- d
Thank you all for your support and generosity. I was especially overwhelmed by the kindness of my former students and by those who do not even know me. I am grateful to report that I am doing better! The torment of my akathisia has lifted, and I can finally feel joy and peace again, even in the midst of life’s storms.
Akathisia is a neurological disorder, a medication side effect, that affects dopamine and dopamine receptors in the brain. Dopamine affects mood and movement, so I literally could not feel any positive emotions, and I could not stop moving. It is a torture I would not inflict on anyone, and it is completely preventable. My suffering lasted almost seven long years. I am lucky to be alive.
Because my akathisia was misdiagnosed as mental illness, I was wrongfully civilly committed three times within five years and force-drugged with dangerous medications that worsened my akathisia. It was like someone pouring gasoline on a person who is burning alive. When I tried to fight for myself and tell them this was all from the medication, the courts, the county, and the doctors refused to listen to me. They would not listen to my family or my friends, either. They even manufactured information that caused me to be committed.
Because I have been publically labeled as mentally ill, I have been stripped of my civil rights and my dignity, along with my teaching career and precious time with my children and family. My private health information is now public information because my civil commitment record is public information, even though I committed no crimes and was never violent. I have fewer rights than a convicted felon, and there is no review board to correct my record.
In fact, the county in which I live will not even allow me to represent myself in court because of my “mental illness.” I do not feel safe in my community because I have to behave more “normally” than everyone else. If not, I risk being locked up again and drugged against my will, which will bring back the agony of akathisia.
My journey has allowed me to see first-hand the discrimination, mistreatment, and humiliation those with mental illness face when doctors and courts take control of their lives. What happened to me could happen to anyone. The condition I developed can be caused by antibiotics, antihistamines, anti-anxiety medications, seizure medications, sleep medications, anti-nausea medications, medications used for cancer treatments, antidepressants, antipsychotics, steroids, and more.
While I was locked up in state run facilities, I met a woman with a traumatic brain injury, a man dying of cancer, pregnant women, and people with developmental disabilities – all of whom had been civilly committed as mentally ill and some of whom were being force-medicated against their will with drugs that can cause permanent disability or even death. The state can also force civilly committed people to have electroconvulsive therapy (electric shock therapy) against their will, even if they are developmentally disabled. The law permits this. I saw it happen. As a side note, women and people of color surrounded me in these facilities, but I do not know the statistics on this – only my experience.
All it takes for this to happen to anyone is for a doctor or nurse practitioner to label the person incompetent and/or determine it is an emergency. The treating doctor has little oversight, and the court accepts his/her diagnosis without much questioning. As for the attorney who represents the person for the civil commitment and the “independent examiner” who determines the person is mentally ill and incompetent, the attorney is usually picked by the state because the majority of people locked in these state facilities, at least the people I have met, are middle class or poor. The independent examiner is also hired by the state, unless the person can afford to hire his/her own independent examiner, which is expensive.
Those who are civilly committed do not have a voice, nor do many of us have the financial resources to hire independent attorneys and experts to help us. Because we are poorer, we cannot fight back.
While my case is one of blatant malpractice and abuse, I was hard-pressed to find any attorney who would help me because of the mental illness misdiagnosis. By the grace of God, I found Craig Beuning and Wayne Holstad at Holstad and Knaack, who agreed to take my case because they see that innocent people are being harmed and someone needs to be their voice and stop this madness.
But we need help! This is a David vs. Goliath battle, and the pockets of those on the other side are very deep. My case has been filed in Federal Court, but the other side has motioned for dismissal. We need to work hard to make sure that does not happen! Filing and court costs, expert testimony, records requests, day-to-day expenses, paperwork, and so on add up very fast. I wish I had the money and resources to fight this on my own, but since I am gainfully unemployed and unable to get a teaching job because of this mess, I need help.
I am not just fighting for myself, but for all those trapped in the mental health system who have been marginalized by their diagnosis and stripped of their civil rights. Together, we can make a difference and be a voice for those whose voices have been silenced. “Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to do so.” (Proverbs 3:27) Please help.
Additional information on akathisia can be found on the following websites:
https://akathisiaalliance.org/
https://missd.co/
Akathisia is a neurological disorder, a medication side effect, that affects dopamine and dopamine receptors in the brain. Dopamine affects mood and movement, so I literally could not feel any positive emotions, and I could not stop moving. It is a torture I would not inflict on anyone, and it is completely preventable. My suffering lasted almost seven long years. I am lucky to be alive.
Because my akathisia was misdiagnosed as mental illness, I was wrongfully civilly committed three times within five years and force-drugged with dangerous medications that worsened my akathisia. It was like someone pouring gasoline on a person who is burning alive. When I tried to fight for myself and tell them this was all from the medication, the courts, the county, and the doctors refused to listen to me. They would not listen to my family or my friends, either. They even manufactured information that caused me to be committed.
Because I have been publically labeled as mentally ill, I have been stripped of my civil rights and my dignity, along with my teaching career and precious time with my children and family. My private health information is now public information because my civil commitment record is public information, even though I committed no crimes and was never violent. I have fewer rights than a convicted felon, and there is no review board to correct my record.
In fact, the county in which I live will not even allow me to represent myself in court because of my “mental illness.” I do not feel safe in my community because I have to behave more “normally” than everyone else. If not, I risk being locked up again and drugged against my will, which will bring back the agony of akathisia.
My journey has allowed me to see first-hand the discrimination, mistreatment, and humiliation those with mental illness face when doctors and courts take control of their lives. What happened to me could happen to anyone. The condition I developed can be caused by antibiotics, antihistamines, anti-anxiety medications, seizure medications, sleep medications, anti-nausea medications, medications used for cancer treatments, antidepressants, antipsychotics, steroids, and more.
While I was locked up in state run facilities, I met a woman with a traumatic brain injury, a man dying of cancer, pregnant women, and people with developmental disabilities – all of whom had been civilly committed as mentally ill and some of whom were being force-medicated against their will with drugs that can cause permanent disability or even death. The state can also force civilly committed people to have electroconvulsive therapy (electric shock therapy) against their will, even if they are developmentally disabled. The law permits this. I saw it happen. As a side note, women and people of color surrounded me in these facilities, but I do not know the statistics on this – only my experience.
All it takes for this to happen to anyone is for a doctor or nurse practitioner to label the person incompetent and/or determine it is an emergency. The treating doctor has little oversight, and the court accepts his/her diagnosis without much questioning. As for the attorney who represents the person for the civil commitment and the “independent examiner” who determines the person is mentally ill and incompetent, the attorney is usually picked by the state because the majority of people locked in these state facilities, at least the people I have met, are middle class or poor. The independent examiner is also hired by the state, unless the person can afford to hire his/her own independent examiner, which is expensive.
Those who are civilly committed do not have a voice, nor do many of us have the financial resources to hire independent attorneys and experts to help us. Because we are poorer, we cannot fight back.
While my case is one of blatant malpractice and abuse, I was hard-pressed to find any attorney who would help me because of the mental illness misdiagnosis. By the grace of God, I found Craig Beuning and Wayne Holstad at Holstad and Knaack, who agreed to take my case because they see that innocent people are being harmed and someone needs to be their voice and stop this madness.
But we need help! This is a David vs. Goliath battle, and the pockets of those on the other side are very deep. My case has been filed in Federal Court, but the other side has motioned for dismissal. We need to work hard to make sure that does not happen! Filing and court costs, expert testimony, records requests, day-to-day expenses, paperwork, and so on add up very fast. I wish I had the money and resources to fight this on my own, but since I am gainfully unemployed and unable to get a teaching job because of this mess, I need help.
I am not just fighting for myself, but for all those trapped in the mental health system who have been marginalized by their diagnosis and stripped of their civil rights. Together, we can make a difference and be a voice for those whose voices have been silenced. “Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to do so.” (Proverbs 3:27) Please help.
Additional information on akathisia can be found on the following websites:
https://akathisiaalliance.org/
https://missd.co/