Support an Up and Coming Author...Mum of 2 SEN Kids & 2 Cats

EDIT: If you haven't got time to read (I know it's long!):

Then here's the JIST of it: I really need your help. And IF you would buy me a COFFEE or a DRINK if we met up...then please could you donate it here? It would really help me. And I promise I'll get you back some day :-)

Please know that it's not easy for me to ask for help but I've created this page because it's an emergency appeal - my life's been completely burned to the ground this past year and I'm now drowning in debt and struggling to look after myself and my kids & pay my bills. If you can help even just a little, I'm grateful.

PS BE CAREFUL as this platform adds TIPS & fees so double check (I think you can remove tips or decrease). I also get fees applied on my end for withdrawals...if you prefer to do direct donation pls get in touch.

THANKS, I appreciate you stopping by.

MERCI de visiter ma page et de me lire - je vous aime x

xxx

***

:-) Hiyaaaaaaa...

Hi Everyone, thanks for being here...

Thank you for supporting an up and coming author. I'm going to be a BEST SELLING AUTHOR and you'll be so proud of yourself for being a benefactor and a supporter from the beginning. You'll be telling your friends: 'I believed in her and supported her before she was big you know!'

I'm here because...well, I'm looking for my tribe to help support me! I need help.

You're here because...

Or...

THE EXECUTIVE SUMMARY (I'm calling it a Summary...but it's so...LONG still!):

I'm looking for help, BENEFACTORS, to help me survive and get out of the hole I'm in whilst I finish writing my first book.

Every contribution made here will help me avoid slipping further into debt, survive day to day life as a single parent household with my 2 SEN children...whilst I fulfil my life's mission: Finishing this book!

A cup of Coffee?

I'm in such a financial pickle that in an ideal world I need BIG donations. Some millionaire philanthropists to stumble on my page, take an interest and donate big! Because it would be like peanuts to them, right?

The reality is I know it's going to be whatever people can afford. And I understand that. I understand everyone's going through it at the moment with the rising cost of living...so I want to say this:

Why am I doing this...in THIS way?

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

Read on if you want the full story but basically, I left my job at a (top tier) Bank September last year after suffering extreme bullying for a sustained period of time. It went on for nearly a year. A YEAR.

I nearly lost my mind. In fact, maybe I did!

SIDE BAR: I'd like to add at this point that just before I left said top tier bank, whilst I was on gardening leave, I mustered up all the courage I had left and I raised 2 whistleblowing cases. I raised 2 reports against the bank for bullying / sexual discrimination and toxic behaviour:

As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “Develop enough courage so that you can stand up for yourself and then stand up for somebody else.”

And that's what I did.

I reviewed the Code of Conduct and I went through everything that happened. No, I wasn't crazy. I wasn't overly sensitive. The behaviour I was calling out stood in sharp contrast with the 'supposed' values of the bank. I outlined the timeline of everything that happened. It was so hard dredging all that up. I named the perpetrators and I named all the victims. Those were the words used on the whistleblowing report fields...

Perpetrators. Victims.

Perpetrators. Victims.

Putting it all in writing and reading it in black and white was SHOCKING. Hitting 'SUBMIT' on those forms was really emotional. But I knew I had to do it.

I've only recently had the inclination and the desire to log onto that whistleblowing portal to see the outcome. In actual fact, my mental health hasn't been good. For nearly a year now, I've been operating on a semi automatic pilot just trying to survive and look after my kids whilst my mental health has been SHOT. I've had PTSD from it all. From processing everything. I just couldn't face logging onto the whistleblowing portal and even reading about it.

But now I finally have. I logged on a few weeks ago (May 2025). The relief I felt when I read the outcome has given me confidence to carry on with my journey and talk about it.

It said that an investigation had taken place and that evidence was found to "support the allegations I made".

It also said that 'This behaviour was unacceptable'. And "although appropriate actions were taken we are unable to go into detail about these".

(BTW I don't believe much would have happened - because the way I see it the bank is marking its own homework...At this point though...the outcome of the report is enough for me)

The feeling...of...relief...

This behaviour was unacceptable.

I LOVED seeing that in black in white.

I CRIED.

I read it over and over and over.

Validation...of sorts.

This behaviour was unacceptable.

This behaviour was unacceptable.

This behaviour was unacceptable.

F.ckin right it wasn't! I didn't deserve that. None of my colleagues deserved that. To be treated like shit?...on a daily basis? Just for doing our jobs? Just for trying to do our jobs?

It's not acceptable, under any circumstances. Whatever the industry. And I'm so glad I stood up for what was right.

(CLOSING SIDE BAR!)

So when all of this happened:

Whilst looking for jobs...I started writing again...

But in summary...nothing has worked in terms of finding a job in my field or other industries. Hundreds of job applications later...still nothing...

I got close a few times. For some job applications, I had 3 rounds of interviews. I even had 4th round interviews for a few. I DID get close...

'It's between you and another person', they'd say.

'We'll let you know'.

But No. They never did let me know.

No BUENO.

I kept applying for jobs, thinking something would happen.

Even junior roles. Different industries.

Even now, I still do it. I apply for loads of jobs...

Nothing.

(The Universe says 'Nope'...)

Truth be told, I'm in the shit now!

Now it's clear. After 10 months...There's nothing else I can do. I am drowning in financial debt. I need to ask for help. From someone. From *Anyone*. That's the lesson of the last year or so.

"Ask for help and show some vulnerability..."

And what I've learned is that when I show vulnerability, it's actually more relatable than always appearing to have it all together. When you show vulnerability, you give others permission to show vulnerability as well. There's power in it.

SO HERE I AM.

HELPPPPPPP if you can :-)

I've been to hell and back these past 10 months .

But to clarify...it's not like I've been idle. I wish I could say I was under a duvet watching Netflix. That's probably what I needed after the PTSD of what happened at work. But no, it's not what I did! I haven't been idle.

I've been looking for jobs, applying, interviewing...

I'm setting everything up for my new business but it's going to take a while for it to monetise. The reality is I still need help to get back on my feet. Actually it's worse than that. I need help to just survive day-to-day. Month to month. Until I get back on my feet.

So in reality it's:

Step 2: Get back on my Feet.

Step 1 (now) is basically: Survive each month. Look after my kids. Get through each month & pay (rising) bills. Not into further financial difficulty / not lose my house or slip further into debt.

I now know what it's like to really struggle. I've struggled to buy food these past few months. That's never happened to me before (I'm very humbled and grateful as I think back on that). I've been in such a bad place I've even had to buy food on credit cards (I know that's stupid!!! But it was my only option...).

Now my credit cards are maxed out...I can't even do that!

SO here I am.

I'm trying as best I can. 1 day at a time. But I need to reduce stress and my financial worries so I can focus on the writing and the creativity required to finish this book.

Every donation, no matter how small, helps me continue on this journey.

Until I...

I’d be so grateful if you could click the link below to donate - anything you can afford will be happily received.

That's it. Thank you.

x

MORE?

You want MORE?

WHAT?

WHAaaaaaTTTTT?

I feel I've been babbling on for ages already....!!!

There is more. The e full story is LONG. Very very long...

THE FULL MONTY

...I don't mind sharing MORE...for those that want to read on. Also because the more I talk about my story, the more healing it is. And the more I talk about my life and what I've experienced, the more I realise it was a lot. And I know if can help to speak about these things. I realise someone might recognise themselves in this. My story might help people that have gone through something similar. My story might help someone feel less alone...

So I've carried on writing more details...

It's long because...I feel like...I can't ask for help without giving the back story...it's TOO HARD for me to ask for help...I'm broken that way. (I'm healing that :-))

Now I need so much help that I'm like...SOS SOS SOS!!!

F.ck. F.ck. F.ck.

F.ck. F.ck. F.ck.

Simply put, I'm drowning. These past 18 months and especially these past 12 months my life's been totally redefined.

My old life has been burned to the ground.

You don't know until it happens to you...until your whole life gets burned to the ground. And you CAN'T EXPLAIN IT

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Do you believe we all have a purpose?

Do you believe in destiny? Do you believe in fate?

I NOW TRULY believe it's my life's purpose to finish this book. And it' NOT for ME. It's to help OTHERS.

I started writing this book A LONG TIME AGO.

Some years ago. Actually, it was...

...25 years ago.

YES...25 YEARS AGO.

I was first on this path of being a published author all those years ago. I started writing...

Then...life happened :-) Life got in the way. After I finished Uni, I was rushed into thinking 'I need to find a job to pay the bills'.

When my life exploded I found myself by chance in a shop where I enquired about Reiki. I had never had it before and I thought it would help me process the stress of everything that happened. The Reiki Lady I went to see said that everything happens for a reason. She told me she thought I had been been removed from my industry. That I'm not a good fit for that industry. That it's too toxic for me. That's it's not suited to me and my personality. That my gifts are not used as they should. That I've been placed on this different path on purpose...

All of this happened so that that I would have no choice but to do it:

Reflecting back on my book and my journey as an author, I actually think I needed to experience more and suffer more to understand the book 'end to end'. That's probably why I shelved that part of my life for all those years. I didn't know how to wrap up the ending with the middle bit. Now I know.

Every experience, every hardship, every struggle has shaped me into the person I needed to be to WRITE this book authentically...with my heart and my soul.

So...this journey I've been on...

The past few years...I've lost nearly everything.

I lost my job, my career, my 'identity', my personality, my ego.

All my savings.

My financial prospects.

And seemingly...even my earning capabilities???

Here's what I think (and this Reiki Lady also agrees....):

I believe I'm following the path that's been laid out for me...I also want to gather emotional support as well.

NEW PATH, NEW ALIGNMENT

After experiencing extreme bullying it was clear I needed to find a better path so that I could reduce the amount of stress in my life.

I needed to do this for my own mental health and to better support my 2 kids, who have additional needs.

Both my boys are amazing human beings. But they face daily challenges. The levels of stress I experienced in this job while trying to be a Mum and just support my kids through every day life were crazy. And not sustainable.

So I had a complete reshift.

'Adapt or DIE', as an Old Manager used to say.

In parallel to dedicating more time to writing my book, I decided to look at options to do something that would be more fulfilling. More worthwhile.

In my work these past few years I've been an 'Implementation Manager' and as a by product an 'Issue Manager'; helping review and resolve technology issues. Often quite complex issues. Under pressure.

I've always been good at that...I was thinking it's jut a shame it's in an industry where you get criticised even when you do a good job. In complex implementations, even in situations when we would solve 99 issues out of 100...we would be asked 'why the hell is that 1 issue still not resolved?' ...

It's like...it's never enough. You never really get praise. Just more criticism', my therapist used to say. 'When will you feel good enough in this job'?...

I was thinking about that when everything exploded. I looked at various options and eventually I decided to retrain. I decided to do a Life Coaching Diploma so that I could help other people reach their goals in a positive setting. I decided to become a Business Mentor and a Mindset Coach. This is a way that I can help people reach their goals in a creative way, with a positive outcome.

So I started that diploma in October 2024.

Whilst studying, finishing up my first book has refocused me and given me a sense of joy and purpose.

And I'm so happy making a positive impact on people's lives.

Most of all, this past year, I've reconnected with myself.

I've realised I need to embody a softer version of my self. I cannot entertain negative energies anymore. This work...this industry...this stress...20 years...No.

I want to live more authentically.

Happy! Joyful!

Not in a job that stresses me out daily and sucks the joy out of my life!

In reality I can't be consumed by this job, this industry anymore. It's too much and it's too to stressful. I need to be a Mum first...

MY BOYS, MY PURPOSE

On TOP of everything else, or maybe the most important thing of all...

.....is the fact that my boys both have additional needs. Every day brings its own challenges.

I'm not going to lie, life sometimes feels hard. It always has been, I guess. But the difference is now, I don't have the headspace to do that AND have a stressful job *anymore*. It nearly broke me. (I guess it DID - haha).

I reflect now and I think that my mission and purpose here is to be the best 'Mummy' I can be and help them navigate this world.

It's not been easy; this world is not built for them. There are daily issues. Anxiety. Medical meetings. Meetings at school. Mountains of paperwork. Daily challenges. Lack of sleep. And everything else in between.

I thought the last 10 years were particularly hard.

Now I realise the next 10 years are going to be harder (fuuuuucckkkkk).

As their challenges are different now, but not easier.

(I'll be a best selling author soon, so I can manage ;-))

IT'S A LOT.

Simply put:

I cannot continue in the same career and look after my boys in the way that I need to.

I've been fighting this. I've been trying. To find a job. To carry on. Because it's what I'm good at.

But when I try, something happens to humble me...to show me:

NO. JUST NO.

With the head injury, I feel it was like the Universe was saying:

NO BUENO.

For all those years I held down this stressful career. But to say that my life and job have been stressful would be an understatement....but it's just what I did. What I had to do.

Now the Universe is saying NO.

NO BUENO.

'But WHYyyyyy....!!!???

I kinda (kinda) like my job! I've been doing it for sooooo long. And I'm SO GOOD at it'.

'Look how well I've done', I bargain with the Universe some days. I PERSEVERED...I made it'.

...'In a 'man's world'...!!! EVEN AS A MUM'...

But it seems the Universe is saying NO.

Use your gifts in a different way. To help others instead.

It's true that in every day life...I've always helped people.

I used my skills of 'problem solving' to build a career in banking where I could help solve complex pieces of analysis or help sort out technology issues. Under pressure. (Thank you, ADHD :-))

I just carried on. I was kidding myself that 'it was all fine'. For years.

IT WASN'T. Not really.

Not as a Mum.

...IT ALL CAME CRASHING DOWN

In the aftermath of COVID, things crumbled even further, bit by bit.

First, a breast cancer scare (I'm fine, but it put things into perspective). Then my separation from the Dad of my kids. And through that, my eldest developed crippling OCD. He got to the point where it was so bad he struggled to leave the house, wouldn't eat and barely drank. It was a terrible time, trying to support him through that. He lost weight at an alarming rate and that's the only reason we were able to get some emergency help from CAMHS. Eventually he got better but it's still a condition that we have to manage carefully to avoid a relapse.

Thinking back to that period, It was awful.

I had to just carry on though, keep going at work.

Even though my whole life fell apart.

But I put it back together. Bit by bit.

And then when I felt like things were sort of back on track after working hard the past few years...things got tricky at work again...

...a storm blew in on this Programme I was working on...

....ALL the PROBLEMS I've ever encountered in this industry and this career wrapped into ONE PERSON.

Narcissist.

Abusive. Both verbally and emotionally.

Incompetent, Unprofessional.

With his 2 sidekicks: 2 toxic, moody cows.

A team of Dementors.

After me. Daily....

and...well you know the ending.

Now...

I'm busy rebuilding myself.

I'm surrendering. I'm doing what feels right. Intuitive.

And I'm asking for help.

From the Universe.

From you.

I'm still applying for jobs (I like a good Excel log! And I KNOW I could do most of these jobs with my eyes closed!)...

...but I know now my true calling is to finish my book and finish setting up my business.

I just got a part time job serving coffee at a coffee shop in my town. It's not much, but it's something...& it's helping me build a routine and rebuild my mental health.

Let's be honest though...it's not helping much to pay the bills. And it's not going to get me out of the hole I'm in...so I'm still asking for help.

Have you seen that movie American Beauty? That's how I feel!!!

American Beauty Synopsis: Stressed out, the main character quits his high flying job to work at McDonald's. Because he can't take it anymore. He doesn't want to *think*, stress or deal with bastards every day...

He says it's bliss...and...

...Now that I've left work and I work in a coffee shop, I can relate! Well it's not bliss, but let's just say it's not the same stress.

At this part time job, I'm at the till taking orders, I'm serving coffee, I'm doing the dishes...

It's a nice coffee shop on the sea front. Everyone seems happy. It's a dog friendly coffee shop...

People come in after being on the beach. With their dogs.

HAPPY.

Chilled.

Pleasant.

And the work?

HA.

So I'm following this path.

And I'm following my beliefs.

My previous life was NOT aligned with my beliefs.

And that's what I'm doing too.

Building a Life I love.

I'm confident this path is more aligned with my true self.

Thank you for reading me.

And thank you for helping me.

Thank you for helping me to carry on on my path.

I'm off - I need to go focus on my writing. To get my book over the line. And become a BEST SELLING AUTHOR.

Thank you for your help and encouragement.

LOVE TO YOU ALL

PS: It goes without saying but if you have millionaire philanthropists or rich oligarchs in your network, send this link to them ploiiiiise? :-)

HA x

PPS: For anyone wondering...

NO. They didn't fuck.n deliver.

That bully and his team.

THEY WERE NEVER going to deliver. Their plan was flawed. They were incompetent. They were cowboys. And they had bad leadership.

Game Over.

NO BUENO.

I'm so thankful to everyone for the support.

#ADHD #autism #TDAH

NOTE: I've now found out you need to be LOGGED ON to your GO FUND ME account to be able to leave words of support...and even then, it's a little broken and you can't really write much...mmm...that's not good...Sorry about this glitch. But please know that I appreciate the support and the positive vibes.

MERCI de visiter ma page et merci de votre soutien - je vous aime x