Help me hear
Donation protected
This is a cut and paste from my Facebook where it was suggested I should start a go fund me to help with the $1000.. To be honest I could use the help.. So if you can.. I appreciate it., if you can't I appreciate all the live and support and just want you to remember to be extra patient with the deaf and hard of hearing in coming months..❤
I walked into an audiologist on Tuesday to. Much love ❤
have hearing tested. As I walked into the booth, I joked that maybe I wasn't really hard of hearing st all and I just thought I was because I was told I was my entire life. He said" it wouldn't be the first time" and he locked me into a soundproof spaceship with a homemade time machine looking headset and a buzzer in my hand.
I lost the bulk of my hearing ehen I was 5. I remember it. I remember the fever. I hallucinated and I vividly remember what I experienced. I remember alligators on my floor and very thin naked old men in a line head between the shoulders of the man in front. There were spiders, big spiders. I squished one on my blanket.. I searched for the stain for years..
When I went to school I was flagged for being possibly learning impaired and through testing it was found that I was I was hard of hearing and not impaired so I went through years of speech therapy and being taught to lip read and I've functioned my entire life as hearing impaired person without any struggle.. I honestly feel like it's a part of my personality, it's my relationship with the world around me. The way I communicate. I focus, I'm intimate. I feel like my deafness has made me almost more outgoing..
I never really felt disabled.. You know me, I love music, I work in the public.. And then this pandemic hit. And suddenly, I was completely cut off. At first it didn't matter but eventually there was a reason I had to go out into public and had to interact beyond the most basic function with someone. And everyone everywhere have their mouths covered. My interaction should have been simple, I was clear about what I needed and I was prepared and had tajen every step to ensure that this trabsaction went smoothly because I'm deaf and everyone has masks on and I know I can't hear. I tell her I can't hear. She rolls he eyes. She has messed up her part of the transaction and there isn't anything she can to do fix it.. But I can't understand what she is saying to me. At all. Meanwhile the customers are six feet apart and a line is backing up down aisle. She was supposed to be cashing my check. I don't understand why she isn't giving me money. She says she already ran my groceries and I had to go buy another $50 stuff to cash my check because she screwed up, it took me a minute and asking someone else for help to understand because the lady wouldn't speak up wouldn't answer simple yes it no questions and the whole thing was just too much.
I left without doing the thing I needed to do and had come out of my relative isolation to do.. And walking home I had a panic attack..
I cried, the only oerson walking down the highway., shaking and crying..
That's not me,
I knew it would be hard. The mask thing. What I didn't expect was how completely isolating it would be. How emotionally exhausting it would be. I know I know people out there feeling the same way. I have went of of my home maybe 5 times in the last two plus months. Three of the tines I failed to achieve the goal I set out to do and 2 times I became crippled with anxiety and panic afterward and was ruined for the rest of the day..
All 5 times were scary, disorienting, alienating, filled with dread.. All 5 were emotionally taxing and throughout I felt like I glass experiencing the death of my personality.. I wasn't me. I wasn't even charming for fucks sake.. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to return to work if I couldn't hear
Emotionally I withdrew. I was angry with sound. I avoided it. I didn't listen to music.. I avoided Facebook and everyone because so much of my relationship to my friends is about music and because I was sad and so isolated but with people sick and dying every day my struggle seemed miniscule and a bit ridiculous.. I didn't want to be whiny. Im tough..
I decided to get a hearing rest and see how much a hearing aid would be so there I am in that booth. I know I didn't hear much in my left ear because it was few and far between with the buzzer. But I felt like I was buzzing okay in the right.. Lol..
The results were fairly shocking. The guy seemed pretty surprised too. On my left I hear basically nothing.. I heard 2 tones at 110 decibels. On my right I am severely deaf to profoundly deaf and hear almost no language most things in the 80 to 110 decibels range.. No wonder I like live music so much..
It's pretty amazing that I have adapted and been able to communicate the way i have for 42 years. It's also kind of sad. I asked my mom why she didn't ever get me hearing aids and she said it was something that was ever even thought of or mentioned as an option in the 70s..
So then I find out that cost of the hearing aid I need is $10,000.. Good news is it's $3,000 off so it's a little more than $7,000... My insurance covers $4,000. But $3,000 is more money than I have or will have, realistically for a long time..
I reached out to an orfanization through Levi's and i JUST found out that I got I grant for,$2,000 finalized as I was writing this
My hearing aids are on order.
I don't know how I truly feel about hearing.. I've never really heard.. My audiologist said im very lucky that my vrain still witjs to process sound kind if on the left.. It enriches the right.. I imagine it's like when I wear headphones and I know I don't hear but I feel like I'm hearing stereo.. But life will be like that., maybe... I don't know.
I'm terrified and excited and ready to come out of my hole,,
I'm happy to start a new relationship with sound. Let the countdown begin to my life changing in ways I can't imagine.
❤DEAF GIRL
I walked into an audiologist on Tuesday to. Much love ❤
have hearing tested. As I walked into the booth, I joked that maybe I wasn't really hard of hearing st all and I just thought I was because I was told I was my entire life. He said" it wouldn't be the first time" and he locked me into a soundproof spaceship with a homemade time machine looking headset and a buzzer in my hand.
I lost the bulk of my hearing ehen I was 5. I remember it. I remember the fever. I hallucinated and I vividly remember what I experienced. I remember alligators on my floor and very thin naked old men in a line head between the shoulders of the man in front. There were spiders, big spiders. I squished one on my blanket.. I searched for the stain for years..
When I went to school I was flagged for being possibly learning impaired and through testing it was found that I was I was hard of hearing and not impaired so I went through years of speech therapy and being taught to lip read and I've functioned my entire life as hearing impaired person without any struggle.. I honestly feel like it's a part of my personality, it's my relationship with the world around me. The way I communicate. I focus, I'm intimate. I feel like my deafness has made me almost more outgoing..
I never really felt disabled.. You know me, I love music, I work in the public.. And then this pandemic hit. And suddenly, I was completely cut off. At first it didn't matter but eventually there was a reason I had to go out into public and had to interact beyond the most basic function with someone. And everyone everywhere have their mouths covered. My interaction should have been simple, I was clear about what I needed and I was prepared and had tajen every step to ensure that this trabsaction went smoothly because I'm deaf and everyone has masks on and I know I can't hear. I tell her I can't hear. She rolls he eyes. She has messed up her part of the transaction and there isn't anything she can to do fix it.. But I can't understand what she is saying to me. At all. Meanwhile the customers are six feet apart and a line is backing up down aisle. She was supposed to be cashing my check. I don't understand why she isn't giving me money. She says she already ran my groceries and I had to go buy another $50 stuff to cash my check because she screwed up, it took me a minute and asking someone else for help to understand because the lady wouldn't speak up wouldn't answer simple yes it no questions and the whole thing was just too much.
I left without doing the thing I needed to do and had come out of my relative isolation to do.. And walking home I had a panic attack..
I cried, the only oerson walking down the highway., shaking and crying..
That's not me,
I knew it would be hard. The mask thing. What I didn't expect was how completely isolating it would be. How emotionally exhausting it would be. I know I know people out there feeling the same way. I have went of of my home maybe 5 times in the last two plus months. Three of the tines I failed to achieve the goal I set out to do and 2 times I became crippled with anxiety and panic afterward and was ruined for the rest of the day..
All 5 times were scary, disorienting, alienating, filled with dread.. All 5 were emotionally taxing and throughout I felt like I glass experiencing the death of my personality.. I wasn't me. I wasn't even charming for fucks sake.. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to return to work if I couldn't hear
Emotionally I withdrew. I was angry with sound. I avoided it. I didn't listen to music.. I avoided Facebook and everyone because so much of my relationship to my friends is about music and because I was sad and so isolated but with people sick and dying every day my struggle seemed miniscule and a bit ridiculous.. I didn't want to be whiny. Im tough..
I decided to get a hearing rest and see how much a hearing aid would be so there I am in that booth. I know I didn't hear much in my left ear because it was few and far between with the buzzer. But I felt like I was buzzing okay in the right.. Lol..
The results were fairly shocking. The guy seemed pretty surprised too. On my left I hear basically nothing.. I heard 2 tones at 110 decibels. On my right I am severely deaf to profoundly deaf and hear almost no language most things in the 80 to 110 decibels range.. No wonder I like live music so much..
It's pretty amazing that I have adapted and been able to communicate the way i have for 42 years. It's also kind of sad. I asked my mom why she didn't ever get me hearing aids and she said it was something that was ever even thought of or mentioned as an option in the 70s..
So then I find out that cost of the hearing aid I need is $10,000.. Good news is it's $3,000 off so it's a little more than $7,000... My insurance covers $4,000. But $3,000 is more money than I have or will have, realistically for a long time..
I reached out to an orfanization through Levi's and i JUST found out that I got I grant for,$2,000 finalized as I was writing this
My hearing aids are on order.
I don't know how I truly feel about hearing.. I've never really heard.. My audiologist said im very lucky that my vrain still witjs to process sound kind if on the left.. It enriches the right.. I imagine it's like when I wear headphones and I know I don't hear but I feel like I'm hearing stereo.. But life will be like that., maybe... I don't know.
I'm terrified and excited and ready to come out of my hole,,
I'm happy to start a new relationship with sound. Let the countdown begin to my life changing in ways I can't imagine.
❤DEAF GIRL
Organizer and beneficiary
Michele Smith
Organizer
Lincoln City, OR
Devon Yarbrough
Beneficiary