Recovery sober living Veteran of The USN

Hi, I’m Christopher Specking, an alcoholic, codependent, addict, and registered nurse in the state of California. I suffer from a disease called addiction. I am currently in sober living post residential treatment in rehabilitation and am currently 112 days clean and sober from alcohol, drugs and mind altering substances. I have a sponsor working the steps in an AA program. I got divorced after 8 years of marriage March 2022 after a 14 year relationship with my husband. I started a downward spiral into my addiction for one year after my divorce I did not want. I self reported on March 16 2023 to the board of nursing where they have made my license inactive. My license is not suspended or restricted and I’ve had no legal consequences. I’m working on my emotional, spiritual, and physical sobriety. I live in a sober living in Pasadena, California. My disability has ended because of an end to my health insurance where I was seeking help and receiving benefits for disability I have paid into from working. I have applied for Medi-Cal and have been approved and waiting for coverage as of August 1. I waited to call to get COBRA health insurance for $1200 a month on my last disability payment on July 26th when I got my last disability check. I cried and was grateful to God when I found out that I qualified for Medi-Cal and do not have to pay for health insurance. I used that money instead to pay for my sober living. I am currently attending meetings sometimes 3 daily and have an amazing network of support in my recovery and sobriety. I’m so blessed and grateful for my ability to adapt and overcome. I’m also grateful for any financial support at this time as I’m facing foreclosure on my condo where I have applied for forebarance and Freedom mortgage has me in a trap of documentation that has been provided and still requiring more documentation I have already submitted and unwilling to assist me in the process as I have a 90 day late. The board of nursing does not re evaluate my license until October 19, 2023. I have been blessed by God the gift of despair. After my divorce, I landed myself in unhealthy relationships causing physical abuse and leading to poor choices of intravenous drug use. After one year of destruction I have taken action and am recovering with strength, courage, and hope. I’m very vulnerable right now but I’m not alone. I have turned my will over to my higher power and am working daily taking contrary action to finding means to support myself in this process to get my license back, save my condo, take care of my physical, emotional, and spiritual sobriety while staying clean and sober. I’m on step six of the twelve steps and am confident this moment in my life, this too shall pass. Today I am grateful for having all my limbs, my eyes, and all my senses. Any support from you during this hard time for me is greatly appreciated. After my medi-cal is activated, I will be seen by a provider who can help me get back on my disability where I will also be able to get back into my IOP(intensive outpatient program) at the Bishop Gooden Center where it is required for me to attend for 2 months before I see the nursing board again. I have completed 30 days in residential treatment and attend a weekly nurses support group. Thank you thank you thank you. Just for today, one day at a time. I’m clean and sober. I hate asking for help but am throwing this out there and if I get help, I’m grateful. If I do not, I will be ok. I will survive this clean and sober. My goal is to be fully functioning in society again with a full time job again taking care of others while taking care of my spiritual, emotional, and physical sobriety. I am available for handy work as well as study partner/Tudor for nursing students. I also can do laundry utilizing my sink to wash and cacti for hanging and drying in beautiful Pasadena California breeze. I also utilize my lemons from the tree in back of my sober living to make a delicious lavender lemonade for just $1 a glass. Mason jars large sized $7 with glass to keep. Email me if interested and will provide address. I am alumni at the Bishop Gooden Center where I provide a Sunday paper and support for the residents of the rehab. I attend sometimes 3 meetings a day where I share experience, strength, and hope with fellow addicts. I attended Keller Williams career night this last Thursday where I will be partaking in their mentorship program to obtain my real estate license. Give your heart and 110% at what you do and you will get return. “HALF MEASURES AVAILED US NOTHING. WE STOOD AT THE TURNING POINT. WE ASKED HIS PROTECTION AND CARE

WITH COMPLETE ABANDON.” (Big Book). Life is like a Rubik’s cube. When I was born it was like pulling one of those out of the package. All sides and squares are perfect. But life has all these twists and turns and I’m not trying to make it perfect but just trying to get a few cubes to match up and do it with some work and humility while living life on life’s terms. And one day I’m going to open up my very own sober living. So grateful I got food assistance today and got unrolled in my VA benefits health care. Woot woot. Thank God I served in the military. I opened up a door of resources today.

6 months ago I would resort to selling my body and offering my services for payment through money and drugs where people are happy to support. Today I’m clean and sober and will never sell my body again for sexual purposes no matter what and find it much harder to get support as less personal needs get met for others. Today I’m ok asking for help, I know where I was, where I am now, and where I want to be with a heart full of love and good intention. I remind myself my motives for the day. Are my motives for self or are they for others. I’m here for you today. No matter if you are sober or in the top/bottom of your addiction. In every addict is an alcoholic, in every alcoholic is an addict. And in both is a codependent. Just a reminder, your solution does not define who you are.

Everyday is a choice. A few days ago I was riding my bike home from a meeting and I have a pedal assist electric bike that tells me the speed I’m going. I was doing 30 miles per hour when I was struck by a vehicle driving in the same direction. Scraped, bruised, and hurt ego. My helmet left the biggest dent on the hood of his car, and all 215 pounds of me left some remarkable damage. But I had a choice when I got up from the ground, helmet with chunks taken out from the cement. Bystander came running as I lay in the street wiggling my fingers and toes thanking my higher power they were all still intact. Crying in pain with blood from my elbows and knees all over, I got up and the driver got out and asked if I was okay. I asked him for a hug. I didn’t get his name, I didn’t get his phone number, I didn’t get a license plate. But what I did get was what I needed and in that moment was a hug and I let him know that everything is ok and I’m ok. We parted ways and last night I spent the night in the ER and ct scan, X-ray, and all tests came back good. I’m grateful to God today for so many things and the fact I was wearing a helmet. I’m sore and I’m beaten up but I’m good today. I’m vertical, I’m breathing on my own, I have no broken bones, I have you, and I have all of me intact. I’m so blessed and so grateful to be here today clean and sober. I did apologize for the damage my body caused to his vehicle. And today my side of the street is clean and I feel so good. I’m so grateful it was not worse because it always can be.