It's May 2026. My situation is now deteriorating rapidly. I desperately need your support. I started this fundraiser at the end of 2024, to raise the money for a van and three months of survival. That didn't happen, but I survived as a homeless person, thanks to donations as well as police and enforcement leaving me in peace for a year.

Keep reading. Please.

By the way, I can't embed videos in this fundraiser. Sorry! The GoFundMe platform is weirdly clunky on the fundraising side.

Also, as my laptop was stolen at the end of April 2026, it's no longer possible to keep this page updated nicely in English AND Dutch. Want more details? Previous versions of this page are available at https://homelessinamsterdam.wordpress.com/

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I am a Dutch citizen who's officially based in England. I'm penniless as i went to university later in life and haven't been able to support myself since 2009, which is when moved from Southampton to Portsmouth.

I am currently homeless in Amsterdam. It is caused by a lack of funds.

My English and Dutch pension payments will start kicking in soon, the English pension first. So this is NOT a never-ending beg feast. You've seen the screenshots. If not, click on the link above and look at the most recent fundraiser text, with images.

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I made the video at the top, totally in shock, on 24 December 2024, when everything was going to be okay, as they kept saying at the municipality (Amsterdam). Except... it wasn't.

This, on 24 December 2024, was my third meeting at the municipality. I was supposed to be able to go into some kind of shelter that day, get basic financial support (bijstand) and an official address. Without an address, you don't exist in the Netherlands. It all works very differently in the Netherlands than in the UK and the US.

For the record, in subsequent interactions with the municipality, nobody ever gave me an indication that they might still be able to do something useful for me... I also approached them with THREE different offers of a compromise. They didn't even bother to acknowledge receipt.

So, me and the municipality are through, certainly after the nasty crap with the police and enforcement suddenly kicked off and caused a major deterioration in my situation.

The application process for support if you are homeless or about to be is awfully dehumanising, by the way. The assumption is that you're dangerous by definition. That's blatant povertyism! Ask Olivier de Schutter about this..You go through a metal detector and have to put all your things into a locker. You're only allowed to take loose-leaf papers into your meeting.

Anyway, they'd given me this form that needed to be signed by people on whose couch I was staying. There is no form for sleeping in a car, tent or in the bushes. The situation was extremely tense. Five adults and two children and a pending divorce. There had already been some physical violence. The city knew about this and knew that I had to leave that couch soon - and I did.

I whipped up this fundraiser and launched it a few days later, on 29 December 2024. It's donations that have kept me alive since. ❤️

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Back then, I was still a legal resident of both the UK and the Netherlands, but as most of you know, as of January 2025, I am only still a legal resident of the UK. It's why the Dutch salvation army (Leger des Heils) suggested that I go to the IND (Dutch version of ICE in the US) to have myself detained and deported after I contacted them in a state of panic in early 2025 when I was facing another freezing cold night sitting on a bench in Timorplein. That wasn't how they phrased it. They said that the IND would offer me accommodation and repatriate me. Ha ha. Very funny. I was shocked by the cold callous response. They couldn't care less?

(Remember that I am a Dutch citizen.)

This was me on 31 October 2025, after six months of street-homelessness and a year of technical homelessness:

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How this came about?

I had fled from a pretty serious long-term abusive situation in England where I moved to in 2004 (video of related presentation by forensic psychologist). I had been begging the police and local authorities for help for years, to no avail. I had already made four previous escape attempts, two in 2017 and two in 2018. In 2023, I tried again. And again, on zero money.

As often happens when you flee from abuse without money, I then landed in another abusive situation, in a tiny town called Purmerend. Again, I had to get out. So I went to my hometown Amsterdam. That was stupid, in hindsight, because they had already told me in 2017 that there was nothing they could do for me.

You can find more details in the previous versions of the fundraising text, available at https://homelessinamsterdam.wordpress.com/

Poverty and homelessness have shown me an ugly side of humans that I wish I could forget.

Dakloos zijn in Nederland is zo vreselijk omdat het enige waar je écht op kunt rekenen die mensonterende bejegening is. Het eeuwige "Je moet je bek houden, jij!". Want jij bent geen mens. Je bent een soort hondenpoep, meer niet. Want je hebt geen geld. Zonder geld? Mens af.

Velen zijn ervan overtuigd dat als je niet aan de drugs of de drank bent, je of niet goed snik bent (intellectuele beperking) of niet goed snik bent (psychisch ziek, zwak of misselijk). Dat idee kunnen mensen maar moeilijk loslaten. Ze behandelen je alsof je een stout kind van vier bent, wat hier echter ook al in iets mindere mate hoort bij boven de 55 zijn.

Of misschien is het dat ze verwachten dat ik precies hetzelfde van het leven wil als zij. Dat is nooit het geval geweest. I'm a boss. Ik zat als kinderen altijd links vooraan in de klas, behalve bij breien, haken en borduren.

I like being at the cutting edge... Being forced to climb the walls for so long, that's agony for me. My brain needs to have enough stuff to do and wants lots of input.

Vooral voor de meeste Moslims hier was ik echter gewoon nog steeds een mens. ❤️

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Here's my financial situation:

(When I can, I collect cans and bottles for statiegeld; that is the +1.60.)

As you can see, it's bleak. I have monthly fees for a storage unit that I only expected to need for a few weeks, I have phone subscriptions to pay, I have bank fees and laundromat costs plus I buy tissues, ibuprofen, bandaids, coffee, pastries, energy drinks etc.

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On 12 March 2026, a series of targeted thefts and intimidation attempts started that still may not have stopped. It's personal, coming from someone apparently believing to be in a relationship with me (lots of orange peel theory nonsense involved). It's either a particular batshit-crazy woman in Bankastraat who also assaulted me at a public library on 26 March (and dropped by at my spot an hour later to taunt me) or someone in England. It did begin right after I blocked Ms Batshit on my phone, however.

A local youngster informed me that the thefts were specific and farmed out, possibly via social media.

This was clearly done by someone who knew exactly which items I was keeping where.

My tablet was inside a cut-out hardcover paper notebook, for example. Gone. My beloved (simless) higher-end LG phone with lots of personal files including music and my DigiD? Gone. My suitcase with shower and laundry stuff, pjs, bras and dirty and clean clothes? Gone. On 27 April, my laptop bag was taken from inside a small suitcase, the suitcase closed afterwards, so that I only found out that it was empty when I picked it up.

One theft involved only a see-through plastic etui with an old lady shave, two batteries, tweezers, nail clippers and plastic cutlery. Tools and an energy drink weren't taken. There were two theft incidents that day. This was on 15 March 2026.

My tent, which I had gotten from my storage unit, got stolen instantly and the used pop-up tent that I bought on Marktplaats was delivered to a different town.

We are living in an evil world, with networks like 764 (part of "the Com") and 4chan deliberately destroying people and women still being considered inferior and disbelieved.

Dutch police will have to sort this out. I cannot.

People like Manar (Stayokay Oost) and the guy at the laundromat who told me that when people take things from you it's a gift to yourself (zen) make me smile with gratitude, So do various others such as the woman who gave me a cheese-and-garlic roll on King's Day 2026.

As I have already mentioned, genuine kindness and normal human respect appears to come mostly from Muslims, I've noticed, not so much from whites. Particularly also from older Muslim women. They see a regular fellow human being when they look at me.

How come? They have their own experiences. Whites in the Netherlands cannot accept that street-homelessness particularly happens to capable, resourceful people. They need reasons to blame you just so that they can reassure themselves that something like that will never happen to them or to any of their loved ones.

One white Dutch woman believed that I had simply decided to start living in the bushes one day because of the associated sense of freedom. I was stunned and at a loss for words. She called me a zwerver.

There are over 11,000 homeless people in Amsterdam alone! Many of them are children.

(In Amsterdam, homeless people are legally obliged to sleep in front of shops etc, unsheltered. Tents for example aren't allowed. See video below.)

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My physical health and my looks (cleanliness) are now deteriorating as a result of the practical consequences of a recent torrent of hostilities and the cessation of steady monthly donations. Police and enforcement started hassling and chasing me.

I developed a painful bleeding foot... which wasn't necessary at all! (Bandaids and ointments aren't free.)

Here's a photo of my previous spot, after I had to leave the spot that I'd been in for a year. (Videos usually disappear off GoFundMe, unfortunately.) One day later, police and enforcement already started chasing me away here!

Yellow sock? Betadine.

One day after I moved to it, the city wanted me gone though nobody was bothered by me there. There were geese and there were other folks generally considered scum.

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I've obviously been penniless hence homeless for quite a while now. The learning curve was steep and I really wish that I knew what I know now back when this situation came about because that would mean that it would have been resolved by now.

Anyway, I was doing fine. Everything was looking up. I just needed to hang in there a little bit longer and then my Dutch and British pension payments would kick in and I could get my lump sum payment for my ABP pension.

I'd already survived for so long and was more than mid-way. Sure, I could do this. Sure, I was going to do this. I had it covered. Thanks also to the mysterious R XX, X R or whatever. I can be angry about the anonymity and lack of communication or I can just be grateful.

Those donations suddenly stopped in April 2026. My monthly wire payment from my cousin Pierre mysteriously stopped at the same time and he's not replying to emails.

As of approximately mid February mid March 2026 - something like that - locals had suddenly started targeting me and everything went pear-shaped soon. Did this start out with good intentions but biased belirfs? Or did people really believe that I am like a rat carrying the plague?

Weg moest ik, weg. De vuilnisbak in.

Machteloos ben je.

My situation has since deteriorated quite a lot.

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There no longer is room for anything else either.

I had for example been wanting to busk but also contemplating volunteering with geese for a while, in return for food and accommodation. I turn out to be quite fond of geese and have plenty of experience with various animals - from dogs and horses to cats and cattle - and certainly also with birds.

That got pushed to the background of my thoughts, also for financial reasons. You do sometimes need to be able to travel. You need to be able to pay your bills, too.

I had to ask someone for a personal loan. I hate having to beg people for money. I lost my clothes, my laundry bag, my shower bag, my tablet and lots and lots and lots more. I had to travel to Maastricht and back for a new DigiD.

While I have added food donations and other things paid for me by others to the total of the donation here, for maximum transparency, I cannot deduct costs incurred through interference from nasty folks. What happened was so vicious - and it hasn't stopped yet. I so hope that the police will be able to figure this out, also because it's quite scary to be targeted this viciously and personally.

I'm worried.

I'm facing having to sleep in front of a different shop front each night, getting filthier and filthier. You're not allowed to survive, let alone survive well. I'd be better off dead?

(Link to video)

I need that van very very very urgently now. It's a matter of pure survival now. Life or death. That is what they - City of Amsterdam people - keep telling me.

• You may also want to see this: Policy issues/research

"A horse, a horse, my Kingdom for a horse" were the famous last words of Richard III. A van, a van, my eternal gratitude for a van. Famous last words? Well, if it works, I can finally shut up and buzz off.

A van, a van, my eternal gratitude, for a van!

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TEXT BELOW IS NO LONGER UPDATED.

DE TEKST HIERONDER HOUD IK NIET MEER BIJ WEGENS LAPTOP GESTOLEN.

Dag,

Ik ben een 65-jarige, hoog opgeleide en capabele Nederlandse vrouw die in 2004 vanuit Amsterdam naar Engeland is verhuisd, eerder al ook vanwege haar carrière in de VS heeft gewoond en die recent wegens omstandigheden (gebrek aan financiën) in Nederland dakloos is geraakt. Dat betreft mijn thuisstad Amsterdam.

Dit is het soort situatie dat bijvoorbeeld iedere vrouw overkomt die wegens huiselijk geweld uit een andere stad met achterlating van alles weg vlucht en naar Amsterdam gaat omdat dat ooit haar thuisstad was, maar waar ze geen kennissen of vrienden meer heeft.

Je komt nergens voor in aanmerking, blijkt dan. Geen adres, geen bijstand en geen opvang ook al is je nog zoveel toegezegd.

Ik woon namelijk al sinds 2004 in Engeland. Dat schijnt de werkelijke reden te zijn dat mijn thuisstad Amsterdam, waar ik onder meer bij de VVV werkte, later ben gaan studeren, cum laude ben afgestudeerd en nog later ook mijn bedrijf ben begonnen, me nul op het rekest gaf toen ik om hulp vroeg.

Op grond daarvan informeerde het Leger des Heils me ruim een jaar geleden dat ik me bij de IND moest melden, daar in detentie moest gaan en me moest laten deporteren. Daar kon ik het mee doen. (Je zou dan meteen weer terug gedeporteerd worden, denk ik, en in precies dezelfde situatie belanden.)

Ik was toen in paniek omdat ik niet wist hoe ik met de vrieskou om moest gaan. Ik zat toen vaak hele nachten op een bankje buiten op het Timorplein want ik wist niet hoe makkelijk het is om tussen de struiken te overleven zolang je de politie en handhaving kunt omzeilen en van mij hadden ze later een jaar niet door dat mijn slaapplaats geen opslag voor tuinspullen was. Amsterdam hanteert een zero tolerance beleid naast het beleid om bijna iedereen die om hulp vraagt standaard af te wijzen.

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Hi.

I am a 65-year-old, highly educated and capable Dutch woman who moved from Amsterdam to England in 2004. I previously moved to the United States, also for my career. Due to circumstances (lack of finances), I recently became stuck and homeless in the Netherlands. This concerns my hometown in the Netherlands, Amsterdam.

This is the kind of situation that, for example, happens to any woman who flees from domestic violence from another city whether abroad or in the Netherlands, leaving everything behind, if she goes to Amsterdam because it was once her hometown, but where she no longer has any acquaintances or friends.

You turn out not to be eligible for anything. No official registered address (without which you do not have the right to exist in the Netherlands), no financial assistance, and no shelter. Even if they promised you that everything was going to be okay and that everything was going to be resolved on a particular date.

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Op 24 december 2024 zou ik de opvang ingaan, een adres krijgen en bijstand. Op 24 december 2024 werd me echter verteld dat ik nergens recht op had. Ik heb toen snel deze fundraiser opgezet om te overleven.

Als ik had geweten dat het heel makkelijk is om tussen de struiken te overleven als je maar weet hoe, had ik dat meteen gedaan en was ik pakweg vorige zomer al weggeweest, want er kwam helaas niet meteen maar in de loop van de tijd genoeg geld binnen. In plaats daarvan heb ik de eerste maanden mijn toevlucht genomen tot toeristenhostels. Dat vrat geld.

Ik moet nu zeer waarschijnlijk gewoon wachten tot ik mijn Engelse en Nederlandse pensioen kan ontvangen en mijn kleine ABP pensioen kan afkopen. De eerste pensioenbetalingen beginnen binnen een jaar binnen te komen.

Ik ben aan de VU op latere leeftijd cum laude in de aardwetenschappen afgestudeerd en was in Nederland onder meer bestuurslid van de Sectie Milieuchemie (en -toxicologie) van de KNCV.

Ik ben dus niet “aggelijk”. Ik ben niet verslaafd aan wat dan ook, heb geen alcoholprobleem, geen psychiatrische achtergrond, niets van dit alles. Ik ben een van de ruim 11.000 anderen in Amsterdam die geen vast adres hebben. Dat heb ik niet "gekozen". Het overkwam me en then you simply make the best of it, punt uit.

Maar dat laatste, dat mag dus niet.

Ik kon mij, wellicht mede doordat ik geoloog ben, goed redden en was al een jaar op dezelfde plek waar ik nauwelijks opviel (langs het spoor langs de Celebesstraat). Alles ging hartstikke goed. Ik kon me door die stabiliteit ook financieel steeds beter redden.

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On December 24, 2024, I was supposed to go into a shelter, get my address, and receive financial assistance. However, that became the day on which I was told that I was not entitled to anything. I then quickly set up this fundraiser in order to survive.

If I had known that it is actually quite easy to survive among the bushes if you know how, I would have done that immediately. In that case, I would have left already around last summer. You see, enough money came in over time — just not right away. Instead, the first few months I took refuge in tourist hostels. That drained my money.

I will most likely just have to wait until I can receive my English and Dutch pensions and get a lump sum payment for my small ABP pension. The first pension payments should start arriving within a year.

I went to university later in life, graduated cum laude in Earth Sciences from the VU. In the Netherlands I was, among other things, a board member of the Environmental Chemistry (and Toxicology) section of the Royal Dutch Chemical Society.

So I am not “a retard”. (There have been lots of sniggers and guffaws in the Celebesstraat/Bankastraat area.) I am not addicted to anything whatsoever, I do not have an alcohol problem, no psychiatric background—none of that.

I am one of more than 11,000 people in Amsterdam without a permanent address. I did not “choose” this. It happened to me, and then you simply make the best of it, full stop.

But this is not allowed.

Perhaps partly because I am a geologist, I was able to cope well and was in the same locatio for a year, well hidden among the surrounding green. I barely drew any attention. This was behind a garden along the railway near Celebesstraat. Everything was going very well. Thanks to that stability, I was also increasingly able to manage financially.

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Na een jaar me steeds beter (leercurve) te hebben kunnen redden, begon ik opeens opgejaagd te worden. Ik word overal verjaagd, alsof ik een rat ben die men het liefst wil doden maar dat nou net nog niet mag. Ik word op kosten gejaagd en het wordt me steeds moeilijker gemaakt om nog inkomen te genereren.

Sinds pakweg eind februari 2026 word ik in toenemende mate lastig gevallen, onder andere door met name een wijkagent die zichzelf Chris noemt. Hij wilde dat ik op mijn supergoed verborgen plekje langs het spoor langs de Celebesstraat weg ging, wat ik heb gedaan.

Sindsdien word ik met name door en via deze Chris en zijn collega's om ongeveer de twee dagen lastig gevallen. Hij zegt steeds dat ik dit en dat en zus en zo niet mag doen, maar moet altijd toegeven dat ik volledig in mijn recht sta. Zo zou ik de directie van de OBA niet mogen mailen. Pardon? Hij zit bovenop mijn social media en zanikt onder meer de hele tijd over een vrouw die een volwassen gehandicapte dochter heeft. Geen idee waarom.

Hij duikt nu om pakweg de twee dagen op ook op mijn nieuwe plek op waar helemaal niemand last van me heeft.

Op de Celebesstraatlocatie was er daarentegen een tuintje en waren er met name in de Bankastraat mensen die er niet mee wilden worden geconfronteerd dat Amsterdam ruim 11.000 mensen heeft die in fietsenstallingen en schuurtjes slapen waaronder heel veel kinderen en waarvan er ruim 1300 niet eens een schuurtje hebben maar geacht worden elke nacht voor een andere winkel te gaan liggen. Overleven, dat mag niet.

Een voorbeeld van een ander voorval is dat een duo agenten was verteld dat ik iemand de ochtend van 5 april 2026 iets had aangedaan, terwijl voor hen overduidelijk was dat ik gewoon had liggen slapen.

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After a year of managing better and better (a learning curve), I suddenly started getting chased away. I am now driven off everywhere, as if I were a rat that people would prefer to kill, but are not allowed to.

I am incurring unnecessary expenses and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to generate any income.

Since around the end of February 2026, police also increasingly started harassing me, particularly a neighborhood police officer who calls himself Chris. I have almost no information about him. One of his colleagues said that he started in the job only a few months ago and another one calls him "Christiaan". According to the police station where I believe he works from (Linneausstraat), he is based at Oost-Zeeburg. He wanted me to leave my very well-hidden spot along the railway near the Celebesstraat, which I did.

Since then, however, he still keeps harassing me, roughly every two days.

Among other things, he keeps telling me that I am not allowed to do this or that and the other, but always has to admit that I am entirely within my rights. For example, he claimed I was not allowed to email the management of the OBA (public library). Excuse me?

He monitors my social media and keeps going on about, among other things, a woman who has an adult disabled daughter. I have no idea why.

He now shows up about every two days at my new spot as well, where absolutely no one is bothered by me.

At the Celebesstraat location, on the other hand, there was a small garden, and especially in Bankastraat, there were people who did not want to be confronted with the fact that Amsterdam has more than 11,000 people who sleep in bicycle storage areas and sheds, including many children — and that more than 1,300 of them do not even have a shed but are expected to lie down in front of a different shop every night. It ate away at their sense of security too much that an educated, highly intelligent woman was in this type of situation.

Survival is not allowed.

An example of one incident is that a pair of police officers woke me up at 7 in the morning on April 5, 2026 (8am DST, but we had only just switched to DST). They had been told that I had done something to someone, while it was completely obvious to them that I had simply been asleep.

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Ik woon formeel in Engeland. Daar word je in tegenstelling tot in Nederland niet na drie maanden al illegaal. Ik héb gewoon nog steeds de post-Brexit settled status.

Ik wil Nederland zo snel mogelijk weer uit, maar niet op een manier die mijn spoedige dood verzekert.

Waarom ik weg wil?

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I am formally resident in England. Unlike in the Netherlands, you do not become “illegal” there after three months, so I still have post-Brexit settled status.

I want to leave the Netherlands again as soon as possible, but not in a way that would ensure my imminent death.

Why do I want to leave?

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For the record, I have tried to negotiate with the city of Amsterdam, tried to create a win-win situation, but they are of the opinion that I am not really a human being. They treat me like I am a naughty 4-year-old who must be disciplined.

Another issue is that if you prove that you really have no money, you're both suspected of committing fraud and suspected of being learning-disabled or having dementia (with the threat of loss of control over your life that this entails). Damned if you do damned if you don't.

And I am not even HRH Princess Laurentien who can't handle Dutch civil servants either.

Here are links to pages with more information:

• Amazon author profile

• Civil servant abuse

• Fundraiser text including images 24 May 2025

• Fundraiser text including images 20 November 2025

• Fundraiser text including images 18 February 2026

• Policy issues/research

• Something really stupid that I did

• Van life

• Website

PS

I'm also receiving emails from a (junior) lawyer at the City of Amsterdam who appears to be confusing me with someone else - or two different people, perhaps - but refuses to show me the documentation on the basis of which he claims to be saying all sorts of things. (He sounds like a bit of a nutcase, frankly.) But get this: WHEN I TRIED CALLING HIM, THE PHONE NUMBER TURNED OUT NOT TO EXIST! (He'd blocked me, as it turned out.)

What is going on here?

Just like in Portsmouth, I'm unable to reach anyone.