It's Getting Hot In Here

Hail and well met, traveler. You find yourself laid bare beneath the gaze of an unknown figure… or is it unknown? No! It is Thomas Chrowder Chamberlin, famed 19th to 20th century geologist/educator! He looks on with pity and compassion. He knew, stuck as he was in the lost annals of history, that the climate and our effect on it would eventually come collect, and now we have lived to hear it rap rap rapping upon our door. We should have heeded his warning, you think, the pounding thud of calamity resounding in your mind.

Well now you can!

It’s never too late until everyone is dead!

Leaving this entire celestial body to rot away as it careens into runaway warming not unlike that of the noxious wasteland of Venus would be totally lame! And don’t you want to be cool? (I desperately do—I am both so uncool* and the world is so freaking hot).

So it’s time to check your change purses, dip into that piggy** bank, and dump all your money into our fundraiser, because this Hot World Summer, Kai and Ren are collecting one bagillion dollars for the CLEAN AIR TASK FORCE!

* Ren disagrees with Kai's self-assessment.

**or ideally, plant-based pork alternative.

 

[Official sounding descriptions of environmental org incoming:]

Clean Air Task Force works to safeguard against the worst impacts of climate change by catalyzing the rapid global development and deployment of low-carbon energy and other climate-protecting technologies through research and analysis, public advocacy leadership, and partnership with the private sector.

Basically this means they’re breaking the baloney gridlock that’s been preventing the crucial implementation of all the renewable tech that this country and planet desperately needs.  Find out more here: https://www.catf.us/work/

Give them money!

In fact, we’re trying to raise $5,850—fifty cents for every year of the Holocene epoch, the relatively stable climate period we have enjoyed up to this point. Feel free to donate an amount corresponding to the additional years you would like to live (additional payment required for those who have, or wish to have, children). Other payment plans include but are not limited to: 1) paying a dollar for every year up until you predict humans will traverse the Oort Cloud and finally leave this solar system (hint -- it’s actually LONGER than your local billionaire might suggest!), 2) paying a dollar for all the endangered species you think r cuties, 3) paying a dollar for every time you saw the headline “record breaking heatwave” during summer 2021, 4) or just paying a dollar—we’re not your boss and we love you.

In all seriousness, this is the existential threat of our lifetimes, and should not be taken lightly. Our tone is just informed by our own exhaustion with the daily deluge of doom we have all grown so familiar with by now. However much you donate, and you should, both we humble two and our homie Thomas [“Clam”] Chrowder Chamberlin appreciate you and your willingness to help make the world look a little less bleak.