I’ve been very reluctant to make this gofundme because I don’t want it to seem like I’m asking for handouts. I am strongly independent and in an ideal world I would’ve liked to save for this completely by myself, but with the state of the world right now thats not an option, and I’m getting desperate.

For my birthday, instead of getting me anything, I’m asking anyone who can afford to help contribute so I can get enough funds to be able to pay for my top surgery.

The necessary, life saving surgery I need in order to be at peace within myself, to not wake up wanting to tear what I see in the mirror apart, to be able to properly look at myself without breaking down and wanting to end it all.

I have been saving for many years, and I currently have just under half the amount I need to pay for it, and although I wont have an exact total figure until I have my consultation, I know it is at LEAST $12,000+. The cost of the consultation appointment itself is $300.

As of now in 2026 there is still no public system that manages surgical procedures for transgender people in SA at all, and although its been talked about, it most likely wont be even STARTED to be formed until 2028+ (even thats wishful thinking).

That is not an option for me. I have waited since i was 11 for this, when I first realised I’m a man.

There are no medical grants, no loans, nothing I can do to make it cheaper except get private health cover. However the level that you have to have to cover the surgery and its fees I cannot afford to pay for for the (at least) 1+ year before I’m able to use it, PLUS there is still a gap to pay regardless.

I’ve been pushing myself and burning myself out physically, mentally, and emotionally just to hold down a job and work to get the money for this, and I don’t know how much longer I can do it.

Going through puberty was the worst thing to ever happen to me and it ruined my life. It took my teenage years away from me, and all the times I should’ve been out and having fun with friends and making memories, I was miserable and suffering. Either in hospital or in some form of intensive mental health treatment, just to stay alive. If you know me closely, you know why.

I still grieve my teenage years now. I wish things could’ve been different.

Getting this surgery is the only chance I have to rebuild my life, and for it to be worth living. I wish I was exaggerating. I mean this when I say this is something that basically boils down to having a will to live or not.

And before anyone mentions it, no, I wont regret this. I won’t regret something I’ve desperately wished for for over a decade. The regret rate for transition and ANY transgender surgery is less than 1%. Having a child has a 7% regret rate. A knee replacement has between 6-30% regret rate. Across ALL types of surgery the regret rate is 14%.

You might not understand why this is so important and means so much to me, and if you’re not trans yourself then I don’t expect you to understand the feeling and how debilitating it is, but I hope you take me seriously when I say for me its this serious, and i’m not being dramatic.

No amount is too small, I am incredibly grateful for anything and everything, and if you can’t donate thats okay too, I appreciate your time.

Thank you for reading.

Marshall