Legal Fees for Custody
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Posted on behalf of a friend to maintain privacy:
Legal Fees: Help me Stand Up to my Abusive Ex and Care for my Daughter
I love my daughter very much, and I want her to have a good relationship with her Dad. For many years, I thought that meant giving up power wherever necessary--being as meek and as compromising as I could manage, no matter the costs, and living a kind of double life where I keep the bad bits to myself. Then a common thing happened: after a period of relative peace, he verbally abused me in front of our daughter. Afterwards, I felt terrified; this is a fear that has structured my life from my teens into my thirties, a promise that if I challenge him things could go back to the nightmarish way they were during our marriage and in the years immediately following our divorce. Everything had been OK recently, and I had told myself that it was over. But this time something clicked; I realized that it will never stop, that I'll continue living in fear and watching my daughter struggle with anxiety whenever she deals with other adults in positions of authority, for as long as I allow it. Meekness and compromise has not and will never work when confronting an abusive person.
My daughter has lived with me for several years, but my ex would not make our custody arrangement official; doing so would mean relinquishing control and helping out financially. I want to take our unofficial agreement to court and have it recognized so that my daughter and I have some degree of legal protection. I want the ability to say no, to report it when my daughter or I are intimidated or harassed. And, given the history, he may very well try to take my daughter away in retaliation. If that happened, my daughter would have to leave her school and she would be vulnerable to his anger issues full-time. This is well within his means, as the court currently recognizes him as the custodial parent--I've been told he could even go after me for back support during the time she's been living at my home. It took years to work through my daughter's depression and anger, and she was doing so well--but now she's withdrawing again due to the uncertainty and stress of this situation. This is why I need legal support.
Funds from this campaign will go towards legal fees associated with retaining an attorney to pursue court recognition of my custody. I did attempt to obtain legal aid, but funding for those organizations is scant and they were unable to guarantee that I'd have any representation until after filing petitions myself, potentially leaving us in a hostile situation with absolutely no legal support. That's just too risky given the history, which has involved substantial threats, harassment, and more. It's my understanding that costs start at around $3k-$5k to get through this process. There may also be fees somewhere in the ballpark of $1-$2k associated with the court appointing my daughter an attorney to represent her interests (these are usually split by the parents). In the unlikely event that there are funds left over, I will use them for my daughter's care--school supplies and medical appointments top the list. We have been unable to ask for help from anywhere else--not even for food or the heat bill--because I would have to lie or reveal the custody situation, which wouldn't be recognized without permission from the court. I am in the process of finishing a degree; our lives are currently financed on debt, and there isn't enough credit left to handle a court battle.
If you're here, it's possible you know who I am, as I have shared this on a limited basis within my social media network. Please kindly refrain from using my name in the fundraiser comments section or anywhere that would constitute a public forum. I can't stress this enough: I would be happy to hear from you via private message or phone, but for obvious reasons I don't want this getting back to my ex husband until I have legal representation and a petition filed at the courthouse. Thank you for your time and support, monetary or otherwise. This will be a scary process, but I'm hoping that it can also be a healing and empowering one.
Legal Fees: Help me Stand Up to my Abusive Ex and Care for my Daughter
I love my daughter very much, and I want her to have a good relationship with her Dad. For many years, I thought that meant giving up power wherever necessary--being as meek and as compromising as I could manage, no matter the costs, and living a kind of double life where I keep the bad bits to myself. Then a common thing happened: after a period of relative peace, he verbally abused me in front of our daughter. Afterwards, I felt terrified; this is a fear that has structured my life from my teens into my thirties, a promise that if I challenge him things could go back to the nightmarish way they were during our marriage and in the years immediately following our divorce. Everything had been OK recently, and I had told myself that it was over. But this time something clicked; I realized that it will never stop, that I'll continue living in fear and watching my daughter struggle with anxiety whenever she deals with other adults in positions of authority, for as long as I allow it. Meekness and compromise has not and will never work when confronting an abusive person.
My daughter has lived with me for several years, but my ex would not make our custody arrangement official; doing so would mean relinquishing control and helping out financially. I want to take our unofficial agreement to court and have it recognized so that my daughter and I have some degree of legal protection. I want the ability to say no, to report it when my daughter or I are intimidated or harassed. And, given the history, he may very well try to take my daughter away in retaliation. If that happened, my daughter would have to leave her school and she would be vulnerable to his anger issues full-time. This is well within his means, as the court currently recognizes him as the custodial parent--I've been told he could even go after me for back support during the time she's been living at my home. It took years to work through my daughter's depression and anger, and she was doing so well--but now she's withdrawing again due to the uncertainty and stress of this situation. This is why I need legal support.
Funds from this campaign will go towards legal fees associated with retaining an attorney to pursue court recognition of my custody. I did attempt to obtain legal aid, but funding for those organizations is scant and they were unable to guarantee that I'd have any representation until after filing petitions myself, potentially leaving us in a hostile situation with absolutely no legal support. That's just too risky given the history, which has involved substantial threats, harassment, and more. It's my understanding that costs start at around $3k-$5k to get through this process. There may also be fees somewhere in the ballpark of $1-$2k associated with the court appointing my daughter an attorney to represent her interests (these are usually split by the parents). In the unlikely event that there are funds left over, I will use them for my daughter's care--school supplies and medical appointments top the list. We have been unable to ask for help from anywhere else--not even for food or the heat bill--because I would have to lie or reveal the custody situation, which wouldn't be recognized without permission from the court. I am in the process of finishing a degree; our lives are currently financed on debt, and there isn't enough credit left to handle a court battle.
If you're here, it's possible you know who I am, as I have shared this on a limited basis within my social media network. Please kindly refrain from using my name in the fundraiser comments section or anywhere that would constitute a public forum. I can't stress this enough: I would be happy to hear from you via private message or phone, but for obvious reasons I don't want this getting back to my ex husband until I have legal representation and a petition filed at the courthouse. Thank you for your time and support, monetary or otherwise. This will be a scary process, but I'm hoping that it can also be a healing and empowering one.
Organizer and beneficiary
Kellie Sharp
Organizer
Buffalo, NY
Kellie Sharp
Beneficiary