Family Legal Defense

I'm a soon-to-be single father that's come to learn that my wife has been secretly saving in order to leave, while I've barely managed to keep us above water these past few months. As opposed to being my real partner. I was an IT professional for many years and my employment story in this Covid-19 mess has become a classic one - initially furloughed, then let go a few months ago. I began to draw unemployment whilst seeking a new position or form of self-employment. Prior to the workplace and societal meltdown known as 'Covid-19', I've been gainfully employed and have paid 100% percent of our family's rent, all household utilities, our two cell phones under one account, etc. I've done nearly all family grocery shopping solo all this time, and covered nearly all home supplies, property maintenance, etc. for 5 whole years. In addition to my own vehicle and expenses. I've personally paid for and executed all repairs maintenence of her vehicle(s), all these years. The above family expenses that do not include those unique to me (ie vehicle), amount to about $2,300 monthly. More, now accounting for what will be half of our daughter's schooling. We've co-mingled, but have separate finances which use to include mutual agreement of who's covering what. She's covered our daughter's weekly school/daycare fees while I've covered most else. She pays for our daughter's school tuition (now Kindergarten) and her own vehicle, insurance, credit cards, etc. and for some activities. She prepares our daughter for school three days per week, and two weekly pickups from school, as her workplace is about 3 miles away from it. We have no shared property. The condensed version of our story goes like this: I met her in mid-2013 when we began seeing each other casually, and after a few months, she informed me that she was pregnant, but unfortunately uncertain if the child was mine. I assumed responsibility for my child under the assumption he or she was mine, as I felt it in my heart, and that was the right thing to do until if/when I came to learn otherwise. In early winter of 2013 I asked her to marry me, and she accepted my proposal. We were initially engaged for less than a month when an upset caused her to leave, presumably pregnant with my child. That upset was born of me, after I was publicly insulted by someone she considered as family. Fast forward into 9-12 months of agony. I pled for her return, and for us to become a family. I offered to become a family, even not knowing for certain the child was my own. Preparing myself to take care of them, even if I came to learn later the child was not of my blood. I intended to raise the child as my own. I wasn't going to be the kind of man that would take such a step, and then later disavow them. I retained a lawyer as early as I could afford to. But there was little to do, until our child was born. During these months we had only sporadic communication via e-mail. She denied the prospect of my paternity when it suited, but also claimed it, when it suited. There was no 'harassment', but her attorney attempted to protray any attempts at communication with her from me, as such. For later use against me. I worked hard during this time and acquired a house with clean wood and tile floors suitable for a growing baby, expansive backyard and a room for her in which to grow in my loving household. Acting like a MAN who is expecting a child. Fast forward approximately six months. My attorney shared a communication with me from the opposing counsel: "The child has been born." Nothing more, nothing less. She didn't even disclose to me, herself. They refused to disclose the day that she was born. My child was now alive and in the world, and had been for two whole weeks. Her attorney refused any movement or disclosures, at all. I was devastated. That short statement was meant for my torment. On my request, my attorney prepared a 'Jane Doe' order for paternity test, not even knowing her name or birthdate. They would not disclose her name, birthday or other vital information. They simply dangled the hurtful one liner, "The child has been born." Then ceased communication. I submitted my DNA for a test weeks prior to her showing up to do so, herself. My paternity was absolutely confirmed. This was my daughter. We filed immediate request for visitation and of course initial support order, initiated by me. My daughter was over two months old before I was allowed by court order to be with her. My first glimpse of my daughter was from the photo taken of her by the manager of the testing facility, as she was aware I was desperately seeking my child, and was of my initiative. She sent me the first photo of my little girl with her mother, as soon as she realized the test was positive. My first glimpse of my daughter wasn't granted by her mother. But someone else with a heart. My 'visitation' and 'parenting time' began, with the child I was originally preparing to raise alone, if proved necessary. Her attorney drafted countless frivolous motions during this time against me in an attempt to generate a false impression of me on paper. Constantly seeking new ways to bleed me while I was trying to stay above water and take care of my child. Never a missed pickup, nothing but love and care for my little one. The months passed, my beautiful daughter grew. She's so amazing! I nurtured her while with me no less so than would a loving and attentive mother. I taught her to walk, and beheld her first steps, in my home. And many other firsts. Months past while my substantial savings were frittered away in defending against frivolous motions and the charges incurred from my own attorney necessarily having to 'answer' those unjust actions. This process was designed to portray me as being unable to care for our daughter independently. I was reaching my end, by their design. I can't say how much she motivated the attorney to do himself, or how much she just passively allowed him to attack me. Never was really known. After a few more months of this, I managed to save enough money to initiate a trial, preceded by an evidentiary hearing to share our story which I've tried to codense, here. All events between us and communications would be on exhibit for all to see. But it became clear it would be the only way to show the truth. Trial date was set. On the morning of trial, her and her attorney dropped their guns and offered what I sought all along - equality. Joint Legal Custody, with Joint Residency. No child support in either direction. We would split any common expenses for our daughter such as schooling. When she was in my care I would take care of all things. When she was in her mother's care, it would be the same. The way things should have been, in the absence of being attacked. We enjoyed relative peace for several months after Joint Custody and Residency were established. Regular communication, drop-offs and pickups, etc. One day, her mother said her car was failing. It was streaming antifreeze fumes into the cabin, threatening our daughter's health. As we were now in relative peace, I offered my olive branch. It was to be an extensive repair, requiring the entire dash to be removed. She hadn't solicited anyone else to help. I volunteered to work on it. She stayed with us during this time, caring for our daughter through the many evenings I spent out in the cold working to repair it, while during the day we shared my own vehicle. It was finally accomplished. During this time, we re-united. I asked what she wanted from me. She wanted to be a family. She asked me, to marry her. In tears and holding each other, I accepted. We were engaged to be married. We were to be a family. It was really happening. She initially concealed from me what all had taken place in her life during the two years we apart. About two months into our engagement and while doing late-night wiring of the house while our daughter was asleep - I kissed her goodbye to go have some fun with a girlfriend at a local bar and didn't think anything of it, trusting her automatically even after all we'd been through. We were embarking on a fresh start, after all? And this was the woman I intended to marry. I came to learn three months later I was betrayed that night. We very nearly parted ways, again. Much heartache and deliberation ensued. Trust was broken and everything changed. One never really gets over such a thing. We only learn to live around it, if we can. We eventually married on March 11, 2017 at 11:11am. Infidelity occurred again, only about one year later. And sent us into a spiral, yet again. As trust was still being established after the first instance. She is now leaving, the second home I've made for us. I do not wish to harm her. I fear for our daughter's well-being, emotional and otherwise. I only wish to protect. I only seek equality. I feel shame and humbled to ask for assistance to ensure that nothing less than Joint Legal Custody, and Joint Residency with equal parts mom and dad is maintained while I assume all the obligations of this home that we're formerly those of us both. Thank you for your time and consideration.