Ray's Top Surgery

Hi, I'm Ray and I'm raising funds for my top surgery.

Why top surgery?

In all honesty, this was the photo that started it all:

What should have been a lovely polaroid with friends became a hyperfixation. I kept looking at it and thinking, that doesn't look like me, why doesn't it look like me? Oh it's a new dress, maybe the dress is weird, oh it's the lighting, it's the fact everyone around me is much slimmer...

Then - bing! A switch suddenly flicked in my brain and I realised what it was - I don't identify as a person who has breasts.

I suddenly made a sense of a lot of my past, I've been out as non binary since 2023 and have been slowly figuring out how to try and appease my gender dysphoria being female presenting. However, my mind was so preoccupied with my body dysmorphia I hadn't twigged why I preferred my former, incredibly underweight, self so much.

As soon as I tried a binder for the first time I can't explain the love I suddenly felt for my silhouette, I'd never been that happy and excited to look in a mirror before.

I suddenly didn't care about my stretch marks, my bigger stomach, or anything, the binder even pushes stuff down and makes my belly technically look a bit bigger, and I don't care!! The oversized shirts obsession, my joy when I was underweight that I had such tiny titties, a lot of my past decisions big and small started making a lot of sense.

However, because I am now a healthy weight, and as such large chested, it's still very hard to completely ignore my breasts, and every day as I get dressed, have a shower, and see myself 'un-bound', I experience wild gender dysphoria, my true self, my Ray-ness, doesn't match who I see in the mirror.

Additionally, I think breasts are a real gender marker to the outside world, and despite massive pronoun badges, introducing myself with they/them pronouns, and doing everything I can to claim my identity, the world sees them and just goes "she". I know top surgery isn't a fix-all, but it will definitely help me carry myself more confidently and authentically into the world.

I cannot wait for when I've had my surgery, I'm healed, and I can wear a slutty little vest top again and feel true gender euphoria. That is the one sadness my current form has over me, clothes have always been an outlet and a way I express myself, and I'm now limited in what I can wear - overshirts have become a necessity to hide my silhouette and minimise the remaining boob appearance. The thought of being truly free and myself without being in discomfort brings joyous tears to my eyes, and if you can help me get there I'd be so so grateful.

So that's why top surgery. I have never been more excited to say bye bye boobies!

The plan towards surgery:

Having done quite a lot of research (thank you transgender beauties of the internet out there giving advice), I've found an excellent surgeon who has a private practice here in the UK, with a fixed price and 0% interest so I can get my surgery sooner and pay it off over a few years.

So I'm raising £3,500 - overall my top surgery will probably cost approximately £10,000 (not to mention losing work during recovery as I'm self employed) - but I'm just trying to raise enough money for a deposit, initial consultation and the various procedural things I need e.g. a referral from a private gender specialist for my surgery.

I had hoped to save towards this figure over time but with the cost of everything going up surgery is getting approx £1,000 more expensive every year and the hoops and legalities required are increasing. Given the world's state of affairs recently I'm anxious if I don't start now, it may become out of reach or potentially not be allowed anymore.

So I'm taking the plunge and asking for help, anything you can spare would be absolutely incredible.

This hasn't been the easiest step for me, but it feels like the best option, and really only option for now. I don't want to live in this state of dysphoria any longer than I have to. Becoming non binary and becoming 'Ray' has caused me a lot of loss over the way, I've lost relationships, family, friends and support systems I thought I'd always have. But all of these losses pale in comparison compared to the true joy, love and acceptance of myself I feel every single day.

So thank you for joining me on this journey, if you can donate amazing and thank you! If you can't - even just sharing and spreading the word would be incredible. Thank you.