Hi friends. 

In about a month, July 8th, I'm having Facial Feminization Surgery. This is the last of the three major gender-affirming surgeries I've been working toward. I need two things from the people who love me: financial help to cover five weeks of lost income while I recover, and friends in the DC area willing to check in on me in the days right after surgery.

I know that's a lot to ask, especially from so many of you who showed up for me leading up to bottom surgery last September. Thank you, I wouldn't be here without you. 

Why now?

My original plan was to have FFS this winter or next, timed so it wouldn't touch my kayaking season. Then the election happened. Watching the administration's attacks on trans rights, I realized I was genuinely afraid that if I kept waiting, this surgery might no longer be an option. That fear clarified something: this surgery matters to me more than I'd let myself acknowledge.  

Why this surgery? 

There's no required order to gender-affirming care. You don't need surgery at all to be trans. But for me, having my body reflect who i am is a necessity, not optional. FFS has scared me the most, which is exactly why it's been last. It's my face with fifty years of history in it. I wanted to first be able to answer the question who am I before changing the face that looks back at me. Here's what I know: I am already beautiful. This isn't about beauty. It's about no longer seeing a man in the mirror. This surgery is about letting her fully blossom.

The financial gap

Because my bottom surgery was only nine months ago, I've used all my leave, short-term disability, and employer benefits. My job is giving me unpaid medical leave, which I'm grateful for, but that means five weeks with no income. 

 The surgery itself is fully covered by insurance. The surgeon is Dr. Kuperstock, about 20 minutes outside of Washington DC in Fairfax, VA. Friends are graciously lending me their DC home for the first two weeks of recovery. What I need help with is the gap in between to cover co-pays, medications, medical supplies, transportation, and food while I'm unable to work.

Being present

The first few days post-surgery, I'll be on serious pain medication, my vision will be impaired, and I'll barely be able to talk. I'll look like someone symmetrically rearranged my face with a baseball bat. The emotional weight of those first two weeks is real and hard. I also need friends who can be with me for a few hours a day, not to do anything heroic, just to be there. 

I've set up this GoFundMe for financial support and a MealTrain for scheduling visits and meal drop-offs. MealTrain makes it easy to sign up for a time slot and see what meals others are already bringing. The MealTrain link will come a bit closer to the surgery date. 

I know times are tight for many of us. I don't ask easily. But I have to ask. Thank you for seeing me, all of me.  

With love, Kay