Der’k Needs Help

“Please, PLEASE don’t let me die today”

I don’t remember who I said that to in the trauma unit at NUMC. I was in and out of consciousness. But I remember thinking - this can’t be it.

I work my butt off. I know more about every damn medical journal publication, clinical trial, medication than any one person should ever have to. And I still can’t breathe.

As of this writing, I have $34 to my name. I have $184 in my FSA after getting my meds today, and my recent hospital stay will be $400 alone. Not counting the $50 copay to see my lung doctor Tuesday.

I’m going to be out of work for a few weeks after this. Last paycheck I got only 70% of my check because I had no more sick time/PTO because of my health. Once I go on disability they make you take an unpaid (!) waiting week. And then you wait to be paid. And wait. Last year it took nearly 10 weeks for my first paycheck.

I am embarrassed. I am mortified. We’re in a f**king pandemic. How do I ask for help? Where does help even come from? We’re at the point that, in order to be able to afford medication, we have to crowd source. Even when we’re EMPLOYED.

My heart hurts. My pride is in tatters. But because I’m employed I don’t qualify for any assistance programs.

THIS is healthcare in America. Our insurance companies wait for us to die so they can just cross us off the list.

I will NOT. To quote Cher: “You haven’t seen the last of me”. ❤️