From ruins to roads

Hello everyone, I hope you are very well. My name is Mason, I am 27 years old and I'm a Behavioural Support Worker for adults with learning difficulties. I am passionate about getting back into my fitness and healthy lifestyle like when I was 21. I broke british records when I was 17, could have of gone Olympic! Just thinking of being in that place amd mindset again puts a smile on my face.

Life in 2020 took a turn down a dark and lonesome road. I lost more than myself that year. I went homeless after a break up.. two times, 4 months in 2020 and 2021 after getting my own place to rekindle a relationship that fell through. I was stuck to pay for a place I couldn't afford. Slowly seeing that inevitable doom of going homeless again. I truly believed that that was it for me, I was done. I had already had a taste of what was creeping upon me as each month went on, I ended up taking drugs, alcohol, weed, painkillers, anything to numb and step out of my shoes for moment. Those moments turned into months of feeling like I was reaching for something in the dark, just hoping something would pull me out of the hell I was living. I couldn't see clear at the time as my mind was broke, I didn't know I was digging my hell deeper with my actions. I was weak and gave in to the easy fix of pain instead of being a man and standing up to my troubles face on, I cowarded..selfishly tried to take my own life. Not knowing at the time that suicide doesn't stop the pain, you only move it to those around you. Suicide is never going to save you, speak up, reach out even if you are in the dark, look for that little light in the distance and RUN towards it! I was put on suicide watch for 16 days. I truly believed that everyone around me would have been better off if I was no longer breathing. I faced all this alone, I had no friends, went through a break up with someone who I thought would be the hand I held on my deathbed, the last face to see. Only my brother and his wife helped me set up for a couple weeks to find my feet in shelter, which I am truly lucky to have my brother, I don't think he knows how much I love him. He truly is an example of a man, husband, father, brother..if I could be any man, I'd be Connor.

The last 4 years I have struggled with manic depression, bipolar and crippling anxiety. Most people who know me don't know any of this about me, nor do my family. So I guess this is me coming clean. Hopefully this may also allow those who find me difficult to communicate to find some level of empathy and understanding I come from a hurt place.

During all this I have worked through, had a few weeks off in the last 4 years, I learnt to mask my emotions by forcing myself to work because without it I think it's easy to come out of a form of routine and no money. I find it easy to pretend that I'm happy as, I have felt true happiness before so..I know how to make it look real.

I have had my flat now for 2 years, I don't take drugs no more, nor will I be drinking. I'm clearing a debt from my old flat which built up because I was homeless and had no address for them to send me the bill, so it accumulated and went to debt collectors.

THIS..is not a sympathy vote, I do not want your sympathy! I want your understanding more than anything. There are people who have been through so much worse things and mine doesn't touch the surface. There are wars going on and I know my life is possibly something they would trade for in a second, I would also happily trade with them

So this leads me to my project...

I would like to buy a van and convert it into a motorhome. I would like to start a blog of converting the van to help others along the way on a similar dream. I would like to blog traveling around the UK, recommendations for the best sites and views.

I would like to leave this town eventually and I would love to build and make more motorhomes for people to buy or have a holiday in for a few nights or a week, for those who don't travel abroad.

I would also like to rescue a dog and think that they could help me while I help them. I truly believe it will help my mental health and I know "that van would smell" I'd care better for the dog than myself and that's the truth. Unforunately I can't have a dog where I rent.

I think this will be the turning point of my life and that you could really make a difference for myself and anyone who does donate, when my business kicks off which may take a year or two..I will reimburse EVERYONE double the amount donated. I have never asked for help in my life and I'm damned that I'm starting now but I promise in time I will repay it twice over.

Thank you for anyone who has read through and through, I am also grateful for any donations, throw a penny at my head and I'll dance haha.

So I'm grateful for 1p, 5p, 20p to £1...whatever you are willing is gratefully accepted. Thank you x If there is anyone out there that has been through a similar experience, or non of the near, if you are struggling please seek help, give me a message, don't close up like I did. I wish I spoke out sooner

Thank you kindly, love Mason x x x