didn't bother explaining my situation to him because he would never have believed me. I rarely tell people because what would be the point, but if I think that someone might feel brushed off by me, I sometimes say "sorry, I am actually homeless myself".

As mentioned, I also slept in a car for two nights - which confirmed for me that I would absolutely LOVE van life.

Below are two related videos.

• I spent all night standing in a rain shelter

• Bloody hell it's cold

I made the second video in the car. You don't need to be cold and uncomfortable in a vehicle that you own at all because you can do things like remove seats and keep a sleeping bag and blankets in it. (I've been sleeping the Japanese way for a long time. It helps me stay agile and fit. I don't need a traditional bed at all.) I was more comfortable during the second night because I managed to find my sleeping bag in my storage unit and I also took a movers' blanket with me.

I have been a fan of vanlife for years and I know that I can do it. (I think I'd love it.) It would make me so much more flexible. It would give me a base to work from without being in anyone's way.

I have been making inquiries and it turns out that an Opel Agila or Vauxhall Agila from before 2008 (when the design changed) would be a good choice. It does not use diesel and is low in road tax and insurance, quite spacious and easy to drive.

A real minivan might do too (but they mostly run on Diesel which makes them heavier and more expensive for various reasons). A real van would probably be a longer-term solution because it is easier to work in a van in which your head doesn't touch the ceiling and you can have an actual desk.

As a geology student, I spent two months in a little stuga in Sweden, without running water and no electricity where I used bottle gas for cooking. So I have experience with making things work that way as well. Renting that stuga was slightly more expensive than renting my apartment in Amsterdam. Thankfully, geology students were assigned funds to cover their main fieldwork expenses, but it was challenging all the same.

Also, I have egg all over my face now regarding me having lectured the English about how well the Dutch state takes care of its citizens. I can't tell you how embarrassed that makes me and what a humbling experience this is.

Questions? Tips? Please let me know.