May all your strays show up with trust funds or offshore bank accounts...his big asset is diarrhea. We're working to manage that portfolio.

We have been the proud owners of 4 indoor rescue cats for many years. The other night, an adorable bony, flea-covered, 3-month-old kitten showed up on our porch at 9 PM singing cat opera. This lad purrs non-stop, makes biscuits, and eats like a tourist at a Vegas buffet. His name is Bert.

There are no guarantees of us finding him the right home, since there's hardly a shortage of charming kittens in town. In the meantime, we've taken him to the vet for all the tests, swabs, panels, worm and flea killers, chronic runs. Don't be jealous, but I'm giving him medical baths every three days. Anti-vaxxers, please breathe deep bc those are in process. Soon, microchipping! And then in 3 months he'll be parting ways with his man jewels. A moment of silence: #NeverForgetHuevos

We didn't expect a Shakespearean drama of a kitten to show up...but we couldn't let him stay outside when coyotes roam our mean streets and people drive like crackheads.

We've been able to keep this chap in a room away from our sparkling clean and non-cootied kitties until he's completely medically cleared.

No pressure at all – these are not happy, thriving times and if you can send good vibes only, I'll take them all happily.

Thank you all from Bert and us. He sure likes to spend.