Some years ago we gained custody of my stepson after a brutally costly fight. We knew his biological mother's home was bad, but at the time we could not concieve of just how awful it truly was. As the magnitude, depth and breadth of abuses became known, the rigors of therapy, supervision and education multiplied exponentially. We were financially destroyed in an unglorious and epic manner, and have struggled mightily to recover, while also trying to provide for the necessary care for the recovery our child while under the burden of extreme financial duress.
We were forced to one income, due to his supervisory needs and inappropriate behaviors in a public, and private, settings. Forced to remove him from school. We lost the home we lived in at the time, and after 6 months spent homeless we were able to secure a contract for deed on a small property. We have put much time and effort into this place, and it is, truly, our home. For three years we have endeavored to create a home, and a very simple, yet fulfulling standard of living....
In our hopeful naivete we believed that we could effectively put this child on a firm road to recovery within 2 years. We were so very wrong. Four years later, and we have gained less ground than we had hoped. We remain confined to one income due to supervisory requirements, and have few options available.
Despite putting ourselves on a rigorous debt repayment schedule, and despite raising credit scores several hundred points, we have fallen short of the mark necessary for financing. The world is an unforgiving and callous place. To lenders, the circumstances do not matter, the enormous progress we have made financially (on extremely limited funds) does not matter., our ability to repay does not matter. The necessity of what we have done to rescue this child from further abuse is of far less matter, than missing the mark by a few credit points. There is no forgiveness or consideration.
It is impossible to provide the supervision, nuturing, education and therapy he contines to require, when faced with the very real prospect of losing our home. To confront two such overwhelming stresses--each with such far reaching and profound repercussions--daily, is somewhere well beyond difficult. My husband works 10+ hours a day, and is out of the home 14+ hours a day due to travel times. I am home full time due to the needs of our child, and the magnitude of behaviors. He has been in intensive therapy for 3 years, and completed a year long in-patient treatment program; and still, progress has been limited, and is slow to be realized.
We realize this is a large sum to be asking for assistance to accomodate. We regret that it is necessary, are truly mortified by it, but we have exhausted all other personal and professional options. We are, quite honestly, out of ideas.
When you do the right things, for the right reasons, for the right people, and accept the repercussions because a profoundly damaged child needs a simple chance at a good and healthy future, and are working tirelessly to that end, despite the ongoing challenges....yet, are faced with such a crushing blow as the possiblity of losing your home, and the reality of what you have done and are doing simply doesn't matter because a contrived number has barely missed it's mark.... there are no words to describe the emotions.
You can only imagine the difficulty in focusing so much in dealing with either situation, much less both. We have run out of options and are running out of hope.
For the past 12 months, we have accelerated our efforts in all other necessary avenues to make this possible on our own. We failed. Now, there are only have 45 days remaining to find a solution, and while a shred of hope remains....it is small, tattered and struggling to hold on.
If we are able to secure the funds to secure our home, it would remove the single greatest hindrance to our ability to focus on the needs of or child. HE could then receive the time, attention, focus and nurturing he needs to progress and recover. I could provide those things, without my emotions clouded by external worries, and overwhelming stress. We could have the security of home for the first time in a very long time,
Imagine if this were you. Imagine if your child (natural born or otherwise) was so damaged by the worst abuses you can imagine and who required such a depth of attention, supervision, instruction that it required every bit of patience you possess.... Now imagine you also are looking homelessness in the face, and are hearing from the vast array of agencies and entities designed to provide assistance...that there is nothing they can, or will, do to help.. But here is a list of shelters when time expires.... good luck they say.
Your on your own.
This is where we are. And this is why we have no other recourse but to ask for help. I hate the fact of it to the depth of my soul.
Yet I would make the choices again, because for all the difficulties and extreme challenges and stresses....this ONE child still has a chance he never had before, for a future that does not involve drugs, or abuse, or prison..... And some chance is better than none, right?
For us, as a family? We simply want the chance, to remain in our home, so that we can provide, unencumbered, what he needs and what we need....a senses of security, to be able to continue to provide the opportunity for that future to be realized.
Any help to assist in the realization of this goal, is appreciated beyond words.
Please feel free to email questions or reqests for further information if needed.
- Someone Who Cares
- Joline Henke
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