I really have never liked too ask for anything but since i have become terminally ill all i want is not too worry about making memories with my family (my husband and three children)
I have stage 4 metastatic malignant melanoma and was given three month too live two weeks before christmas december 2013.
I then started two drugs called dabrefenib and trametinib but my scan has showed the cancer is still spreading but my liver has slightly improved but not enough,
I also have lymphadema in my right foot and leg, thigh which really stops me from doing normal day too day things so my husband no longer works and he helps looks after me, and the children and all the house work.
Since falling ill i have caught many bugs and fallen ill and ended up in hospital and also slipped many disks in my back which are inoperable due too my health.
I wish too have days out with my children and family trips out or family caravan holidays in the uk too make memories while we can.
It upsets me i dont have the money too do this and also dont have the time too save too do this.
I first had malignant melanoma july 2008, This was two small moles on my right leg.
They where stage 1, They removed by wide local excisions.
It was like two really big holes you could put a golf ball in. I then had skin grafts,
My skin grafts didnt take and they had too be removed as and when it was dying.
I then had check ups every 3 month at the rvi newcastle upon tyne.
I then took ill october 2011 with my gall bladder and it had too be removed as an emergancy.
Then in the January 2012 i found out i was pregnant with our Joel, He was our little miricle.
We were scared too have another baby and asked my consultant before we tried for Joel as the change in horemones can cause the cancer too return, My consult said it was fine as i had only been stage 1 and it was very unlikely it would even return.
So we fell pregnant with Joel and he was born by c-section on the 20th september 2012.
On the 21st september 2012 i found a lump in my pelvis and i went straight too my doctors at Holmeside medical group in benwell, newcastle upon tyne and they told me i was being silly and it was just from having my c-section and he sent me packing, I kept getting pain where the lump was and spent days ringing the doctor in pain and ringing for advice and they never listened so i moved doctors and the next day the new doctors surgery sent me for an xray and they found something not right so they requested my plastic surgon from the rvi send me for a mri scan but he ignored my doctors request and didnt listen too me about my lump and pain, they told me melanoma wouldnt retuen like this and wouldnt cause nerve pain.
So i kept waiting then i got sick of the wait and made a complaint so my cancer nurse agreed too send me for a ct scan and show me there was nothing wrong we me and basicly i was being stupid and they spoke dow too me like a child,
I felt so in the wrong by complaining but they just wouldnt listen and cancer is a matter of life and death and no one should be ignored. Basicly i was just a number too them.
On the 20th september 2013 on my sons 1st birthday the consultant came too see me at my appointment and he told me they had found the lump i had complained about but it was very deep and it had spread too my lymph nodes so i need a groin dissection in 13 days time, So we had too sort out family too look after the children, He told me too expect the worst and propare myself for chemotherapy or radiotherapy or maybe even both.
I took it all in and then broke down once i got too my car, i had too ring my family and tell them over the phone and all my family went straight too meet me at home, My life started falling apart around me. I couldnt cope, i couldnt do normal day too day stuff, i just wanted this alien out of me.
We had too bring joshs 6th birthday forward as his birthday was 8th october and i was having my operation on the 8th and i didnt want too miss his birthday so we had a little tea party and got him lots of toys, It was something too take my mind of my health, I told the children i had too have a big operation but it was nothing too worry about i would get better.
I had my operation and it was the worst pain i had ever had, I regreted the operation soon as i woke up, The morphine didnt work and i had too suffer in pain.
I was in hospital 7 days and then i went home as i just wanted my own bed and too be with my family.
My family still helped with children so my hubby could look after me.
After 6 weeks i started too feel a bit more myself then all of a sudden one day i couldnt move for pain in my wound so i rang the hospital who didnt listen yet agin and told me too come in in three hours time as they where busy and i was in so much pain and had a high temp,
Once i got too the hospital i got worse and they put a needle in my arm for fluids and put wet towels on my head but it took 5 hours for a doctor too come and see me by this time i was very unwell and my stomach was filled with infection and puss which had too be drained once and then the next time i kept complaining it was filling up again as my stomach was getting worse and the redness was spreading up my back and they didnt listen till i woke up in the night and my wound had burst open and i was covered in blood and puss, I got such a scare it was horrible.
They did an emergancy ct scan and found the cancer had returned but this time it was too late it was in operable and there was lots of tumours interwined with blood vessels and some of the cancers had died back in my right hip and this was causing irratation and why i had still been in pain, It had also spread threw my liver and my liver was really bad, They said without treatment id have three month too live, At forst they said i was going too have chemo then vem then they got me the drugs i am on now from america.
Soon as i was told i was terminal all the people who didnt listen too me came too say they where sorry and gave me the excuses but i couldnt forgive, I just hope other people dont get treated like i did.
I spent days screaming and the lovely nurses sat huging me and holding my hand, I could not fault the nurses they where great. Everytime my family came i put on a front like i was strong and fine but everytime they left i fell apart again.
Once i got home after two weeks it was time too get strong and start my fight and i have been fighting since. its been four month of treatment and my next scan is 1st may but i feel really good so i think its my time for good news :) xxxx
Thank you so much for your time xxxx
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