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Friends, Strangers, Readers,
Today, I call-out for help. This is a lot to ask, but I am at the point where I must admit I need help. I have come to the conclusion (and I have known this for sometime now) that the Portland move was a mistake. I need to return to Kentucky.
I am working on a transfer to the Lexington VA and have already worked-out a long distance plan with my publisher for my novel. The problem I am facing more readily is moving expenses.
$ 3000 is based on my experience moving-out here. I am over-reaching a bit because gas and hotels are not predictable. As many reading this know, I have a very precious dog, and it is because of him that I have to do this move very wisely, carefully.
Overall, I am returning because I belong home, in my old Kentucky home, but as some of you are aware, my Grandma's health has worsened. As tempting, as it is to hop, skip, and jump on a plane, I cannot just fly home to her because of Albus. I am also trying to do this without losing a career I love, feel passionately good at with Veteran, Geriatric, and patient care. Lastly, I have crunched the numbers: living out here is slowing putting me in a worse and worse fiscal state that I need to work to remedy. Moving back to Kentucky is both an immediate and a long-term need for me.
My grandma is my mother. Some of you reading this know this. Some of you know how broken my childhood was in some ways, how painfully hurtful and absent my mother was. However, because of my grandma, I am strong and have been able to heal at the broken places. She raised me. She is the reason for any happiness in my childhood and literally saved me multiple times in my life. She still saves me from myself more than I can write in this letter to you. The thought of not seeing her is ripping me to shreds. For so many reasons, my heart, it turns out, belongs to Kentucky because hers does too. For these reasons and more, I am choosing to uncomfortably admit my mistakes rather than not getting back to her and my family.
On a larger scale, I will admit that moving out here was a mistake. While I have learned a lot of necessary lessons and had some growing pain experiences; with some great personal and relational healing with the distance, I feel that overall, I moved to Portland because I was running away. The amount of isolation and displacement I feel here is too much to keep inside any longer. This is a credit to many of you reading this too because I am stubborn; it took me being away to cherish more deeply the friendship, the love I have even in the darkest times. In a most recent dark time, I lost my Patchy, and in so many ways, the isolation worsened and the need for home grew.
I struggled to face some things and running away from the problems, from the pain, and refusing to face those problems and pains, felt like the right thing to do at the time. I am stronger now, have learned a lot. I have been living the hardest couple years of my life. Some of you reading this know to which I am referring, some of you may not, but it is safe to say, I had good reasons for wanting to run. But it is time to stop running.
I need this as quickly as possible. I am working on a plan to leave in the next couple of months or sooner. Again, this is so hard to put out there. I hate asking for money, but I want you to know that any amount is a lot to me right now (money has been/is very tight) and likewise, I will be working overtime at the VA and taking on extra editing projects where I can as well as finishing the last of the editing for my novel before my departure. Anything you can do to help me get home will not be forgotten, will not be lost on the impact of my heart, and will be a profuse blessing to a very hard time in my life.
I hold so much love to you for reading this and hope no one will think less of me in this time of mistake and need to reach a time of accomplishment and peace,
Claudia.
Today, I call-out for help. This is a lot to ask, but I am at the point where I must admit I need help. I have come to the conclusion (and I have known this for sometime now) that the Portland move was a mistake. I need to return to Kentucky.
I am working on a transfer to the Lexington VA and have already worked-out a long distance plan with my publisher for my novel. The problem I am facing more readily is moving expenses.
$ 3000 is based on my experience moving-out here. I am over-reaching a bit because gas and hotels are not predictable. As many reading this know, I have a very precious dog, and it is because of him that I have to do this move very wisely, carefully.
Overall, I am returning because I belong home, in my old Kentucky home, but as some of you are aware, my Grandma's health has worsened. As tempting, as it is to hop, skip, and jump on a plane, I cannot just fly home to her because of Albus. I am also trying to do this without losing a career I love, feel passionately good at with Veteran, Geriatric, and patient care. Lastly, I have crunched the numbers: living out here is slowing putting me in a worse and worse fiscal state that I need to work to remedy. Moving back to Kentucky is both an immediate and a long-term need for me.
My grandma is my mother. Some of you reading this know this. Some of you know how broken my childhood was in some ways, how painfully hurtful and absent my mother was. However, because of my grandma, I am strong and have been able to heal at the broken places. She raised me. She is the reason for any happiness in my childhood and literally saved me multiple times in my life. She still saves me from myself more than I can write in this letter to you. The thought of not seeing her is ripping me to shreds. For so many reasons, my heart, it turns out, belongs to Kentucky because hers does too. For these reasons and more, I am choosing to uncomfortably admit my mistakes rather than not getting back to her and my family.
On a larger scale, I will admit that moving out here was a mistake. While I have learned a lot of necessary lessons and had some growing pain experiences; with some great personal and relational healing with the distance, I feel that overall, I moved to Portland because I was running away. The amount of isolation and displacement I feel here is too much to keep inside any longer. This is a credit to many of you reading this too because I am stubborn; it took me being away to cherish more deeply the friendship, the love I have even in the darkest times. In a most recent dark time, I lost my Patchy, and in so many ways, the isolation worsened and the need for home grew.
I struggled to face some things and running away from the problems, from the pain, and refusing to face those problems and pains, felt like the right thing to do at the time. I am stronger now, have learned a lot. I have been living the hardest couple years of my life. Some of you reading this know to which I am referring, some of you may not, but it is safe to say, I had good reasons for wanting to run. But it is time to stop running.
I need this as quickly as possible. I am working on a plan to leave in the next couple of months or sooner. Again, this is so hard to put out there. I hate asking for money, but I want you to know that any amount is a lot to me right now (money has been/is very tight) and likewise, I will be working overtime at the VA and taking on extra editing projects where I can as well as finishing the last of the editing for my novel before my departure. Anything you can do to help me get home will not be forgotten, will not be lost on the impact of my heart, and will be a profuse blessing to a very hard time in my life.
I hold so much love to you for reading this and hope no one will think less of me in this time of mistake and need to reach a time of accomplishment and peace,
Claudia.