Rip’s Memorial Fund - Rip Riddick Gilley

Asking for support or help isn’t easy for me, and I’ve struggled with the thought of creating this gofundme, some of those feelings are of judgement, embarrassment, and tons of other feelings - probably all stemming from every other emotion we are having right now. Being a prideful person and worrying about what others would think has made me hesitant but I want to tell this story, get it out there, and respectfully ask for any support.About 6 months into our pregnancy the unimaginable happened. We lost our little man.

 

The last few months have been a rollercoaster ride filled with a myriad of emotions.

The loss of a loved one is one of the most heartbreaking and difficult thing in life, that loved one being your unborn child rounding third base heading home and nearly ready to begin life adds something unexplainable. Throughout this pregnancy and loss I have truly found a new appreciation for everything I have been gifted, and I can’t help but look at my family and be so thankful despite what we are currently going through.

 

We have a wonderful and beautiful 4 year old little girl named Aubrey, for the last two and a half years we have been trying to give her a brother or sister and add some more craziness to our house. After trying for the better part of two years we tracked down some issues that were making our odds of getting pregnant again slim - then against a stacked deck we found out we were pregnant. Fast forward to our anatomy scan at 5 months - we learn our baby boy had severe growth restriction and was measuring less than 1 percentile - the first of many hurdles ahead.

 

I read everything under the sun about IUGR until our next appointment, we found out Kristina had high levels of a virus showing a recent infection and that her placenta was for some reason twice the size it was supposed to be. We we’re told her placenta would only go so long and that the baby wasn’t viable until a certain time. We focused all of our energy on trying to get to a viable level and then we we’re hit with more news a week or so later. The baby had calcification in major organs including his heart and brain. His heart had developed fluid around it and was working extremely hard to keep him going. We started doing a huge number of tests and appointments, and traveled to a ton to places figure out a way out of the situation we were getting dug deeper into. We drove ourself crazy googling things and calling doctors/specialists, joining support groups and reaching out to total strangers in search of answers trying to grasp any thread of hope that was out there.

 

We then learned the baby’s aorta was very very small and was overtaxing him, and that the fluid buildup around the heart had worsened. With everything learned up to this point including things not even mentioned we finally came to the realization that there more than likely there wasn’t going to be a happy ending here. At this point we’re nearing the 6 month mark. We we’re eventually given a dose of reality from our doctor saying we had maybe a few weeks left of him surviving and that he would be stillborn, and even if he was viable the likelihood of him surviving outside the womb was really non existent, he hadn’t grown anymore and even though we were nearing a timeframe for viability he was still too small. We sought opinions from other doctors because we were basically in denial. One final appointment after that and they confirmed things were looking even worse, either his heart was going to stop working or the placenta would give out - they gave us a week or so.

 

So we lost our little man. They gave us his footprints on a little card that day. When we found out we were having a boy I wanted him to have the most badass name, so I picked rip from the show Yellowstone because that’s one tough dude and my rip was going to be the same, but he just couldn’t get through everything that happened.

It is hard for me to write how I feel, and even harder to let others in on it, but what I feel doesn’t come close to what I imagine Kristina has felt throughout this process. She carried our baby boy for so long, felt his kicks and movements, developed that deep connection and then that was It.

 

Our support system between family and my work family has been extraordinary and I’m truly so thankful for everyone that has helped us from the time we started finding out bad news and throughout rips passing.

 

Throughout this process we have incurred expenses from tests not covered under insurance, and some only partially covered for how extensive they have been in our efforts to figure out why things happened the way they did as well as travel/lodging while staying in different cities to do said tests and those bills are trickling in, as well as what had to happen to get rip out and the costs of that. There are also additional tests that can be done still and our hopes are to get more answers to add to what we do know so we can have a complete picture as to why we lost rip and figure out if we can try again one day. Aside from dealing with the funeral home and cremation process we want to get something special made from his ashes. Any support is so appreciated, and if you can’t help that is totally fine, just knowing my friends/family/fire family are there for me and my family emotionally means the world to me/us. I’m not sure if this has all been too much info or too personal but I wanted to tell it like it is, if you are figuring out this happened to us for the first time by this post then it has saved me from constantly repeating what’s going on which has been a challenge in itself.

 

I also want to take this opportunity to tell everyone - look around you. Look at your loved ones, your friends, and your support systems. Life is full of amazing things and amazing people. Truly sit back and think about the things you have worked for, the families and relationships you have, and everything accomplished. The people that accentuate your life and are there for you. I can’t help feel so loved and grateful for all of you especially Kristina and Aubrey. Life has no guarantees or roadmaps, and time is so short so hold your loved ones tight and do everything you can for them. Check in on your friends and family, see how the are. Reach out to someone you haven’t in a while. There may be someone going through the worst time of their life and your support could mean the world to them - you can be someone’s rock and help them through it. Thank you so much to the folks that have helped us during all of this and to those that have helped me with everything at work and getting the time i needed off. It has meant so much to us.