Aid for Jeff Null's Family in Their Time of Need

My name is Katie, and my father Jeff Null unexpectedly passed away in February, just 2 months shy of turning 64. My dad may not have been the best dad all the time, but he was mine. The death of a parent has to be one of the hardest losses a person will go through in life. I saw him as invincible and incapable of leaving us at all, let alone so tragically and so soon. Unfortunately, I had no idea that he was battling so many demons on his own. He was so stubborn and prideful he would never ask for help or express any feelings of self-doubt or struggle. While it was ruled a heart attack, I believe his heart and mind broke a long time ago.

My dad was an Army Veteran who battled alcoholism and depression for quite some time now, it seems, and it’s heartbreaking to know how bad it was only after it’s too late. It’s heartbreaking to know he chose to suffer alone because he wasn’t the type to “burden” the ones he loved with his afflictions. My dad died on the property that my grandfather bought and lived on until he couldn’t any longer, and then it was my dad’s turn. A property that has been in our family the last 40 years, a property that was supposed to stay in our family for generations to come. Not only is grieving my father one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted, but I also have to try to save everything he let go over the years.

I recently found out the VA will not cover any of his end-of-life costs. My father did not have a will, and lawyers are very expensive. He had no life insurance policies, retirement accounts, or any savings at all for that matter. He also took out the largest, should-be-against-the-law, VA program mortgage loan that he possibly could on our favorite place in the world and told no one. Being the oldest child and only daughter, I inherited a few of his traits, including his resiliency, strength, and bravery. I can accept why he thought he did not have to prepare me emotionally to deal with his death, but never in a million years did I imagine he wouldn’t prepare me for the financial distress he knew he was going to leave me with. I still love my dad wholeheartedly, will stick up for him to everyone always, and miss him every single day, but damn, I’m so angry with him too. I guess that’s grief, though.

Along with those good traits I inherited, I also got a couple of bad ones like his stubbornness, fear of failure, and inability to ask for help out of being portrayed as weak. Unlike him, though, I know that I cannot do this on my own. I’m admitting those faults, breaking them down, and asking for help in any way that can be provided.

This was a hard thing for me to write, and I appreciate you in advance for taking the time to read it and for any help y’all may extend to us.

Thank you.