This is me. Raw. Unfiltered. Broken.

I am 50 years old. Homeless. Jobless. Penniless. No partner. No children. Mourning the sudden loss of my Furbaby. Humiliated. Feel worthless. Depressed. Severe Anxiety. Agoraphobia. PTSD. Insomnia. Binge Eater. Diabetic. Thyroid disease.

2020 - I lost the ability to perform any work duties outside of my home.

I have not been to any public places to include grocery stores, big box stores, malls, strip malls, theaters, restaurants, or any public venue, since that time.

2021 - I was able to find a solid Work From Home job that allowed me the financial independence I needed to sustain some form of existence.

2022 - Due to an inability to pay, my car was repossessed.

2024 - I was laid off from my Work From Home job due to position elimination, with no fault of my own. I immediately started looking for another remote position. I have applied for over 100 jobs at the least to no avail. I've tried temp agencies. I've tried to find part-time. I've been told that the Work From Home market is in great demand, with little to no positions available. The numbers were stacked against me from the beginning. Still I continued to apply. I've tried selling some of my art.

2025 - I lost my apartment. I lost my cell service. I became homeless and 100% dependent on others for the first time in my life. In January, I applied for Disability. I knew it would be a long road. But if I could just hang in there, I might make it.

May 28th, my precious Furbaby passed very unexpectedly. She was the last bit of happiness that I had. Now gone. This sent me into a spiral from which I have been unable to stop or control.

I see my therapist weekly via TeleHealth. I see my psychiatrist monthly via TeleHealth. The internet is my only window to the outside world.

Today, I learned that I was denied for Disability, which I have been told everyone is denied their first time. I am appealing, of course. I do have legal representation.

I have $1.01 to my name. I have reduced my bills as much as I can. I currently need about $150 monthly to be able to stay connected to the internet and still receive my email via Microsoft. Still continue to apply for jobs. Still stay in therapy. Still get my meds.

So many have helped me over the past months. I owe all that I am to them. It is taking the last bit of humility I have to type this.

I am tired of asking for help. I am tired of worrying over everything. I am tired of trying to figure out how I'm going to get my meds or see my therapist or fight my mental health. My anxiety tells me that I am worthless. A failure. Not trying hard enough. A negative spot on this planet. That I am a burden to everyone around me. That they think I am just a sponge, not doing anything. I know this is again my mental health talking. I am giving every ounce of myself to just try and get out of bed in the morning. Nothing makes me happy. I can't even focus on my art.

I am literally at my wits' end. My heart is so heavy. My mind racing.

So here I am, once more, asking for help.

Please help. I don't know what to do.

Thank you, Shonda