Bring Julia Home
Donation protected
My fiancé, Kevin Coe, and I are currently facing an international child custody case concerning Kevin’s daughter, Julia Coe, who was born in the U.S. but was removed from the U.S. in 2011, taken to South Korea, and never returned.
Kevin was 18 when he joined the U.S. Army. He spent 3 years in South Korea as a counterintelligence agent; during his time in Korea, he met, dated, and married Seon Hwa Yang, who changed her name to Seon Hwa Coe after their marriage. Seon Hwa is 12 years older than Kevin, and had been married previously; she had applied for a green card with her former husband, was denied, and subsequently changed her name. Kevin was 21 when they married. Seon Hwa hid both her age and her previous marriage from Kevin until they applied for a marriage license, at which point he felt it too late to break the engagement.
In 2003, Kevin deployed to Iraq. In preparation for his deployment, Kevin and Seon Hwa moved to the U.S.; they lived in Tennessee while Kevin trained with the 101st and eventually moved in with Kevin’s family in Stafford. During this time, Seon Hwa became physically abusive with Kevin; she would get drunk and beat him, following him if he left the house to escape her assaults.
When Kevin returned from Iraq, he accepted a job as a civilian instructor at Fort Huachuca in Arizona. Seon Hwa’s violent behavior abated, and though Kevin raised the possibility of divorce, Seon Hwa refused to accept it. He and Seon Hwa moved to Sierra Vista, AZ, and decided to have a child. Kevin enrolled in undergraduate courses. Seon Hwa and Kevin conceived a child, and Kevin resolved not to divorce Seon Hwa; he thought that once the baby was born, their relationship would improve.
Julia Kahlan Coe was born in Tucson on June 9th, 2007.
After Julia’s birth, Seon Hwa began drinking again and her violent behavior resurfaced. Kevin asked her to seek professional help, thinking that postpartum depression was playing a role, but Seon Hwa refused. Kevin began coming home during his lunch breaks to check on Julia; Seon Hwa would be hung over most mornings, and he worried about the baby’s well-being. In addition to a full-time job and evening college courses, Kevin became Julia’s primary caregiver; as soon as he would arrive home in the evenings, Seon Hwa would go out drinking.
Soon, Seon Hwa’s violence toward Kevin escalated, and she began waking him up and keeping him awake at night, hitting him more frequently, and threatening to kill herself and Julia if he sought help. Kevin began taking Julia on outings every weekend, both to ensure that she was not left alone with Seon Hwa, who was becoming more unstable, and because the time he spent with Julia was the only time in his life he was unreservedly happy.
In 2010, Kevin accepted a job working as a civilian contractor for the Department of Defense in Afghanistan, and the family agreed to relocate to the Washington, D.C. area once his deployment ended. In preparation for the move, and so Seon Hwa would have support during his 6-month deployment, Kevin and Seon Hwa agreed that she and Julia would move to Virginia and stay with Kevin’s family. Seon Hwa expressed a desire to visit Korea with Julia to introduce Julia to her family. In an attempt to resolve the issues in their marriage, Kevin agreed to a 2-week trip, and promised that when his deployment ended, they would go on a family vacation. He maintained his resolution that divorce was not an option, as he felt the best thing for Julia would be for him to continue caring for her. Kevin was concerned that if he filed for divorce, he would lose custody of Julia; he remained unconvinced that Seon Hwa was capable of caring for Julia on her own.
Kevin deployed in January of 2011; Julia and Seon Hwa left for Korea shortly after his deployment. Seon Hwa never gave Kevin the address where they were staying; she also neglected to set a date on which the two would return from their trip. Every time Kevin asked Seon Hwa where they were living or when they would return to the U.S., Seon Hwa would cut off all contact, and Kevin would be unable to communicate with Julia. This behavior persisted until August 2011, when Kevin flew to Korea.
In Korea, Seon Hwa still refused to disclose where they were living; she insisted that the family stay in a hotel prior to leaving for their vacation in Thailand; Seon Hwa continued to evade the question of when she would return to the U.S. She requested that Kevin extend his tour in Afghanistan, and swore that he would never see Julia again if he continued to ask about where they were staying or when they would return.
For Kevin, the best part of the vacation was spending time with his daughter, teaching her to snorkel, and just watching her play. Kevin returned to Korea with Seon Hwa and Julia, again requesting to see were they lived, but Seon Hwa continued to refuse. Ultimately, Seon Hwa acknowledged that she never intended to return to the U.S.
Once Kevin left Korea in August 2011, he contacted an attorney in the U.S. He filed for divorce and attempted to initiate a custody case; however, Julia had been out of the U.S. for over 6 months and the U.S. no longer had jurisdiction over her custody. Kevin attempted to file a petition under the Hague Convention on International Child Abduction, on the grounds that Julia had been wrongfully removed from her country of habitual residence; he was told that South Korea was not a signatory to the Hague Convention, and was unable to file a petition. He looked into initiating a child custody case in Korea, but Seon Hwa threatened to destroy his career and ensure that he would never see Julia again if he filed for custody in Korea. Kevin was unsure how she would do this, but did not doubt her. He did not file for custody in Korea.
Kevin divorced Seon Hwa in 2012. He had her served by the Korean police, in person, as he was unable to locate her. All the addresses Seon Hwa had given him so that he could send presents to Julia were vacant or incomplete. Seon Hwa was picking up the packages at the post office, using her phone number to validate that the packages were hers. The court in Arizona ordered Kevin to pay child support, despite ruling the divorce a “divorce without minor children” due to the lack of jurisdiction over custody. Kevin wired the support payments directly into Seon Hwa’s bank account. He and Julia spoke on Skype roughly once a month. Sometimes, Seon Hwa sent him photos of Julia, always accompanied by requests for money above and beyond the child support payment. Kevin had been ordered to pay $640 a month, but frequently sent her over $1,000 in a month. Kevin always wanted Julia to have the best life possible, and he was willing to trust that Seon Hwa also had Julia’s best interests in mind and would spend the money appropriately.
Since Kevin’s communication with Julia was limited, he was under the impression that she and Seon Hwa had a good life. He began a job with Missile Defense Agency and moved to Fredericksburg, Virginia. He continued to send Seon Hwa child support payments that exceeded the court mandated amount, but his interactions with Julia became less frequent and stilted. Seon Hwa was present for every conversation, and would whisper to Julia throughout their time together. Soon, Kevin was speaking to Julia for about 10 minutes, once every 2 months. He began sending the child support payments after the 1st of the month, letting an average of a week go by before wiring the payment. After it was a few days late, Seon Hwa would contact Kevin, and he would be able to talk to Julia. On months that he sent the payments on the 1st, Seon Hwa would not contact him, nor would she answer when he attempted to call.
In 2013, Kevin took another job in Afghanistan. He left the U.S. in July; on August 28, 2013, his base was overrun by terrorists. The attack involved a 5,000 pound truck bomb, and resulted in a 10-hour firefight. Kevin sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and was sent home.
Kevin spent most of the year at his parents’ home in Stafford, relying on his family to get to doctors’ appointments. It was difficult for him to function, but he always remembered to make his child support payments, and continued to maintain some contact with Seon Hwa in order to see Julia. In December 2013, Seon Hwa’s communication became still more erratic and infrequent.
I met Kevin in June 2014. By this time, Kevin was living on his own and had made significant progress in his recovery. Kevin had photos of Julia in his living room; he was always open with me about his struggle to be a father while living so far away from Julia. We discussed the possibility of his visiting Korea in October; he was growing concerned about Julia’s well-being. Every weekend, I sat in the living room as he tried to Skype with Julia. He was only able to speak to her 3 times between June and October.
Kevin and I decided to move in together in October 2014. In late September, Seon Hwa called Kevin at 3 PM Eastern Time – 4 AM in Korea. She was obviously drunk, slurring her speech. She began asking Kevin what would happen to Julia if she died. Kevin told her that Julia would come to live with him if anything should happen, but was confused as to why Seon Hwa was asking the question. She kept asking him this question, speaking loudly enough that Julia awoke, startled. Julia and Seon Hwa slept in one room, and Seon Hwa began telling Julia that Kevin had called her; that he was drunk. Kevin insisted on talking to Julia. He told her that everything was okay, and he remained on the phone with her until Julia calmed down enough to go back to sleep. Kevin decided he needed to visit them, to see where and how they were living, and to ensure that Julia was safe.
When Kevin spoke to Seon Hwa about his plan to visit, Seon Hwa insisted that he shouldn’t visit Korea. She began to contact him at odd times, when Julia was in school, and began asking if he would pay for her and Julia to visit the U.S. for Christmas. Kevin agreed, and the two of them planned the visit. Between October and December 2014, Kevin spoke to Julia once, shortly after we had moved in together. He spoke to Seon Hwa numerous times, but Seon Hwa never put Julia on the phone.
Kevin and Seon Hwa had agreed that Seon Hwa and Julia would stay at his family’s house in Stafford, and Seon Hwa had scheduled a 6 week trip. Kevin told Seon Hwa he hoped that she and Julia could visit him at his apartment and possibly stay the night sometime during the 6 week trip. Seon Hwa agreed that Kevin would take Julia sightseeing, that they would visit some places together while allowing Kevin to spend some time with Julia. She also stated that she would be willing to work out an amicable joint custody arrangement, where Julia would spend part of the year with Kevin.
Kevin and I prepared to host Julia for at least one overnight visit; we also prepared space for Seon Hwa, so that she could stay overnight with Julia if she wanted. We also arranged for Seon Hwa to stay at Kevin’s sister’s house, which is about 15 minutes away from our apartment, in case she didn’t want to stay at our home with Julia; Kevin’s mother’s house is about an hour away. We wanted Julia to feel comfortable in her father’s home, and we knew that Seon Hwa needed to feel comfortable both at his home and with Julia spending time at his home. I offered to stay elsewhere when Julia and Seon Hwa came over, but Kevin wouldn’t hear of it. He did not want me to feel exiled from our home.
Julia and Seon Hwa landed at Dulles International Airport on December 12th at around 10 AM. Kevin had misread the itinerary, and was not at the airport when they landed. Seon Hwa waited until 3 PM to call Kevin’s sister, who called Kevin. He rushed to the airport to pick them up, taking things with him to stay overnight. He called me at around 5 PM, saying that Seon Hwa was in Target with his credit card, and he was with Julia in the car. He said that Seon Hwa had appeared intoxicated at the airport – she was unable to tell him what floor she was on, or give him any indication of where in the airport they were. He finally found them, and Seon Hwa began yelling at him, threatening to take Julia and leave on the next flight back to Korea. While Seon Hwa was in Target, Kevin checked Julia’s carry-on bag. He found that Julia had two passports, in two different names. He took possession of her passports to ensure that Seon Hwa would not end the trip before they had signed a custody agreement.
The initial agreement they had reached would have allowed Julia to live with Seon Hwa during the Korean school year, and visit Kevin in the U.S. during her school breaks. However, Kevin began noticing that Julia would not use the restroom alone; Seon Hwa would accompany her inside the bathroom whenever Julia went, and they took their bath together. Kevin thought this was strange for a 7-year-old, but attributed it to Julia’s unfamiliarity with the house and Seon Hwa’s desire to make sure Julia was comfortable.
On December 13th, Seon Hwa asked Kevin where Julia’s passports were. Kevin told her that they were in his safe until the end of their trip. Seon Hwa again agreed to sign the joint custody agreement they had discussed, and asked him for money. Kevin gave her almost $8,000 in cash - enough money to cover child support payments for an entire year. Seon Hwa also informed Kevin that she had not told Julia that they were divorced. Kevin was upset, and they agreed to tell her together the next day. Kevin came home that night, leaving his family’s house around 5 PM. He called Seon Hwa at 8 PM, asking her if she and Julia would come visit our home the next day. Seon Hwa agreed that both she and Julia would come to Arlington, spend the day, and return to Stafford the same evening. Kevin told her that driving an hour each way twice in one day was too much for him; that was part of the reason he had stayed overnight on the 12th. Seon Hwa agreed that she and Julia would accept a ride from one of Kevin’s sisters, and Kevin would drive them back to Stafford in the evening. He told Seon Hwa that if she didn’t leave with his sister, he would drive to Stafford in the morning to pick them up, and they would have to spend the night in Arlington.
In the morning, Seon Hwa did not leave with Kevin's sister, and we drove to Stafford. Once there, Seon Hwa told Kevin that he could not spend time with Julia unless she was present, and refused to leave the house. Kevin asked if the entire family could go out together to Chuck E. Cheese or Build-a-Bear, and Seon Hwa refused. Seon Hwa had also informed Julia of their divorce without Kevin. Julia told Kevin that she wanted to go to Build-a-Bear, so he told Seon Hwa where we were going, and we left.
Kevin called Seon Hwa when we got to Build-a-Bear, so she and Julia could Skype and Seon Hwa could see that Julia was having fun. After we finished, we asked Julia if she wanted to go to Dad’s home for dinner, grandma’s house with Mom, or out to eat. She said she wanted to go to Dad’s home, and Kevin texted his mother, sister, and Seon Hwa that we were going home. He sent them our address, and asked that they come up that night or the following day to pick up Julia. Seon Hwa called the police and told them Kevin had kidnapped Julia; the police told her that Kevin had every right to spend time with his daughter.
That night, we learned that Julia did not know how to use the bathroom. She was severely regressed, was not potty trained, and mostly spoke in baby talk. Her command of both English and Korean was far below what it should be at 7, but she remembered all the nursery rhymes and stories Kevin had taught her in English when they lived in Arizona. We made a pediatric appointment for Julia, and asked Seon Hwa to come with us.
The next day, Seon Hwa had applied for a new South Korean passport for Julia, claiming it was lost. She also hired a lawyer and prepared to file suit to dissolve Kevin’s parental rights. She disappeared from Kevin’s family home and told no one where she was going.
Between December and April, we were all embroiled in Hague Convention and custody hearings. Originally, Seon Hwa’s claim was dismissed, as she filed well before the day they were scheduled to leave for Korea; you cannot claim that a parent is “wrongfully withholding” a child from their country of habitual residence if that child was scheduled to be out of the country. In December, Julia informed us that her uncle touched her in her private areas. She told Kevin that her uncle was her Korean Daddy, and that Kevin was not her “real” Daddy. Julia told both of us that her uncle called her the queen of the house, and said that he was the king. As soon as Julia told us this, Kevin found a local child therapist specializing in trauma, and made an appointment. Julia saw her therapist once, sometimes twice, a week for the entire duration of her stay in the U.S.
Julia’s uncle, Seon Hwa’s brother Hueng Do, never married, and Seon Hwa had claimed that he had sexually abused her when they were children. She frequently told Kevin that neither she nor Julia had any contact with Hueng Do, due to his abusive behavior. Julia claimed that she and her mother lived with Hueng Do, and that if the police ever knew what he did to her, he would go to jail. Kevin and I reported this to Child Protective Services (CPS), who said they have no jurisdiction over things that happen in foreign countries; the State Department; and the Daegu police department in Korea. No one investigated Julia’s living conditions in Korea, and we were told that since Julia was in the U.S., she was safe from whatever harm might be present in Korea.
While Julia stayed with us, she had night terrors and would run around the apartment in her sleep, crying that her mother was going to take her back to Korea. She begged us, crying, not to let her leave, to protect her from her mom. Julia was obviously afraid of something, but we were unable to determine what. I asked her what had happened to make her so afraid, and Julia looked at me and said, "If I tell you, you won't love me," She started to cry, ran to me and put her arms around my waist, and sobbed. I never asked her again.
Once Julia began to trust that we would protect and take care of her, she quickly made progress, began sleeping through the night, and showing fewer signs of anxiety. She began eating more, and more regularly; her English and math skills improved tremendously. She began to accept affection from us, curling into me when I read to her at night and jumping into Kevin’s arms when he would pick her up at school. She began resting her head on our shoulders when watching a movie.
In March, the Hague case, as well as Kevin’s petition for custody, went to the Arlington Court of Appeals. Seon Hwa was granted visitation every weekend, from after school Friday to Sunday morning. Julia once again began having problems sleeping. The first Friday she had to go with her mother, Julia curled into a ball in my lap, begging me not to let her go, telling me that I had promised to protect her, and asking why I was sending her away. I told her she needed to see her mommy.
When Julia returned, she had finger-sized bruises on her inner thighs. She wouldn’t talk to either Kevin or myself. Eventually, she told me that we had lied; we couldn’t protect her, because Daddy does what the judge tells him to do. She claimed that Daddy was controlled by the judge, but Mommy wasn’t, and that if I kept protecting her, Mommy would hurt me just like she would hurt Daddy. She asked me to stop fighting for her, because I would lose.
I promised Julia that I would never stop fighting for her, that I would never stop loving her.
On April 2nd, Julia was returned to Korea under the Hague case, but the custody case was never heard. We were told to file for custody in Korea. The last words Julia said to me were “Daddy lied. He didn’t protect me. I have to go back.” She ripped up a card we had given her when we moved; the card said "Welcome home."
Kevin filed for joint custody in Korea, but it took until June to locate Seon Hwa and serve her. All the addresses she had listed under oath in the U.S. were false.
The first hearing was on July 3rd, and was intended to determine whether Kevin could visit with Julia via Skype for the duration of the case, as he had been unable to contact Julia since April 2nd. The judge passed the case to a different judge and did not issue a ruling on visitation. The next hearing was scheduled for August 18th, and Kevin and I made arrangements to go to Korea for that week.
When we arrived in Korea, we learned that Seon Hwa had taken Julia to the police and had her file a criminal complaint against Kevin, alleging that he had abused her during her time in the U.S. I believe that Julia made these allegations in order to protect herself from further abuse. The police had 48 hours to charge him; both Kevin and I cooperated with their investigation, and the police found no evidence that the allegations were true. Kevin was never arrested, but the authorities flagged his passport. 48 hours have long since elapsed with no charge, but he still cannot leave the country.
At the last custody hearing, the judge stated that no custody decision will be made until a forensic evaluation to determine whether Kevin abused Julia has been completed. I don’t know what this means for Kevin’s ability to leave Korea and return home. I don't know what this means for Julia.
Kevin, a decorated war Veteran, who volunteered to return to Afghanistan in service of his country, only wants what is best for his daughter. Julia, a U.S. citizen, is still living in an intolerable situation. She is a just a scared little girl who needs stability, love, and support. She needs her father.
Please help me bring my fiancé home. Please help us bring Julia home.
Kevin was 18 when he joined the U.S. Army. He spent 3 years in South Korea as a counterintelligence agent; during his time in Korea, he met, dated, and married Seon Hwa Yang, who changed her name to Seon Hwa Coe after their marriage. Seon Hwa is 12 years older than Kevin, and had been married previously; she had applied for a green card with her former husband, was denied, and subsequently changed her name. Kevin was 21 when they married. Seon Hwa hid both her age and her previous marriage from Kevin until they applied for a marriage license, at which point he felt it too late to break the engagement.
In 2003, Kevin deployed to Iraq. In preparation for his deployment, Kevin and Seon Hwa moved to the U.S.; they lived in Tennessee while Kevin trained with the 101st and eventually moved in with Kevin’s family in Stafford. During this time, Seon Hwa became physically abusive with Kevin; she would get drunk and beat him, following him if he left the house to escape her assaults.
When Kevin returned from Iraq, he accepted a job as a civilian instructor at Fort Huachuca in Arizona. Seon Hwa’s violent behavior abated, and though Kevin raised the possibility of divorce, Seon Hwa refused to accept it. He and Seon Hwa moved to Sierra Vista, AZ, and decided to have a child. Kevin enrolled in undergraduate courses. Seon Hwa and Kevin conceived a child, and Kevin resolved not to divorce Seon Hwa; he thought that once the baby was born, their relationship would improve.
Julia Kahlan Coe was born in Tucson on June 9th, 2007.
After Julia’s birth, Seon Hwa began drinking again and her violent behavior resurfaced. Kevin asked her to seek professional help, thinking that postpartum depression was playing a role, but Seon Hwa refused. Kevin began coming home during his lunch breaks to check on Julia; Seon Hwa would be hung over most mornings, and he worried about the baby’s well-being. In addition to a full-time job and evening college courses, Kevin became Julia’s primary caregiver; as soon as he would arrive home in the evenings, Seon Hwa would go out drinking.
Soon, Seon Hwa’s violence toward Kevin escalated, and she began waking him up and keeping him awake at night, hitting him more frequently, and threatening to kill herself and Julia if he sought help. Kevin began taking Julia on outings every weekend, both to ensure that she was not left alone with Seon Hwa, who was becoming more unstable, and because the time he spent with Julia was the only time in his life he was unreservedly happy.
In 2010, Kevin accepted a job working as a civilian contractor for the Department of Defense in Afghanistan, and the family agreed to relocate to the Washington, D.C. area once his deployment ended. In preparation for the move, and so Seon Hwa would have support during his 6-month deployment, Kevin and Seon Hwa agreed that she and Julia would move to Virginia and stay with Kevin’s family. Seon Hwa expressed a desire to visit Korea with Julia to introduce Julia to her family. In an attempt to resolve the issues in their marriage, Kevin agreed to a 2-week trip, and promised that when his deployment ended, they would go on a family vacation. He maintained his resolution that divorce was not an option, as he felt the best thing for Julia would be for him to continue caring for her. Kevin was concerned that if he filed for divorce, he would lose custody of Julia; he remained unconvinced that Seon Hwa was capable of caring for Julia on her own.
Kevin deployed in January of 2011; Julia and Seon Hwa left for Korea shortly after his deployment. Seon Hwa never gave Kevin the address where they were staying; she also neglected to set a date on which the two would return from their trip. Every time Kevin asked Seon Hwa where they were living or when they would return to the U.S., Seon Hwa would cut off all contact, and Kevin would be unable to communicate with Julia. This behavior persisted until August 2011, when Kevin flew to Korea.
In Korea, Seon Hwa still refused to disclose where they were living; she insisted that the family stay in a hotel prior to leaving for their vacation in Thailand; Seon Hwa continued to evade the question of when she would return to the U.S. She requested that Kevin extend his tour in Afghanistan, and swore that he would never see Julia again if he continued to ask about where they were staying or when they would return.
For Kevin, the best part of the vacation was spending time with his daughter, teaching her to snorkel, and just watching her play. Kevin returned to Korea with Seon Hwa and Julia, again requesting to see were they lived, but Seon Hwa continued to refuse. Ultimately, Seon Hwa acknowledged that she never intended to return to the U.S.
Once Kevin left Korea in August 2011, he contacted an attorney in the U.S. He filed for divorce and attempted to initiate a custody case; however, Julia had been out of the U.S. for over 6 months and the U.S. no longer had jurisdiction over her custody. Kevin attempted to file a petition under the Hague Convention on International Child Abduction, on the grounds that Julia had been wrongfully removed from her country of habitual residence; he was told that South Korea was not a signatory to the Hague Convention, and was unable to file a petition. He looked into initiating a child custody case in Korea, but Seon Hwa threatened to destroy his career and ensure that he would never see Julia again if he filed for custody in Korea. Kevin was unsure how she would do this, but did not doubt her. He did not file for custody in Korea.
Kevin divorced Seon Hwa in 2012. He had her served by the Korean police, in person, as he was unable to locate her. All the addresses Seon Hwa had given him so that he could send presents to Julia were vacant or incomplete. Seon Hwa was picking up the packages at the post office, using her phone number to validate that the packages were hers. The court in Arizona ordered Kevin to pay child support, despite ruling the divorce a “divorce without minor children” due to the lack of jurisdiction over custody. Kevin wired the support payments directly into Seon Hwa’s bank account. He and Julia spoke on Skype roughly once a month. Sometimes, Seon Hwa sent him photos of Julia, always accompanied by requests for money above and beyond the child support payment. Kevin had been ordered to pay $640 a month, but frequently sent her over $1,000 in a month. Kevin always wanted Julia to have the best life possible, and he was willing to trust that Seon Hwa also had Julia’s best interests in mind and would spend the money appropriately.
Since Kevin’s communication with Julia was limited, he was under the impression that she and Seon Hwa had a good life. He began a job with Missile Defense Agency and moved to Fredericksburg, Virginia. He continued to send Seon Hwa child support payments that exceeded the court mandated amount, but his interactions with Julia became less frequent and stilted. Seon Hwa was present for every conversation, and would whisper to Julia throughout their time together. Soon, Kevin was speaking to Julia for about 10 minutes, once every 2 months. He began sending the child support payments after the 1st of the month, letting an average of a week go by before wiring the payment. After it was a few days late, Seon Hwa would contact Kevin, and he would be able to talk to Julia. On months that he sent the payments on the 1st, Seon Hwa would not contact him, nor would she answer when he attempted to call.
In 2013, Kevin took another job in Afghanistan. He left the U.S. in July; on August 28, 2013, his base was overrun by terrorists. The attack involved a 5,000 pound truck bomb, and resulted in a 10-hour firefight. Kevin sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and was sent home.
Kevin spent most of the year at his parents’ home in Stafford, relying on his family to get to doctors’ appointments. It was difficult for him to function, but he always remembered to make his child support payments, and continued to maintain some contact with Seon Hwa in order to see Julia. In December 2013, Seon Hwa’s communication became still more erratic and infrequent.
I met Kevin in June 2014. By this time, Kevin was living on his own and had made significant progress in his recovery. Kevin had photos of Julia in his living room; he was always open with me about his struggle to be a father while living so far away from Julia. We discussed the possibility of his visiting Korea in October; he was growing concerned about Julia’s well-being. Every weekend, I sat in the living room as he tried to Skype with Julia. He was only able to speak to her 3 times between June and October.
Kevin and I decided to move in together in October 2014. In late September, Seon Hwa called Kevin at 3 PM Eastern Time – 4 AM in Korea. She was obviously drunk, slurring her speech. She began asking Kevin what would happen to Julia if she died. Kevin told her that Julia would come to live with him if anything should happen, but was confused as to why Seon Hwa was asking the question. She kept asking him this question, speaking loudly enough that Julia awoke, startled. Julia and Seon Hwa slept in one room, and Seon Hwa began telling Julia that Kevin had called her; that he was drunk. Kevin insisted on talking to Julia. He told her that everything was okay, and he remained on the phone with her until Julia calmed down enough to go back to sleep. Kevin decided he needed to visit them, to see where and how they were living, and to ensure that Julia was safe.
When Kevin spoke to Seon Hwa about his plan to visit, Seon Hwa insisted that he shouldn’t visit Korea. She began to contact him at odd times, when Julia was in school, and began asking if he would pay for her and Julia to visit the U.S. for Christmas. Kevin agreed, and the two of them planned the visit. Between October and December 2014, Kevin spoke to Julia once, shortly after we had moved in together. He spoke to Seon Hwa numerous times, but Seon Hwa never put Julia on the phone.
Kevin and Seon Hwa had agreed that Seon Hwa and Julia would stay at his family’s house in Stafford, and Seon Hwa had scheduled a 6 week trip. Kevin told Seon Hwa he hoped that she and Julia could visit him at his apartment and possibly stay the night sometime during the 6 week trip. Seon Hwa agreed that Kevin would take Julia sightseeing, that they would visit some places together while allowing Kevin to spend some time with Julia. She also stated that she would be willing to work out an amicable joint custody arrangement, where Julia would spend part of the year with Kevin.
Kevin and I prepared to host Julia for at least one overnight visit; we also prepared space for Seon Hwa, so that she could stay overnight with Julia if she wanted. We also arranged for Seon Hwa to stay at Kevin’s sister’s house, which is about 15 minutes away from our apartment, in case she didn’t want to stay at our home with Julia; Kevin’s mother’s house is about an hour away. We wanted Julia to feel comfortable in her father’s home, and we knew that Seon Hwa needed to feel comfortable both at his home and with Julia spending time at his home. I offered to stay elsewhere when Julia and Seon Hwa came over, but Kevin wouldn’t hear of it. He did not want me to feel exiled from our home.
Julia and Seon Hwa landed at Dulles International Airport on December 12th at around 10 AM. Kevin had misread the itinerary, and was not at the airport when they landed. Seon Hwa waited until 3 PM to call Kevin’s sister, who called Kevin. He rushed to the airport to pick them up, taking things with him to stay overnight. He called me at around 5 PM, saying that Seon Hwa was in Target with his credit card, and he was with Julia in the car. He said that Seon Hwa had appeared intoxicated at the airport – she was unable to tell him what floor she was on, or give him any indication of where in the airport they were. He finally found them, and Seon Hwa began yelling at him, threatening to take Julia and leave on the next flight back to Korea. While Seon Hwa was in Target, Kevin checked Julia’s carry-on bag. He found that Julia had two passports, in two different names. He took possession of her passports to ensure that Seon Hwa would not end the trip before they had signed a custody agreement.
The initial agreement they had reached would have allowed Julia to live with Seon Hwa during the Korean school year, and visit Kevin in the U.S. during her school breaks. However, Kevin began noticing that Julia would not use the restroom alone; Seon Hwa would accompany her inside the bathroom whenever Julia went, and they took their bath together. Kevin thought this was strange for a 7-year-old, but attributed it to Julia’s unfamiliarity with the house and Seon Hwa’s desire to make sure Julia was comfortable.
On December 13th, Seon Hwa asked Kevin where Julia’s passports were. Kevin told her that they were in his safe until the end of their trip. Seon Hwa again agreed to sign the joint custody agreement they had discussed, and asked him for money. Kevin gave her almost $8,000 in cash - enough money to cover child support payments for an entire year. Seon Hwa also informed Kevin that she had not told Julia that they were divorced. Kevin was upset, and they agreed to tell her together the next day. Kevin came home that night, leaving his family’s house around 5 PM. He called Seon Hwa at 8 PM, asking her if she and Julia would come visit our home the next day. Seon Hwa agreed that both she and Julia would come to Arlington, spend the day, and return to Stafford the same evening. Kevin told her that driving an hour each way twice in one day was too much for him; that was part of the reason he had stayed overnight on the 12th. Seon Hwa agreed that she and Julia would accept a ride from one of Kevin’s sisters, and Kevin would drive them back to Stafford in the evening. He told Seon Hwa that if she didn’t leave with his sister, he would drive to Stafford in the morning to pick them up, and they would have to spend the night in Arlington.
In the morning, Seon Hwa did not leave with Kevin's sister, and we drove to Stafford. Once there, Seon Hwa told Kevin that he could not spend time with Julia unless she was present, and refused to leave the house. Kevin asked if the entire family could go out together to Chuck E. Cheese or Build-a-Bear, and Seon Hwa refused. Seon Hwa had also informed Julia of their divorce without Kevin. Julia told Kevin that she wanted to go to Build-a-Bear, so he told Seon Hwa where we were going, and we left.
Kevin called Seon Hwa when we got to Build-a-Bear, so she and Julia could Skype and Seon Hwa could see that Julia was having fun. After we finished, we asked Julia if she wanted to go to Dad’s home for dinner, grandma’s house with Mom, or out to eat. She said she wanted to go to Dad’s home, and Kevin texted his mother, sister, and Seon Hwa that we were going home. He sent them our address, and asked that they come up that night or the following day to pick up Julia. Seon Hwa called the police and told them Kevin had kidnapped Julia; the police told her that Kevin had every right to spend time with his daughter.
That night, we learned that Julia did not know how to use the bathroom. She was severely regressed, was not potty trained, and mostly spoke in baby talk. Her command of both English and Korean was far below what it should be at 7, but she remembered all the nursery rhymes and stories Kevin had taught her in English when they lived in Arizona. We made a pediatric appointment for Julia, and asked Seon Hwa to come with us.
The next day, Seon Hwa had applied for a new South Korean passport for Julia, claiming it was lost. She also hired a lawyer and prepared to file suit to dissolve Kevin’s parental rights. She disappeared from Kevin’s family home and told no one where she was going.
Between December and April, we were all embroiled in Hague Convention and custody hearings. Originally, Seon Hwa’s claim was dismissed, as she filed well before the day they were scheduled to leave for Korea; you cannot claim that a parent is “wrongfully withholding” a child from their country of habitual residence if that child was scheduled to be out of the country. In December, Julia informed us that her uncle touched her in her private areas. She told Kevin that her uncle was her Korean Daddy, and that Kevin was not her “real” Daddy. Julia told both of us that her uncle called her the queen of the house, and said that he was the king. As soon as Julia told us this, Kevin found a local child therapist specializing in trauma, and made an appointment. Julia saw her therapist once, sometimes twice, a week for the entire duration of her stay in the U.S.
Julia’s uncle, Seon Hwa’s brother Hueng Do, never married, and Seon Hwa had claimed that he had sexually abused her when they were children. She frequently told Kevin that neither she nor Julia had any contact with Hueng Do, due to his abusive behavior. Julia claimed that she and her mother lived with Hueng Do, and that if the police ever knew what he did to her, he would go to jail. Kevin and I reported this to Child Protective Services (CPS), who said they have no jurisdiction over things that happen in foreign countries; the State Department; and the Daegu police department in Korea. No one investigated Julia’s living conditions in Korea, and we were told that since Julia was in the U.S., she was safe from whatever harm might be present in Korea.
While Julia stayed with us, she had night terrors and would run around the apartment in her sleep, crying that her mother was going to take her back to Korea. She begged us, crying, not to let her leave, to protect her from her mom. Julia was obviously afraid of something, but we were unable to determine what. I asked her what had happened to make her so afraid, and Julia looked at me and said, "If I tell you, you won't love me," She started to cry, ran to me and put her arms around my waist, and sobbed. I never asked her again.
Once Julia began to trust that we would protect and take care of her, she quickly made progress, began sleeping through the night, and showing fewer signs of anxiety. She began eating more, and more regularly; her English and math skills improved tremendously. She began to accept affection from us, curling into me when I read to her at night and jumping into Kevin’s arms when he would pick her up at school. She began resting her head on our shoulders when watching a movie.
In March, the Hague case, as well as Kevin’s petition for custody, went to the Arlington Court of Appeals. Seon Hwa was granted visitation every weekend, from after school Friday to Sunday morning. Julia once again began having problems sleeping. The first Friday she had to go with her mother, Julia curled into a ball in my lap, begging me not to let her go, telling me that I had promised to protect her, and asking why I was sending her away. I told her she needed to see her mommy.
When Julia returned, she had finger-sized bruises on her inner thighs. She wouldn’t talk to either Kevin or myself. Eventually, she told me that we had lied; we couldn’t protect her, because Daddy does what the judge tells him to do. She claimed that Daddy was controlled by the judge, but Mommy wasn’t, and that if I kept protecting her, Mommy would hurt me just like she would hurt Daddy. She asked me to stop fighting for her, because I would lose.
I promised Julia that I would never stop fighting for her, that I would never stop loving her.
On April 2nd, Julia was returned to Korea under the Hague case, but the custody case was never heard. We were told to file for custody in Korea. The last words Julia said to me were “Daddy lied. He didn’t protect me. I have to go back.” She ripped up a card we had given her when we moved; the card said "Welcome home."
Kevin filed for joint custody in Korea, but it took until June to locate Seon Hwa and serve her. All the addresses she had listed under oath in the U.S. were false.
The first hearing was on July 3rd, and was intended to determine whether Kevin could visit with Julia via Skype for the duration of the case, as he had been unable to contact Julia since April 2nd. The judge passed the case to a different judge and did not issue a ruling on visitation. The next hearing was scheduled for August 18th, and Kevin and I made arrangements to go to Korea for that week.
When we arrived in Korea, we learned that Seon Hwa had taken Julia to the police and had her file a criminal complaint against Kevin, alleging that he had abused her during her time in the U.S. I believe that Julia made these allegations in order to protect herself from further abuse. The police had 48 hours to charge him; both Kevin and I cooperated with their investigation, and the police found no evidence that the allegations were true. Kevin was never arrested, but the authorities flagged his passport. 48 hours have long since elapsed with no charge, but he still cannot leave the country.
At the last custody hearing, the judge stated that no custody decision will be made until a forensic evaluation to determine whether Kevin abused Julia has been completed. I don’t know what this means for Kevin’s ability to leave Korea and return home. I don't know what this means for Julia.
Kevin, a decorated war Veteran, who volunteered to return to Afghanistan in service of his country, only wants what is best for his daughter. Julia, a U.S. citizen, is still living in an intolerable situation. She is a just a scared little girl who needs stability, love, and support. She needs her father.
Please help me bring my fiancé home. Please help us bring Julia home.
Organizer
Adriana Alejandro-Santos
Organizer
Arlington, VA