Top Surgery

My name is Ellis Gentry. I am a transman. I came out as trans late into 2022. My "egg cracked" as I watched "Umbrella Academy" starring Elliot Page. Elliot Page is a Canadian actor who has transitioned to FTM in the past few years. They were able to transition both in real life and in the TV show. I love Elliot Page and started doing some reading online about their journey. Everything I read about how they felt growing up as a female, the dysphoria, talking about wanting to be a guy all their life, etc., hit way too close to home. I realized how closely I related to those feelings and from that day my whole world changed.

I have struggled all my life to understand my identity. I grew up in a very religious household, as well as being homeschooled. I was sheltered and gaslit all my life. I did anything to get my parents' approval, sacrificing my self-worth and living authentically, without ever being successful. It has been so hard to unlearn things that I grew up with. I am now 27 years old, almost 28. I have two children and a spouse, all of switch are super supportive. I hate that I've lived this long not being true to myself. I have been able to socially change (choosing my name, changing pronouns, changing my clothes, etc.) and I have been able to start HRT. My biggest hurdle has been how people still see me as female because of my breasts. I do my best to hide them with transtape and binders but they are so-so at covering them. I also live in a very red state where people think of the "traditional" family as being made up of a wife, husband, and children. When I am out with my kids or husband, I automatically get sorted into the wife/mom column. If I am out by myself it is more 50/50 on being identified as male or female.

I know that even with top surgery I will most likely still get misgendered but it will help tremendously. You wouldn't believe some of the conversations I've had when I try and correct people on my gender. Anything from "but you have breasts" to "your mommy milkers say otherwise". It's awful and sends me to a bad place ever time. Not only would top surgery help me socially but more importantly I would finally be able to look at myself in the mirror without complete self-loathing. I'd be able to go shirtless if I'm too hot or want to swim. I wouldn't hate exercising. I would be able to walk up a flight of stairs without being reminded that my body is not my own. There's so much more but I think you get the point.

At this point in my life, I am not able to set aside money for a therapist, psychiatrist, or surgery. I can hardly afford HRT. I am also a homemaker and still look after a toddler all day. My goal is $10,000 because I need therapy, a PCP, a Psychiatrist, HRT, top surgery, and to be able to hire someone to look after me and the toddler while I am in recovery post-surgery. In my area top surgery is anywhere from 6-10k. I do not want to settle for the cheapest surgeon because this will be the body I live with for the rest of my life.

Please consider donating. Every dollar helps. I will be setting up a store to sell my art where all sales will go directly to saving for my top surgery.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and/or donating. If you are unable to donate please consider sharing, that is always free.