A few days ago, I said goodbye to Trudy, a quasi-reliable 1991 Ford Falcon rental that drove like a boat in high wind. With just me, Trudy, 3 stuffed animals that resemble dogs I care for very much, and WAY too many personal items, across the US we teetered along for two months. At times I was scared. I was lonely. I felt abandoned and unsupported. I had long bouts of depression and doubt and self-pity. But those backroads that took me to desert campsites and Walmart parking lots and rest stops and friends and family to New York and back began to help me see why I had chosen to leave the security of the Hollywood Hills where I fought for my life and mobility.
All that time spent reclaiming my body, I now needed to be equally devoted to strengthening my emotional and mental health. Having that understanding helped me frame what I need from the rest of this sabbatical: getting a van and exploring this country while seeking out communities that support the process of growing from trauma. For me, this includes retreat centers, trauma programs, queer healers, creatives and spiritual leaders. And I can’t wait to honestly share in the process and heal with you all along for the ride through writings, discussions and quirky videos (and maybe an interpretive dance or two).
So here I am, two months down on a 6 month journey. And, on this Feast of Saint Rocque, I have a clear purpose but am at an obvious impasse. With no vehicle, apartment, and having run out of savings and surviving on donations from generous loved ones, I am humbly asking for your help. This is not an easy thing to ask, but I have started to realize sharing your vulnerability with others is exactly when radical change begins to occur for everyone involved.
I have set up this GoFundMe page in supporting a van purchase, travel expenses and welcome all input on retreats for trauma throughout the country as well as queer spiritual leaders and healers, and how best to highlight and share with you along the way. I love you, and thank you for all the ways you have supported me throughout; I truly can’t wait to see how the next step of this journey unfolds for us all.