Hello! My name is Em. I am a transgender nonbinary person, and I am raising money for gender affirmation surgery---top surgery, specifically. (If you're unfamiliar with this procedure, here is an overview from Mayo Clinic.) My surgery is scheduled mid-March 2022, which gives me less than six months to raise what I need.

I am a fairly private person and do not often discuss my gender dysphoria with anyone except for my therapist, partners, and close friends. I am daunted by the prospect of sharing this part of myself with the entire internet. Were our healthcare system---really, our entire economic & political system---different, I would not have to trade my vulnerability for others' potential generosity. But here we are.

Here is a little bit about my experience with gender dysphoria:

Sometimes my dysphoria is so bad I run late to work because everything I put on makes me feel disgusting. I go through ten outfits, crying and sweating and swearing, as my partner tries to comfort me.

Sometimes I do not want to go to a play, a wedding, a concert because the idea of wearing anything other than very casual clothes causes me to panic. I cannot wear formalwear comfortably. Years ago, I had to miss a wedding because I was very sick, and I was a tiny bit relieved I would not have to figure out what to wear. It makes me sad to think of missing out on other loved ones' special occasions because I cannot stop self-loathing long enough to get dressed.

When I am walking down the sidewalk and see my reflection in a window, I am surprised, because my reflection does not match my self-conception. When I picture myself, I do not have breasts. It is strange and scary to be reminded that other people see a person with breasts. I would like my reflection in the window to match how I look in my head. I wonder what that psychic relief will feel like. What will it be like, not having to brace myself whenever I see my reflection? I want to find out.

I'm fortunate in that insurance is covering the majority of the cost of this procedure and that I don't need to travel far; I'll be able to recover at home. I'll be out of work around six weeks. My job is labor-intensive---lots of lifting, stretching, shelving, carrying, etc.---so I have to be extremely careful not to overexert my body and to give myself enough time to heal. The peace of mind that comes with financial security will decrease my ever-present anxiety and stress (if you know, you know!) and aid in a smoother recovery.

An Exciting List of Things Your Donation May Go Towards:

(If you prefer to donate via another platform, my Venmo handle is @catnamedmicah, and my PayPal is here .)

Making this fundraiser tests my ability to ask for and accept help. Recovering from this common but physically intense surgery will test my ability to ask for and accept help. Putting all of this out there is the equivalent of a trust fall. I appreciate your kindness and care, and I do not take it for granted, not for a second.

With gratitude,

Em