Our son, brother, uncle, nephew and grandson River, sadly lost his battle with depression and took his own life at only 30 years young on the 13th January 2023. Over the last two years, Riv overcame so many hurdles without any professional support, however, the sad truth is he wore a smile that fooled everyone into believing life was getting better for him.

We cannot even begin to imagine how truly alone Riv felt in trying to escape his own thoughts, which ultimately became all-consuming. Riv was so kind to everyone he met because he knew what rock bottom was as well as what it was like to feel as though you have nothing! Riv was a steel erector working at great heights up and down the country. We know that, as hard as we tried, Riv did not reach out for the support he so desperately needed; it's our view that this was because of the stigma that surrounds not only mental illness but also, how this relates to sex and employability. Riv felt that having a diagnosis and needing medication to manage this would impact his ability to continue doing the one thing that brought him the most happiness, his job! For us, it's simply devastating. It seems Riv's employment also acted as a barrier to him agreeing to professional interventions such as therapy, which could have helped him to change his thinking, allowed him to talk in a safe space about his feelings and, perhaps, left him feeling a little less alone.

It truly breaks us that, as Riv's family, we were not able to save him from himself. Riv was trapped in his own mind and unable to escape his thoughts around there being no hope for him, or that things could be any different; he simply thought nothing would ever change! Riv described feeling as though he was "a burden on everyone... things just go from bad to worse... I cause myself so many problems and I don't even mean to". It's scary when you know what a smile can hide!

Leading up to Riv's death, we were of the opinion that he was making significant improvements; he seemed to be more present in the moment, to be more relaxed and he was talking about his future ambitions. We now know the reality; Riv had got better at hiding how he was really feeling. Riv was forever comparing himself to others who were the same age and this led to him viewing himself as a failure. Riv wanted to find and settle down with the love of his life, to buy a house and to have children of his own. He struggled to come to terms with the fact that he had wasted so much of his hard-earned money on alcohol and illicit substances to cope with his unbearable feelings of loneliness; this was Riv's biggest regret alongside some of his other life choices, which would eat away at him. Riv placed such high expectations on himself to do and be better, and so, when things were not progressing at the pace he wanted them to, Riv would place additional pressure on himself.

Mental ill-health does not discriminate, it doesn't care for your age, your sex or who you are and can deeply affect any one of us. Sadly, we know mental illnesses will continue to destroy lives and families every day, but, the invisibility of these perhaps makes it easier for people to push back on the seriousness of mental ill-health. "The pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it, and it kills in many instances because its anguish can no longer be borne. The prevention of many suicides will continue to be hindered until there is a general awareness of the nature of this pain." - William Styron

River's loss has left us devastated and we feel a need to contribute to the breaking down of the stigma surrounding male mental ill-health and the barriers this stigma creates. We therefore will be challenging ourselves to complete the Lyke Wake Walk in 24 hours, or less, on the 27th May 2023 to raise money for ANDYSMANCLUB. This is a 40-mile walk across the North York Moors National Park.

ANDYSMANCLUB is a male suicide prevention charity who were established in 2016 after the tragic loss of Andrew Roberts to suicide at age 23. ANDYSMANCLUB facilitates non-professional peer-to-peer support groups across the UK and Scotland for any man over 18 to attend. ANDYSMANCLUB provide a confidential, non-judgemental space for men to come together to chat about anything that they would like to get off of their chest. There is no waiting list, no referral needed and no signing-in process.

Our hope is that donations will help to support this amazing charity as well as raise awareness of the help available from ANDYSMANCLUB, which could prevent the loss of another life and, in turn, another family experiencing the bereavement of a loved one to suicide like ourselves.